Fugger: Khloe Kardashian

Fug or Fine the Covers: Khloe Kardashian and Ashley Benson on Cosmopolitan

Of course there are emojis on the cover of Cosmo. OF COURSE.

It makes sense — after all, Cosmo feels increasingly like it’s assuming the other demographics will still buy it no matter what, and so it’s targeting high-school girls, in the hopes of being the mag they’ll bring home in secret, and hide under their beds, because they want all the saucy sex and boy stuff that’s in there. To that end, we’ve got an actress on the cover who’s on a teen soap on ABC Family, and she’s in a sweater that COULD be, theoretically, the thing her preppy and potentially illicitly college-age boyfriend wore to a regatta and then she swiped it and took a selfie of herself in it and texted it to him (which totally ended up in the Internet, because texting saucy selfies to boys who might still be dipshits IS A BAD IDEA, LADIES). Ahem. All that said, while I think her right thigh angle is crazy-looking when we can’t see enough of the rest of her form, Ashley herself looks great — her face and hair really work.  The saucy-prepster thing is well-matched to the Sex Olympics theme, although I wish they hadn’t put “15 Easy Ways To Score An Extra $2,000″ right underneath that because people might get the wrong ideas.

Have your feelings here:

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Next up is Khloe Kardashin on this month’s issue:

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Fug the Candid: Khloe Kardashian

I read a headline about this look over the weekend at some point — “Khloe Kardashian Stuns In Thigh-High Boots,” or some such — and I am sure I just scrolled past it and thought, “Eh, you’ve seen one pair of thigh-high boots, you’ve seen them all.”

What they should have said was, “Khloe Kardashian — The Only One You Really Like! — Stuns in Denim Diapers (But At Least Her Hair Looks Great).”

[Photo: Splash]


Oscar Party Fugs and Fabs: Red Dresses

Oh, Sienna. To NAB is divine, but you may have binged on it a wee.

[Photos: Getty, Fame/Flynet]


Fugs and Fabs: Hollywood Reporter’s Women In Entertainment Breakfast

No matter how you feel about Kim Kardashian, this is a huge improvement by any measure, unless your particular yardstick is wanting an even cleavage-to-face ratio. That said, I do have some notes. Of course.

[Photos: Getty]


Fug the Card: The Kardashian Christmas Card (Kristmas Kard?) 2013

Oh my god, you guys. This card is literally so big that I can’t even fit the entire thing on this website. LOOK:

In order for it to fit, I have to shrink it down to the size of a Band-Aid, which makes me wonder if it arrives in, like, a box originally made for framed Magic Eye posters down at Ahhs. If you are on the Majestic Kardashian Khristmas Dist. List, please do let us know if that is the case. Maybe it comes already under the plexiglass it so richly deserves? (You can click on the pic and it will take you to a place where you can “view full size,” if you really want to get the whole KARDASHIAN EXPERIENCE at once, which I expect will feel like those old Hitachi Maxell ads where the dude’s hair and tie are blown back by the force).

The whole thing is so overwhelming that they had to release, like, SEGMENTS of it individually so that we could actually tell what the f is going on (which you can see if you click through the slide show). And I have so many notes. Many, many a note. First of all, there are no husbands in this photo other than poor Bruce Jenner all the way to the right, and BRUCE IS ENCASED IN A GLASS TUBE PRESUMABLY TO SILENCE HIM. He’s also the “cashier” at this Kardashian Kasino because Kris sees him as someone who is trying to tell her how to spend her riches and that’s why she’s divorcing him. As I interpret it. But, seriously. A holiday card should not take the patriarch of the family AND STICK HIM IN A GLASS TUBE LIKE A TEST SUBJECT.

Kanye and Scott Disick got excused, presumably because: a) it’s too awkward to figure out how to include Lamar in this entire thing considering that he’s currently MAYBE on crack (I hope not; Lamar and Khloe are the only ones I really like) and (b) Kanye took one look at this set-up and started laughing and couldn’t stop. He and Nori are killing time over at the Marmalade Cafe at The Grove right now and he’s STILL laughing, right into his shrimp salad.

Also absent? ANY KARDASHIAN/JENNER BOY CHILDREN. I mean, I think Rob Kardashian is as boring as the socks he is trying to sell to us all, but COME ON. He IS a member of the family. Is there no clearer way for Kris Kardashian to tell her family, “half of you don’t matter to me at all” than by banning her own son from the family holiday card?

FINALLY: IN WHAT WORLD IS THIS A HOLIDAY CARD? This looks like it was snapped on the set of an 1980s dystopian YA novel set at an abandoned casino. There is no tree, no menorah, no candy canes, no twinkly stars, no reindeer, no cookies, no dreidel, no celebratory glasses of fizzy alcohol, no dogs in Santa hats, no holiday iconography of ANY SORT. If your holiday cards lacks any holiday symbolism at all, and ALSO lacks HALF OF YOUR FAMILY and ALSO sticks one member of your family IN A GIANT GLASS TUBE, then I argue it’s not a holiday card at all. IT’S JUST A RIDICULOUS PHOTOSHOOT. BAH HUMBUG.

[Click through the rest of the slideshow to see it close up IF YOU DARE.]



Casual Fuggerday: Coats

It’s winter. Bundle up, y’all.

[Photos: Pacific Coast News, Fame/Flynet, WENN]