Fugger: Jennifer Lopez

Fug the Show: American Idol


“Hola, loverrrrrs. Every week, people beg for your amor by singing. But I do not beg, lovers. I just show you, and you love because you have no choice. Although now that Beyuckce is your nice-looking person of the month or whatever, tengo que remind you that you love me best. And so I sing. Remember my last single? The one about being on the floor? This is totally different, lovers. Because that one was about floors. This one is about being naked with my enormous man-boy ANYWHERE I WANT. It is called Sexy Time Fun Bag. I think? Or maybe it’s called something about dancing. No es importante. Just buy it. Besos!”

react:

Fug the Show: American Idol, Six to Five


“Hola, lovers. We need to talk. I have wounds. Heart wounds.”

react:

Fug the Show: American Idol, Seven to Six


“Hola, lovers. You may have heard that America made me angry this week, but pull up a block and listen to my truth: America is fabulosa, and I am not angry. Because when America voted off our favorite little lady pet, I got to make it about YO, and THAT is the most importante of all.”

react:

Fug the Show: American Idol, 8 down to 7


“HOLA LOVERS. I have a treat today. It is a piece of sugar-coated sex called MY NEW VIDEO. And it stars a piece of sugar-coated sex called MY NEW BOYFRIEND. Ay, okay, he is not totally nuevo, but, you know, he is a fresh teeny  baby compared to Marc, who is eleventy thousand years dead.”

react:

Fug the Show: American Idol, 12 to 10


“HOLA LOVERS. Time for your Vitamin J shot. You take it in your HEART.”

react:

Fug the Show: American Idol, Down to 12


“HOLA LOVERS. Por favor, notice who I cling to like a raft on the Clean Sea, and who has to keep a respectable legal distance from yo when he walks out from backstage, ahem, Aerosmell. It is no accident. I think it oozes.”

react: