Fugger: Cate Blanchett

Fug or Fab: Cate Blanchett


Let’s try something here. Check out the gown in black and white:

If you imagine this colorized, how would you do it? What color and then contrasting panels would ensure that you loved it? Paint it with your imagination for a second, and then see how it stacks up for you in full bloom:

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Fug or Fab: Cate Blanchett


Last night, one of Fug Nation on Twitter (@thelemonofpink) made a “Carte Blanchett” joke and I am, as promised, stealing it. Because we DO give Cate Blanchett carte blanche sometimes when it comes to her wardrobe. Like SWINTON, she can often pull off that which mere mortals would be well advised to avoid. However, I think I’m cutting off her carte blanchett right here because:

I seriously do not even know what is happening here. It’s like she walked out of her house wearing her welter-weight champion of the world belt, then realized it clashed with her jewelry and covered it up with a Hanes tee shirt she found in the trunk of her car. She HERSELF doesn’t look bad, but that’s because….you know, Carte Blanchett.

What do you think?

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Fug or Fab: Cate Blanchett


Sweet mercy, I have no idea what is happening on this dress.

It… appears to be a construction worker trying to use his giant ladder to get a cat out of a tree, while caught in an apocalyptic bee storm. Only Cate Blanchett would look at that dress and think, “Yeah, I can pull that off without getting lost,” and only Cate Blanchett would be right about that 90 percent of the time. The question is, where does this instance fall? Did the miracle worker coach another underdog to a win, or should she have put on a coat and hustled inside with a quickness?

Lay it on me:

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[Photo: Getty]

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Fuglizabeth


I’m sure people in Fug Nation will disagree with me, as they all cherish La Blanchett (understandably), but I am going to come down on the side of confusion here.

The magic carpet skirt is a wee snug, but what’s really fascinating me here is the top, which appears to be in the throes of an identity crisis. Were it just a white blouse and a skirt, we might be onto something; ditto, were it a drapey black top with a tight bottom. But instead it is both. It is a collared demi-poncho. A bloncho. Which, if you imagine it in a deep Australian accent — personally, I’m hearing Bryan Brown as he was in Cocktail: a little sassy, a little evil, and a lot drunk – does actually sound a little like a Down Under slang word for hammered (“Streuth, I’m way too bloncho to drive you home”) or perhaps something Taco Bell would put on its menu. Like, the Bloncho Bell Grande. Indeed, that sucker IS a bloncho bell grande.

However, I need to take this opportunity to thank Ms. Blanchett for leaving the house so much in the past few days. It’s thin on the ground out there. I am thisclose to being forced to post a photo of Tara Reid walking on a St. Tropez beach with Ireland’s favorite cheeky chappies, Jedward. Wait, what am I saying? I will totally WILLINGLY post that photo. But other than that, it’s all, “British people we don’t know carrying the Olympic torch,” and, “Judge Judy goes to Madeo’s.” So bless you, Cate. BLESS YOU.

[Photo: Getty]

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Fug and Fab: Cate Blanchett


You know I love her. But — and you know this is coming…..BUT:

Things I am confused by:

  • ….is that…a scarf?
  • Or is that part of her shirt?
  • If I keep making this face I’m making right now trying to figure this out, will I need Botox sooner?
  • Are her shoes….?????
  • WHY?
  • …spats? Maybe? Or….????????
  • Or is that top like some kind of…poncho scarf cape wrap?
  • differential equations.

At least she made up for it later:

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Unfug It Up: Cate Blanchett


I miss Cate Blanchett. She had a very quiet 2011, but she’ll roar back to the red carpets next year with The Hobbit: OMG They Are Making Two Movies Out Of It: I Couldn’t Even Get Through The Book: Great, Now I’m Having Academic Flashbacks. In the meantime, things like this remind me why we need to have her back, and soon:

Besides the shoes being underwhelming, this looks like a tunic yanked over a petticoat. Which should only happen if you’re a saucy Medieval lass trying to find peasant clothes that fit, so she can masquerade as a  young worker boy and find out what Life Is Really Like and then fall in love with someone and then rip off her wig. … And now you can imagine what I read in school when I was supposed to be poring through all that Tolkein.

What would you do with this? Frankly, I think the tunic part would make an awesome little mini-dress if it were stitched up just-so.

[Photo: Getty]

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