Fug File: Who Fugged It More

Cannes Who Fugged It More: Karlie Kloss vs. Mamie Gummer in Valentino


We saw this, and trembled at its evils, on Mamie Gummer at the Oscars. I’m actually sort of surprised that a top model like Karlie Kloss would ever wear something at an event this high-profile had been done already at another high-profile event. Maybe that’s more common than I think, but if I were her, this would feel like a fair time to throw a diva strop.

Mamie lined her skirt with black where Karlie’s is see-through, which definitely gave it a heaviness that contradicts the original design’s ethereal intentions.¬†She also had the turquiose part of the bodice expanded, versus Karlie’s more perfunctory modesty panel. Beyond that,¬†Karlie is leaning on bodice netting in a really sickly hue, and then basically a strip of lace over her nethers that looks like an eggplant loincloth. Frankly, I think it’s totally hideous on both of them. But between all that taupe boob pancake up there and the overwrought makeup, I think the supermodel might, strangely, look a little bit worse, which I hope will be worth a glass of celebratory moonshine for Mamie this morning.

You have to pick the one that's worse. No, you do. BE STRONG. PICK IT.

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[Photo: Getty]

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Met Gala Who Fugged It More: Margot Robbie vs. Stacy Martin, both in Prada


Good lord, a lot of people wore Prada to this thing. Which is crazy because, as we’ve noted, I sincerely think Miuccia doesn’t read the Met Ball invitations and instead just boxes up a bunch of random stuff and shoots it out of an international t-shirt cannon and whoever catches it wears whatever is inside. Anyway, two lovely ladies got outfits based on bra tops, so let’s declare a winner, shall we?

First up: Stacy Martin, best known for the five-and-a-half-hour Lars von Trier movie Nymphomaniac, in which she has a lot of sex with Shia LaBeouf and others.

I like the bones of this. Obviously the sheer top with the bra underneath is silly to me, but at least in this iteration, the triangular bra cups and the triangle where the two sides of the top intersect are geometrically simpatico. But I think you’d still have something delicate and pretty if it were lined, and the color is bright and beautiful. The skirt is also gorgeous. And although the lavender shoes look a little plastic from here, they’re at least not neutral, which would have been the easy choice. Full marks for creativity there.

And then here is The Wolf of Wall Street‘s Margot Robbie:

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ACMs Fug/Fab Face-Off: Sheryl Crow vs. Kimberly Perry


I’m thinking of this one as The Battle of Dresses That Look Like Photoshop Effects.

This one is Shatter, or maybe Stained Glass. It looks like some keenly chosen mouse clicks broke the black fabric into pieces. I might not mind it except that I don’t find it very flattering on her, or at least, maybe it demands a more dramatic head. A More Dramatic Head might be the name of my autobiography, too, in which case I have a lot more tizzies and hissies and enemies-into-lily-ponds that I need to throw.

Kimberly Perry also wore fancy black-on-nude, and with almost the exact same makeup:

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Who Fugged It More: Dita Von Teese vs. January Jones


These two dresses are not the same, nor are they by the same designer — one is Versace; the other, Maria Lucia Hohan –but you will be able to understand why I am making the mental comparison, because whoa.

First, as a refresher, here is what January Jones wore to the Golden Globes in 2011:

We were not that impressed. Her HEAD looked fantastic, and certainly there is nothing wrong with her body, but this was a little bit “Welcome to the new Hooters Tiki Hut” for my taste. Especially at an awards ceremony.

Here, now, is Dita Von Teese from the other day:

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Fug/Fab Face-Off: Anna Kendrick vs. Malin Akerman in J. Mendel


We saw the longer version of a frock from this family on Malin Akerman at the Oscars. I can’t decide which version works better for me, but I might give the nod to Kendrick because I didn’t like the shoulder part on Malin’s, but then again, I have been knee-deep in Akerman hoopla this Fug Madness so it might be my fatigue talking.

[Photos: Getty, WENN]

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Vanity Fair Oscar Party: Who Fabbed It More, Amy Poehler or Patricia Clarkson


These two both killed it this year, in similar enough patterns that I’ve decided to be heinously cruel about it and make you choose.

Let’s start with Patricia Clarkson:

This is so good. SO good. The pattern is fabulous. It’s a combination of gleaming marine life and fireflies at night. It makes me want to go camping. Which is how I know I need to stop looking at it, because I am not a camper of any stripe, unless there are bathrooms and also beds and tents that are more like cabins, and electricity. So, I’m a hoteler.

Anyway. From that fabulousness to this one:

A bracelet — and a gorgeous one — is a check in the Poehler column. As is the fact that she looks better here, I think, than she’s ever looked, with the exception of the Globes. Actually, I give this more credence than the Globes because there is actually less pressure on this, and that’s often when people get sloppy, but instead she’s in a Peter Som gown that’s unusual and flattering and graceful, still formal but not constrictingly so. Whether you vote based on gowns alone, or past performances weighed against current success… that’s up to you. Consider this choice a warm-up for Fug Madness in two weeks.

Whose fab reigns supreme?

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[Photos: Getty, Fame/Flynet]

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