Fug File: Fug The Cover

Fab and Fug the Cover: Kim Kardashian on Paper Magazine


“What’s that silly lady doing?” asked one of the beans.

Kim Kardashian: Paper Magazine, November 2014

 

What does one say to that? Oh, just drizzling Champagne into her ass glass? Or, Using her personal tray table? Pouring a tall glass of mommy juice?

I settled on, “Nothing important.”

Having said that — and I stand by it — this is actually a perfectly kicky and arresting visual for someone who surely would love it if we all believed her life involved raining Moet & Chandon all over sparkly couture. It’s chipper and it’s gleeful and it’s flaunting everything about her that she might want to flaunt — including her absurd level of fame and the Internet that helped hand it to her.But this is also one of the most photographed women in the world. We know what her body looks like. It is going to take some extreme proof to make me believe she hasn’t been given the Barbie treatment by an airbrusher, which I fear will make our younglings want to have throw-pillows surgically implanted in their nethers (which is about as real as her rear-end looks in this finished product). Kim Kardashian is not someone who can afford to be perceived as any more cartoonish than she already is, and yet here we are. So the thing is, I like the whimsy, and it’s by far the nicest of her three photos. But there’s also an “I’m famous! SUCK ON THAT, Y’ALL” aura to it that doesn’t look particularly good on her.

Speaking of Barbie, and not looking particularly good on her, the next cover is decidedly not safe for work, unless you work at a place that is pro-crack. Of the rump variety, although I guess if your office is pro-crack in terms of the drug, then a naked derriere isn’t going to faze anyone. Otherwise, tread carefully.

did i mention the nsfw thing? because it’s nsfw

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Fug or Fab the Cover: Rihanna on and in Elle Magazine, December 2014


Real Real And Crazy Beautiful” sounds like the title of some Bravo show about dilettantes.

[Photos: Elle]

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Recent Fugs and a Cover: Rita Ora in London and on Cosmopolitan


Whether you love the cover or hate it, it might be the high point of the slideshow.

[Photo: Cosmopolitan, Fame/Flynet]

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Well Played Cover: Lupita Nyong’o on Glamour


This is good, right here:

Lupita-Nyongo-Glamour-December-2014

I support their use of the exclamation point there, after “Lupita,” because when I saw that she was on the Women of the Year cover, I actually SAID, “oh, Lupita!” aloud, in a delighted tone, to my laptop. This white-and-pink theme feels VERY Glamour but also very fresh and the bling-y earrings are appropriately festive without also screaming HAPPY HOLIDAYS! Instead, it just sort of feels like there’s a champagne bottle just out of frame, which personally is how I think all December covers ought to look. Additionally, her eyebrows look great. Has she always has such good brows? Have I somehow overlooked Lupita in my List of People With Great Brows? Consider that error remedied.

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Fug or Fab the Covers: November Vogues


Sound the alarm! American Vogue has a model on the cover! Let’s look at it — and a whole bunch of international Vogues. A LOT of models await you, in fact. ALL MODELS. 100% models!

[Photos: Vogue]

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Mostly Well Played Covers: Elle’s Women in Hollywood


Honestly, these are mostly pretty awesome. I LOVE seeing such a wide range of ages on the cover of a major women’s magazine, for once. I wonder which one I will get in the mail (I think Jennifer Garner, Tina Fey, and Zoe Saldana are the newsstand options, but I have a subscription. Fingers crossed for my fellow Jessica, the glorious Ms Lange).

[Covers: Elle]

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