Fug File: Fug The Cover

Fab, then Fug, the Covers: Claire Danes and Lady Gaga on Glamour


Let’s start with the January 2014 effort:

This is the third January cover that has seemed very summery to me, so there must be some market research out there that suggests by this time people are hella sick of coats and winter and sweaters, and just want to imagine they’re in a gazebo on a warm summer day, waiting for a hot man to bring them some pink lemonade (heavily spiked). And while I freely admit the weird twine criss-crossing her is super bizarre and bondage-adjacent, she HERSELF looks absolutely gorgeous and I love the idea of the cover. We see Claire so stressed out on Homeland that it’s brilliant to keep to so cheerfully simple and have her radiate happiness. She also looks almost sultry, which is another thing I don’t generally associate with her. So Glamour has managed to give us a fresh look at Claire Danes, without making her look nothing like Claire Danes. Well played. Wherever she is, I want to go to there, although I’d replace the drunken lemonade with something involving ginger. I’m super into alcoholized ginger right now.

I don’t think Glamour fared as well with Lady Gaga:

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Well Played Cover: Posh and Becks on Paris Vogue


I don’t know if I totally understand — or ever even knew — how Paris Vogue and French Vogue are different. That being said, they let Posh here guest-edit the December/Jan issue and bless her for putting herself on the cover. I feel like there was a conversation that included the line: “Screw you, Anna Wintour, I’m doing this.” And, honestly, it turned out kind of great. Self-indulgent, but great.

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Fug the Cover: Ariana Grande on Teen Vogue


I sincerely cannot with this:

I generally really enjoy Teen Vogue, but this cover is simply not good. For one thing, I don’t know what they’re trying to do with her hair — she has a lot of hair, and while I am a fan of a lot of hair, it always looks totally out of control and not in the Sexy Bedhead Way. In the Jesus, I Can’t Deal With My Hair While I’m In The Middle of Cleaning Out the Garage Way. Considering that she also appears to be wearing some random tank top and leaning on a fence that needs painting, this whole thing sort of just screams 263 WAYS TO LOOK…WELL, BASICALLY JUST OKAY WHILE DOING YOUR CHORES.

[Photo: Teen Vogue]

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Annual Fug Nation Predict-The-Cover: Vogue


It’s time for our annual post predicting the cover subjects for the upcoming year of Vogue! Let’s take a look back and discuss how Vogue did in 2013 — make sure check to see how you did in last year’s Prediction Post. I got 6 of 12, which means if I were a baseball player, I’d be a huge star! — then see if you can predict the dozen who are going to make it past Anna for February 2014-January 2015.

My predictions, with the caveat that I think a lot of these are actually kind of crazy on my part: Keira Knightley; SWINTON (a girl can dream, as I really don’t think this will actually happen);  Angelina Jolie (ostensibly for Maleficent); Zoe Saladana, whose Nina Simone biopic is SUPPOSED to come out in 2014; Shailene Woodley, in a huge coup wiggling off Teen Vogue; Nicki Minaj;  Emma Stone; Kerry Washington; a Trio of Winter Olympians Probably Including Lindsay Vonn Which Will Be Awkward If Her Knee Doesn’t Heal; Cameron Diaz, ideally in full Miss Hannigan costume; Nicole Kidman; and January Jones (standing in for everyone else as Mad Men finally comes back). I am pretty sure I’m going to bat less than .500 this year. Your turn!

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Well Played Cover: Intern George on W


Well, this explains why he never showed up for our GFY HQ holiday card photo shoot, which we therefore had to cancel:

He couldn’t very well be seen as Santa Cloons in the same month that he graces this W cover — it would be a complete conflict of interest, right? You’re excused, George. And this is nice. I mean, basically, it’s just Intern George being Intern George, standing there wearing his standard-issue and still-excellent Intern George face while all the drama happens around him. What’s effective about it is how beautifully the simple sight of that familiar, delightful mug grounds all that drama. This is a pleasure. You’d think he’d at LEAST have sent us a complimentary copy with a doctor’s note explaining his more recent absences (much less the rest of his seven years’ worth). You’re SLIPPING, George. It’s a good thing we’re sentimental suckers.

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Who Covered It Better: Kate Hudson on Harper’s Bazaar vs LC on Cosmo


We already wrote up Lauren Conrad’s springy January 2014 cover of Cosmo, and then Harper’s Bazaar came along with what I’d term the grown-up version:

It’s the adult version of the flouncy little bra-top dress, a sexier version of the California beachy-blonde subject, the more famous lady, and obviously, it has cover lines that do not include unexpected lower-case vowels. The color palette is less HOT HOT HOT GET LAID A LOT than it is Be Super Classy This Year Y’all, and instead of an interview about “getting past the haters,” this one simply offers us “the real deal.” It’s like an entire demographic jump north of the other one. The question is, which one do you like better? Neither dress lights me on fire, and both women look charming and fun, but something about the overall mien of this one stresses me out a lot less, plus Kate’s smile here is both so wholly her and so wholly Goldie, in a way that delights me. I’m sure this is just me inching toward Harper’s demo and out of Cosmo’s, but I am going to give this cover the win.

But it is YOUR opinion I want to hear:

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