Fug File: Fug The Cover

Fug or Fab The Cover: Lea Michele on Teen Vogue

There’s a lot about this that I really like:

The No Makeup makeup, which I always love on a teen-oriented magazine, the vow that big hair is back (you know I love big hair), the dreamy retro filter that makes her look like she’s just fallen out of a box of photographs someone once kept at the top of their guest closet, the white eyelet top. I have a white eyelet thing. I once bought a white eyelet Marc Jacobs shift dress at the Barney’s Warehouse sale and I still think of that dress sometimes, even though I never wore it and I ended up selling it on eBay because it made me look like a giant envelope.

But I just want to know what’s wrong with her hands and why she’s about to eat that weed. I know you’re a vegetarian, Lea! I saw you on Top Chef. But maybe try an avocado instead! (Actually, the day Teen Vogue runs a cover with an actress biting into an avocado like an apple is the day I send the Avocado Lobby forty bucks in cash.)

What say you?

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Well Played Cover: Lena Dunham on Vogue

The rumors were true! I have to say, I love this. (I’ll be interested to see if there’s a hullabaloo over the fact that it’s a face shot, rather than a body shot, but for my two cents, I think Elle would have gotten away with Mindy Kaling’s beauty shot if it hadn’t been the only waist-up cover of the four, as I said at the time; just having a great face on the cover isn’t that weird, and Vogue did it on last year’s February cover as well. [edit: since I wrote this, Jezebel has offered $10k for the unretouched pics, which...you know what? Vogue retouches everyone. If I were on Vogue, I would want the full f'ing treatment, myself. Anyway.]) It’s very whimsical, it’s very eye-catching, and it’s got a ton of personality. She also, not for nothing, looks very pretty but also very much like herself. That’s three Vogue covers in a row that I’ve really liked. Should I re-up my subscription?

Let’s look inside.

[Photos: Vogue]


Fug the Cover: Ariana Grande on Cosmo

It still gets me that Ariana Grande looks so super young, so even though she’s twenty, it was strange for a second to see her on the cover of Cosmo.

But I actually think that’s because she looks so uncomfortable on it. Almost afraid. Like she’s terrified someone is about to bust out the word “va-jay-jay” or ask her to discuss something with her nethers. The dress is nothing special — very Bring It On: Fashion Week — and the emojis on the cover are totally absurd, almost as desperately weird as the random uncapitalized letters on last month’s cover, or the way they sometimes tweet things written like this: “*~*ObSeSsEd*~**~” (Seriously, I copied and pasted that.) But the cover girl looking like she’s not even really sure she wants to be there, and that she’s not real comfortable with the way you’re looking at her, or your hot sex movies, and she’s not really ready to know you in this way? That is off-puting no matter how great her hair looks.


Well Played Cover: Troian Bellasario on Seventeen

I actually really love this cover:

I mean, it has WAY too many words on it. But I covet those shoes with a fiery and intense passion previously only felt during Ralph Fiennes’s Quiz Show years, and I love Seventeen for the fact that their cover girls are almost always totally fully dressed. Plus, who doesn’t love a polka dot? If you don’t love a polka dot, we’re going to have to go outside and have words, Thomas-and-O’Brien-style (in other words, one of us will be smoking and both of us will be enraged).  She’s probably technically too old to be on the cover of a teen magazine — she’s 28 and dating one of the Suits — but who cares? Aren’t most of us technically too old for a lot of things?



Fugs or Fabs The Cover: Elle’s Women in TV

Another Elle cover, another controversy. Remember when everyone — including us — was yapping about how Melissa McCarthy was the only actress on their Women in Film cover wrapped in an enormous coat? Now the scuttlebutt is over the fact that they’ve chosen to make Mindy Kaling’s cover black and white, and closely cropped. (She says she loves it, and she might. But let’s get real: NO ACTRESS is going to come out and say, “yeah, man. Elle really f’ed that up, right?” They are always going to politely claim to love their cover.) But the truth is that this scandal is distracting us all from the fact that Amy Poehler looks drunk on hers, and the other two aren’t very good either.


Fug The Covers: Amy Adams, Jennifer Lawrence, Lupita Nyong’o, Oprah, Matthew McConaughey, and Cate Blanchett on W Magazine’s Movie Issue

The covers feature six very attractive people looking like six varying degrees of imperiled, sexy, normal, wet, creepy, and crazy. There are inside photos of a bunch of other people, too, but let’s just focus on the front of the book, since that’s what is supposed to make me want to peek inside. Which I would, if I liked horror movies.