Fug File: Fug The Cover
And while we’re here, your cover SUBJECT should not look like you vertically stretched her photo to make it fit, and/or moved her eyes closer together, and/or gave her a totally new nose, and/or gave her a child’s hands. In short, Zooey Deschanel should look like Zooey Deschanel, and not a Zooey Deschanel doll that failed quality control or melted in the car.
Also, I think that scarf might need to mind its own business, and I am making my best DOUBTFUL face about there being 55 new ways to wear jeans. I assume they mean 55 different outfits for them, but it SOUNDS like they’re saying they’re going to teach us tricks like how to tie them around our necks or wear them like sweaters or turn them into hats.
But, no. All that is tangential to the rest of this mess. Her right hand right now is going to show up in my nightmares. It just does not look like it belongs to her. Or that the fingers and palm came from different people, or… I think I am going to go write a horror movie real quick.
This particular issue of Lucky has been promoted as addressing Whatever The Hell Happened in the Elevator With Solange and Jay-Z, but basically what she says is, “I already said what I wanted to say in the statement we made about this earlier, but I get why you’re asking.” Which, honestly, is what I would have said, too. I would not want to re-open that whole thing by announcing that actually she and Jay just have a long-term standing slap-bet, or that they are in a feud stretching through space and time dating back to an ancient Viking curse or whatever the unknowable truth may be. But the reason that I like this cover — and I do — is that she looks VERY Solange. She’s wearing deeply pleated pants and a sweatshirt with a flipbook stapled to it, and she still looks cool. It’s like a miracle, and I suspect it cannot be taught. Also: there’s coffee. I’ll do anything for a cup of coffee.