I don’t subscribe to O, but it randomly shows up at my house anyway — as do TV Guide and Seventeen, among others. So please imagine the look on my face when this arrived through my mail slot:
Granted, there was an address label covering the bit at the bottom which explains there is an “Oprah Through The Ages” story, so I didn’t know until right now that it had an (alleged) hook. However, even knowing there is a thin thread of rational thought doesn’t REALLY make this work, because IT IS TOO HILARIOUS. If that is even her body, I feel like this has to have been the most awkward photoshoot of all time, convincing Oprah to look like she would ever be caught dead in that hat. My personal contention is that they hired a body double, because Oprah would rather eat nails baked in Martha Stewart’s DNA than put any of these clothes on her body, and they photoshopped her face in later. And EVEN THEN, nobody could find a face of hers that took this seriously, so her body says, “I’m just sitting on Gordon and Maria’s stoop on Sesame Street waiting for Mr. Hooper to open the store,” but her face says, “If I were not being paid handsomely for this, I would light this studio on fire and then drink wine while stomping on its ashes.” All the more amazing when you realize the cover line bleats about your COMFORT ZONE and how to find it. This could not be less her comfort zone if it were QVC and she were hosting a segment selling colon cleansers.