Fug File: Fug The Cover

Fug or Fab the Cover: Zendaya on Cosmopolitan, July 2016


First, let’s consider this on its own merits.

cosmopolitan-cover-zendaya-july-2016

Overall thoughts: Do NOT SNOOP ON HIS PHONE. Nothing good comes of that. Also, I find it obnoxious that the tongue-out winking emoji is sitting right on her butt. Why is it there at all? Isn’t that a playful and semi-sarcastic emoji? Is Cosmo not SINCERE about people not settling? If you’re going to muck up your cover with cartoon faces, at least make sure they aren’t undercutting your meaning — or licking your cover subject’s rump. Come on. [Note: Someone in the comments said she saw a different one on the newsstand, and this is the only photo of it I can find online. The love cover line instead says, "YOU DESERVE BETTER SEX," and then, "You'll Never Fake It Again." But the only one being circulated by Cosmo is this one. INTERESTING.]

As for the lady herself: Zendaya is, as we’ve all trumpeted on the site and in the comments, crazy charismatic. It’s to her credit that this even remotely works. I do think she seems like way more fun than this outfit, though, which is basically a suit mixed with a cheerleading uniform. If the idea is that she’s wearing a blazer because she’s talking about commanding respect… that’s a bit boring. She’s more powerful than that.  Indeed, this pose as a whole is not as fierce as I would want it to be for a story that says, “Protect yourself and command respect,” which I guess is the side effect of shooting the cover so far ahead of when they do the actual interview. You don’t know what you’re going to get. But with a person like Zendaya, surely you could assume. I want her unique flavor of confidence, not some refried template.

And if you think I’m kidding about the refried template, take a look at the cover side-by-side with one they already did three years ago with Nina Dobrev.

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Fug the Covers: Various InStyle Editions


InStyle‘s U.S. editions seem to be trying to skew a little more Vogue with their covers, and a little less That Stodgy Old Magazine That Piles Up At The Hairdresser And Never Gets Thrown Out. I’m not sure if I think it’s working, but I DO think the makeover — however slight — was overdue.

[Photos: InStyle U.S. and U.K.]

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Your Afternoon Man: Dwyane Wade on ESPN the Magazine’s Body Issue


This more or less speaks for itself.

He may be out of his comfort zone, but he’s pretty squarely in mine. In other words: HELLO.

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Fug or Fab the Cover: Amy Schumer on Vogue, July 2016


I’m really torn about this cover, although there is one thing I LOVE here: The “Let Curls Be Curls” cover line. AMEN, Anna.

amy-schumer-vogue-july-2016-cover

As for the rest, I need to work through it.

Pro: Her hourglass is well-represented. They didn’t Photoshop her into oblivion.

Con: The eye makeup makes her look like she hasn’t slept in three days.

Pro: The lipstick is aces.

Con: The hair is bedhead.

Pro: Bedhead is okay sometimes.

Con: I’m not sure this, in combination with the eyes, looks like Groovy Bedhead as much as “I just closed my eyes for a sec on this grassy knoll — is it still Sunday?”

Pro: I do like that Amy has stormed this particular fortress.

Con: I also feel like they storyboarded this cover idea with a silhouette bearing the label “INSERT WHATEVER CELEBRITY HERE, IT DOESN’T MATTER,” and then shoehorned Amy into it.

Pro: The… grass is nice and green?

Con: She says she doesn’t want to play the game, but redefine it; doesn’t this cover feel like it’s redefining nothing?

Pro: Maybe that’s part of her statement. Maybe the reason she looks like she just woke up in a field after the Prom is because she’s trying to tweak the Vogue-on-a-meadow conventions.

Con: That interpretation might be a reach, though.

Pro: Stilettos are back!

Con: Were stilettos really ever gone?

Pro: That Versailles show looks really dishy.

Con: “Unique Chic: The New Season’s Standout Style” is more Vague than Vogue.

click for the poll and an excerpt

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Fug or Fab the Cover: Margot Robbie on Vogue, June 2016


Well, it’s certainly no accident that on the “golden summer” cover, with a story about bronzer, Margot Robbie looks like she is auditioning for a Goldfinger remake.

Margot Robbie on Vogue, June 2016

It’s not a terrible cover, in the sense that I DEFINITELY feel the advent of summer. But I think painting Margot Robbie so heavily in this artificial, blinding, reflective fake tan actually just washes out her looks. For comparison, look at this photo of her from April:

"Whiskey Tango Foxtrot" World Premiere - Arrivals

I just think she looks better when she’s allowed to have some variety. On the Vogue cover, I just want to run over to her and offer her some SPF and a parasol.

[Photos: Vogue, Getty]

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Fug or Fab the Covers: The Ghostbusters on Elle, July 2016


Whether you like this or not, it IS about time someone put Leslie Jones on a magazine cover.

[Photos: Elle]

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Well Played Cover: Kerry Washington in Dolce & Gabbana, and Aziz Ansari, on Variety


How cute is this?

Sure, I could mean the cover as a whole — it is charming as hell — but mostly, I mean Kerry’s dress. It’s like the world’s most fantastic backsplash, and I hope you know me well enough by now to realize that “your day dress would make a FANTASTIC BACKSPLASH” is one of the very highest compliments I can pay anyone. We should all be wearing that and drinking a fruity cocktail by a pool. It’s summer in a dress, and she looks divine.

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