Well Played, Helen Mirren/Not So Much, Andrea Riseborough

ANDREA RISEBOROUGH: Someone else wore this dress recently, and I can’t remember who.

HELEN MIRREN: Just smile and think of England, dear.

ANDREA: It didn’t look super great on whoever it was, either.

HELEN: Darling, just pretend everything is fine.

ANDREA: This WOULD be a kind of great dress if I were secretly pregnant, though. It has a flattering bump ruffle!

HELEN: Yes, yes. Stop obsessing. You don’t have to wear it again. Look happy for the cameras, lamb chop.

ANDREA: Are you trying to get me to shut up?

HELEN: Yes. I want to talk about ME and how great I look.

ANDREA: You almost always look great.

HELEN: This is true. Fair enough, dear, commence further nattering over your fluff muffle, or whatever it was you were going on about.

ANDREA: Oh, never mind.

HELEN: Peace at last.

[Photo: Getty]

Leave a reply

Comments (31):

  1. Lina

    Oh, Andrea Riseborough, just because Marchesa sends you a dress does not mean you have to wear it. In fact, for nearly all their dresses, just say no.

    • Lina

      Oops, didn’t mean to hit post yet. I wanted to add how weird it is seeing Helen Mirren as a platinum blonde. I adore her, but this is not her usual fabulous white hair. It’s a little disconcerting.

      • witjunkie

        Oh, you’re right. But trust Mirren to go blonde in PRECISELY the right shade.

  2. TaraMisu

    Hmm. Take off the ruffles and it would be passable. Boring, but passable.
    And a HUGE no to the mirror shoes… fug.

  3. jerkygirl

    Standing next to Helen Mirren would make almost anyone look bad, so I feel for the girl, but in that dress. . .man, she looks so bad she’s almost a cartoon!!! The look on her face seems to say “crap, man, I got dressed in the dark, showed up in this monstrosity, and now I’m being photographed next to Helen Effin’ Mirren, could I POSSIBLY look any worse???”

  4. pidget

    Can I be Helen when I’m a grown-up? Pleeeeease?

  5. theotherjennifer

    What is Helen Mirren drinking that she looks so damn great all the time?? Can they bottle it – I would totally buy that.

  6. gladly

    I demand that “fluff muffle” become a thing: you can choose to what it refers, but I want more occasions to use it.

    • Chaosmastersf

      Fluff Muffle FTW! \o/

      • Petrova Fossil

        When I first saw “fluff muffle”, I read it as “muff ruffle,” which, while deeply vulgar, is apt.

  7. Carolina Girl

    Andrea’s dress sucks, but I dig her shoes.

  8. Lynne

    Oh, look. More than one daft starlet wore Marchesa’s tribute to tissue dispensers. Seriously, is there no one who can stop Marchesa?

  9. vandalfan

    You know, I’m not even all that sold on Helen’s outfit. I’d edit out the pink fringed neck cowl. And if the upper fluff-muffle Kleenex dispenser was removed, the white dress would simply be a bad but acceptable costume for Jessica Rabbit. And she’s a cartoon.

  10. elle

    I love the fact that HM is resolutely NOT LOOKING …

  11. mary lou bethune

    Helen looks utterly fantastic. The dress is one of the prettiest I have seen in ages. Really, she can do no wrong. love her.

  12. ceecee

    If Andrea catches a cold, at least she’ll have plenty of tissues handy.

  13. Coco

    Totally agree with jerkygirl. You’re probably going to fail when you stand next to Helen Mirren, but it doesn’t mean you can’t put a little effort into it.

  14. foo

    Her boobs and crotch are both wearing Sam Elliott’s mustache. Ha! (or Wilford Brimley’s) Never a good look except on Sam Elliott.

    HM looks great in that color, but she always does. I really think she knows the charm of making.

    • AmandaD

      Ha! Sam Elliott’s ‘stache is a national treasure, but this is not the way to commemorate it.

  15. ChristopherD

    La MIRREN looks, as usual, elegant and appropriately dressed. It actually looks like it might be vintage.
    The other is just a fail, shoe fail, veil/fluffmuffle fail, and without it’s still a fail, boring!

  16. Caroleena Stantonova

    Yeh, Andrea’s dress is discombobulated, but I do so covet her shoes. gimme gimme!

  17. Tatiana

    I’ve lost track of how we got here, but I am in complete agreement with AmandaD that Sam Elliot’s mustache is a national treasure. I got a little excited just writing that… :)

    Pidget, Girlfriend, I hear ya: I want to be Helen when I grow up, too!

    And Fugly Girls: thank you for existing. For years, you have cracked me up every night after work. That, Ladies, is priceless.

  18. Geemee

    Aaaaaaand my Helen Mirren crush continues unabated. Love that dress, love the warmth the blonde gives her face. That chick with her, on the other hand. Just … no. The dress gives her the hips of two women, stuck on top of skinny skinny legs. The scraped-back hair doesn’t help. Time to fire the stylist.

  19. Ann

    Call me crazy but I totes wanna bang la Mirren.

    • Geemee

      I’m SO glad you said that! I absolutely want to make out with her and I’m straight. Except for her, apparently.

  20. spider42

    Hah! That really is one hell of a silly outfit!

    And Helen Mirren is truly a most remarkable woman! Still a stunner!

  21. Mahastee

    I don’t mind the white dress, which is confusing as it is not conventionally flattering. Love the shoes, but not the purse.

    Mirren always looks great, but I don’t get the boob bandana. What IS that?

  22. segf

    Merry christmas!!!

  23. CB

    That would be “Who is Michelle Monaghan?”, for $200, Andrea.

  24. Jade

    I just love Helen Mirren. She is always so beautiful!