The three brunettes that are ruling teen TV these days all wore very similar outfits to the VMAs. Since I spent years being unable to tell Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato apart, throwing one more in the mix — one who has been mistaken for The Vampire Diaries’ Nina Dobrev in print, no less, just to add to the confusion — it seems like the least someone could’ve done is tossed some paint onto their dresses so we could refer to them by color.

Let’s start with the Dobrev clone, Victoria Justice.

Pretty girl in a shiny, tiny dress. Par for the course. She’s eighteen, but she looks twenty-six. Let’s hope that math doesn’t still work when she’s twenty-six, or else she’ll be super bummed out that she’s being prematurely boxed out of the coveted 18-34 demographic. Anyway, the dress is maybe a little too much sparkle for me, like a Christmas tree in the home of a stripper who is allergic to green.

Next up: Demi Lovato.

Demi has a history of looking matronly, and this is another trip into the land of premature aging. But mostly I think it just makes her look short and a bit… aggressive. It also doesn’t look comfortable, not as if she can breathe in it. This girl has overcome a lot; it seems unfair to make her overcome this dress, too, and yet I know she can do better than this. If Cougar Town were a retail store instead of a sitcom, this would be in the shop window.

And finally, the Gomez, for her presenting gig:

Much better than her red carpet dress, but I can’t escape the notion that — even in gold — she is somehow UNDERdressed now, like she was just about to leave for her hostessing job at Geisha House when they yanked her on-stage to give Taylor Lautner some attractive company. Still, it is neither as short and jangly as Vitoria’s, nor as… heat-seeking… as Demi’s. But it’s also very safe. So which one wins?

Loading ... Loading ...