Maybe we’re just jet-lagged and tired; maybe we’re just insane. But Jessica and I had to stare at this moment on the show for about five minutes before we realized this wasn’t Anonymous MTV Starlet and Blonde Rihanna.
It is, of course, Rita Ora on the right up there wearing The Bumble’s armpit shavings as a sweater, and Demi Lovat on the left, proving that being on a show wherein she sits next to Britney also appears to be turning her INTO Britney. Child, if you suddenly have any unsightly urges to prod photographers with an umbrella, please do not turn to the side and ask for advice because La Spears didn’t exactly handle that with aplomb. It was fully sans plomb, in fact.
The fun thing about this, though, is that when I saw Rita on TV I thought, “Oh, vat of crazysauce.” But now that I’ve seen what she wore on the red carpet, I know that this was really just a crazy amuse bouche:
And THIS is the prime rib crazy platter, cooked rare, and served on a plate of nutballs with a side of creamed lunacy and a baked potato (because there should always be a baked potato — it’s one of life’s essential tenets). If Elvis had been reincarnated as a woman, he would have worn this. Well, check that; Elvis WAS reincarnated as a woman, and it was me, sadly for him (I was born on his exact death day). I have wasted his spirit. Sorry, Elvis. But if you ever decided to come forth and take over my body, I am pretty sure you will be bummed out that it’s not going to look good in this.