Total Eclipse of the Fug


The good news: Bonnie Tyler is BACK, and she’s representing Great Britain in this year’s Eurovision Song Contest.

The bad news is, early hints suggest her song is called “Shake Your Polterwang.”

[Photo: WENN]

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Comments (33):

  1. Helen
    +11

    Is she wearing a codpiece under the pants?

  2.  bambi_beth
    +6

    That is so unfortunate and then she went and framed it. She must know, right? She must.

    • Tiffany
      +3

      I am guessing she probably stood completely straight in the mirror with feet shoulder width a part. I feel so bad for her, I am hoping this is just an unfortunate pose/picture and that she didnt walk around all day…sharing.

    • Mina
      +22

      i was just going to ask: “Don’t people know when their pants are doing this to them?” Do they just not care? I spend a fair amount of time staring at my crotch making sure my pants don’t do this. Am I insane?

      • Tiffany
        +11

        My favorite line ever printed on GFY:
        “I spend a fair amount of time staring at my crotch making sure my pants don’t do this”

        LOL, thank you! :D

      • Helen
        0

        Aw, Mina. LOL

        *hugs*

        No you are not insane, and I think I will start doing the same!

  3. Gigi
    +2

    Total Eclipse of My Eyes! Although I think I like the graffiti.

    Tonight, my Dutch friends through Facebook are posting that the eurotrash craziness has been taken down a notch this year. But that still leaves lots of room, I’m thinking…

    • Chris P
      0

      onight, my Dutch friends through Facebook are posting that the eurotrash craziness has been taken down a notch this year.

      NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

      And holy hell, Eurovision is TONIGHT? I did not even realize! (And also, Loreen’s competing again? I mean, I STILL have “Euphoria” starred on Spotify – DON’T JUDGE – but…I thought winners generally didn’t go for twofers?)

      • Marion
        0

        Nah, just the first semi. Thursday is the other, and than on Saturday the big bag of craziness.

        • Marion
          0

          then

          • Chris P
            0

            So I saw. And I’m ALREADY seriously upset about things (NOOOOOOOO WHY’D MONTENEGRO GET ELIMINATED).

            @delpheena – That makes a lot more sense, then! (The opening to the semis actually…went off pretty well. And not quite as campy as I thought, even though she busted out a child chorus.) I must have been smoking crack or something beforehand.

      • delpheena
        0

        Nope, Loreen’s not competing, just present as last year’s winner, sang Euphoria in the first semi and probably hands over the trophy on Sat.

  4. anna s.
    +13

    Bonnie, I know you once had a song called “If You Were A Woman And I Was A Man”, but it shouldn’t be a theme to plan your clothes by. She’s holding out for a hero to tell her that her pants are wrong.

  5. AM
    +2

    Well, I like Bonnie Tyler–okay, I know about 2 songs, but still. So I am going with unfortunate angle picture.

  6. A. Beaverhausen
    +3

    It’s true those pants are fug. But why on earth would anyone ever design and manufacture that shirt? And why would anyone ever buy and wear it?! If it weren’t a mullet (this time it’s party in the front, business in the back) we wouldn’t even see the polterwang.

    • Goldfish
      +6

      Oh but if a polterwang protrudes in the woods and there’s no one there to see it, is the crotch still egregiously misshapen?

  7. Goldfish
    +3

    Don’t you people know a total eclipse when you see one? It is a planetary event.

  8. Chris P
    +3

    YEAH YEAH FORGET BONNIE TYLER.

    WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT MONTENEGRO.

    (I mean, I was getting depressed because the weirdest things that happened before that were dudes dancing in metal masks and a chick being carried around by a giant and placed on a rock. AND THEN SPACEBAT CHICK WEARING A SCOUTER AND TWO DUDES RAPPING IN…I THINK MONTENEGRIN IN SPACESUITS. THANK YOU JESUS.)

    Also, once upon a time I was falling in love, but now we’re only falling apart. I blame the pants for that.

    • goldfish
      +1

      Well, Montenegro — it’s very easy to get heroin there, but almost impossible to get regular old antibiotics. As you may or may not know. That can’t be a good combination. So that’s probably why they brought the cray-cray only at the last minute, you know?

      The bar, it has dipped so low in the decades since ABBA dominated this competition.

      And yes, La Tyler’s pants are responsible for much.

  9. Jane
    +1

    Eww. Couldn’t stand her singing voice 20+ years ago and I doubt it’s gotten any better.

  10. BrownEyedBetty
    +1

    This is just all kinds of wrong.

  11. Emma
    +3

    “Shake Your Polterwang?” I want to hear that song.

  12. Ailatan
    +5

    ♫ I don’t what to do, I’m always dressing in the dark
    We´re living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
    I really didn’t need the fug, forever´s gonna start the fug
    forever´s gonna start the fug ♪

    • goldfish
      +5

      Not only do I like your post, but I am awed that you know how to make musical notes up in here.

  13. holly
    +3

    Ok, the pants are….not good. According to Wikipedia she’s 61. Can we talk about how amazing her face/hair/bod looks?!

  14. Goldfish
    +6

    I admire her for making a comeback. Interesting Bonnie trivia — I know this because I (used to be) a singer. Bonnie (and I) had the same serious vocal cord nodes that require drastic surgery. When she started out singing, she was smooth like Karen Carpenter. But she (and I) got the nodes and got the knife. You aren’t supposed to speak at all afterwards for 6 weeks. Bonnie ignored this, continued her gig in a metal band like the next week, and damaged her voice permanently. But then, her damaged rasp became her trademark and earned her several #1 hits. I followed the doctor’s instructions to the T and healed perfectly. And yet, here I sit on the Internets criticizing her pants, while she is on Eurovision at 61. Props to her.

  15. Lily1214
    0

    Oh my goodness.