Fug File: Tony Awards

Tony Awards Kookily Played: Fran Drescher

It’s my understanding that Fran Drescher is in Cinderella on Broadway.

But I think we can all agree that she’s wasted on any stage except that most noble of places: Eurovision. Although the harsh realities of geography bar us from competing, at the very least she could host the BBC America coverage that REALLY OUGHT TO HAPPEN AHEM PEOPLE GET ON IT. I can just hear her and, say, Anderson Cooper, dissecting the symbolism and pageantry of fire cannons, and who was too preachy and who was too sappy and whether there was enough eye-banging from the plaintive ballad singers, amid her dramatic readings of the English-translated lyrics. Suddenly the Polish entry this year feels incomplete without this experience.

[Photo: Splash News]


Tony Awards Fug Carpet: Idina Menzel in Zac Posen

I am ashamed of what I’m about to do, but it’s RIGHT THERE for the taking, so here goes:

Idina Menzel in Zac Posen at the Tony Awards

This seams on that thing are a worse botch-job than Adele Dazeem. ZING. TIP YOUR SERVER. Don’t order the soup.

[Photo: Splash]


Tony Awards Bummerly Played: Audra McDonald in Escada

Audra McDonald won a record sixth Tony Award — and wept really touchingly while doing it — and so I’m very sad she didn’t look as regal as her legacy.

Audra McDonald, Tony Awards

If you have just woken up in your home to breakfast in your Marimekko bed cooked by a dashing suitor, then yes, tuck that thing around yourself and dive in and enjoy. [Edited to be clearer: like the pattern a lot, don't care for the way it fits; I don't think it's working with her.] But when you are at the Tony Awards… at least look like you aren’t showing up wearing yesterday’s hair.

[Photo: Splash]


Tony Awards Fug Carpet: Maggie Gyllenhaal in Dolce & Gabbana

When she came out on the Tony stage, this just looked so silly and clunky on her.

Maggie Gyllenhaal, Tony Awards, Dolce & Gabbana

It’s better on the red carpet, but that hem is killing me with looking like it’s from a party store, and the whole enterprise has me concerned that The Lion King and War Horse have paved the way for a live-action Trumpet of the Swan. As stirred as we might all be by John Mayer hopping on the musical train with numbers like “Your Blackboard Is A Wonderland,” “Bigger Than My Swan Boat,” and “Why, Voicebox,” I might prefer to let that classic live on the page.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]


Tony Awards Bomer Carpet: Matt Bomer as Matt Bomer in Things Matt Bomer Is Wearing

Because it’s Monday, and because I love you and want you to have nice things:

Our beloved Intern George is getting married, and has a poor attendance record. We might be hiring at GFY HQ, Matt. I’m just saying.

[Photo: Splash]


Tony Awards: Fugs and Fabs and Hmms

It’s time to montage some of these people — we have a Swedish royal wedding to get to, people.

[Photos: Getty, WENN]


Tony Awards Fug or Fab: Scarlett Johansson

Imagine, if you will: You’re Scarlett Johansson. Once you read all your diaries and text messages and e-mails and whatnot, just to get the gossip on yourself, and you quickly write something on her forehead as proof of your possession and send yourself a portrait of it so that you can make your real-life friends believe, and then you stare at yourself in the mirror for three hours and try on all your clothes and then maybe call up someone from her Little Black Book for some ex-sex (anyone but Sean Penn) just to maximize your time in her body… when you’ve finished all THAT, you realize you’re due at the Tony Awards, and that you’ve barely been seen on the red carpet in at least eighteen months, in which time your ex has remarried. What do you do?

a) Bust out the biggest, awesomest, most show-stopping dress you can find, even if it’s a little crazy, just because it’s your time and your turn to make a splash;

b) Bust out the most gorgeous, sleekest, hint-of-sexy gown in a great color that you can find, because you’re Scarlett Johansson and you don’t have to try that hard to make people look;

c) Rest on your laurels a little, because you are Scarlett Johansson, and you can get by in an LBD and a jacket with good legs and some dark red lipstick, and also, you don’t want anyone to think you CARE about making a splash;

d) Stay home and call through that Little Black Book again because God knows how long you’ll get to be her.

Clearly ScarJo chose (c), which, aside from being the official national default answer to a multiple-choice test, also does at least work on her. It’s not a FAULTY outfit. But is it Tony-presenter-worthy? Is it enough? Is she resting on her laurels? Did she hit a home run, or just a double? Any RBIs in there? What’s her stat line? Please advise.

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 [Photo: Getty]