Fug File: rompers

Who Fugged ‘Em More: Elisabeth Moss vs. January Jones

The first news is that Elisabeth Moss has scrapped the blonde.

I actually miss it, although I suspect it’s because Peggy Olsen has not yet discovered peroxide. But maybe what’s holding her back here, for me, is the fact that her makeup seems to belong with a totally different outfit. As do her shorts, which are so nondescript and tiresome. She’s, like, jazz hands on the top and gym rat on the bottom. I wish I could’ve seen the blazer and bright shirt with a skinny pant, or stylized tuxedo trouser. But if she had her heart set on formal shorts, I think she needed more interesting shoes with them. You need to SELL those suckers. To put this in terms Peggy would appreciate, those shorts are baked beans. You need to trick people into thinking they’re a delicious idea.

January Jones also went with formal shorts:

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VMAs Fug Carpet: Amber Rose

Amber Rose hasn’t been as much fun since she hooked up with Wiz Khalifa. Maybe it’s because when you’re hooking up with a dude named Wiz Khalifa, you don’t have much hope of being the more interesting one in the relationship. But seriously, would the Kanye West version of Amber Rose ever have worn this?

Yes, it’s a romper, and yes, that’s not my thing, but it’s otherwise so sedate. She looks like she’s about to star in a Russ Meyer movie about tennis. Whereas if she were still with Kanye, she’d look like she was about to star in a Russ Meyer movie about vengeful alien warlords, which is a lot more amusing for gawking purposes.


Fug or Fab: Cameron Diaz

Well, I wrote this before Cam-Cam showed up at the Bad Teacher premiere the other day in an actual skirt, but whatever. Bear with me. For a moment in time in Germany, the Cameron Diaz Romper Tour of 2011 continued apace:

This is from her appearance on Wetten Dass?, alongside J.Lo and Heidi Klum’s Poisoned Crotch outfit, and I really hope someone shows her this photo as evidence that she needs to stop trying to hang onto A-Rod by doing workouts with him that involve, like, pulling around giant tires or whatever. Those guns are a tad overloaded and her neck muscles are starting to look like doom. She is Cameron Diaz, not Magnus Ver Magnusson, World’s Strongest Man.

Cammy did ditch the romper for the movie’s German premiere, though:

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MTV Movie Awards Fug Carpet: Romperfest

Insert the usual about how Cameron Diaz’s legs are impressive, yes, and we too would be tempted to show them off to all comers at every turn, etc. Seriously, we all got the memo. At this point I feel like I was strapped down while someone forcibly tattooed it onto my arm.

And formal shorts are one thing, but a romper? I’m sure she calls it a Summer Jumpsuit, but I call it Stuff That’s Only Cute Before You’re Old Enough To Vote, And EVEN THEN The Jury Is Out. I respect that she is not wearing a genital-flashing skirt, but basically, I feel like this is just sort of a crotch-saver. It’s, “If I could wear a skirt this short, I would, but I can’t without inadvertently offering the world free parking in my g-spot, so I’ll just go ahead and make it shorts and VOILA, my problem is solved.” Except it’s not, because then you’re in a ROMPER. Which anagrams to RE-PROM. And do that many people want to relive those days? I think not.

On the other end of the spectrum, we have wee Elle Fanning, who is thirteen.

that can be an unlucky number


America’s Next Fug Model

So, as you may have heard, Tyra Banks is in business school at Harvard. Accordingly — I assume — she popped by the New York Stock Exchange on Monday.

Very appropriate, right? A blazer, necklace, nothing terribly crazy, no Andre Leon Talley in a cape. Is it too good to be true?

Isn’t it always?



Oh, Bryce. I know you’re in a movie based on a young-adult novel…

[Photo: Splash News]

… but you probably should stay out of the Macy’s Juniors section.


Fugberly Wyafug

I guess Kimberly Wyatt here is officially an ex-Pussycat Doll, per the caption that came with this photo. And now Google tells me the group broke up at the end of last year. Whatever shall I do. Wherever shall I go.

I wonder who came out the winner here. Solo-for-the-second-time-now artist Nicole Scherzinger has a record deal, true, but she’s also forced to trot around a parquet floor wearing heinous costumes while pretending she’s having fun frolicking to a karaoke-parlor-quality cover of, say, Lady Gaga. So even though Kim here is stuck in a shorn leather jacket and a romper made out of wallpaper and ribbon, there is at least no illusion netting in sight. AND she appears to have made a purse out of all Nicole’s old hair pieces, which feels like a very advanced way of flipping the bird. Maybe I’ll call it a tie.