Fug File: jumpsuit

Fug, then Fab: Hailee Steinfeld


The little old granny bursting at the seams of my soul REALLY can’t handle a girl Hailee’s age wearing anything even REMOTELY transparent.

I shouldn’t be able to see undergarments, I shouldn’t be wondering what percentage of this thing is lined, and I really shouldn’t be grimacing at what’s happening to her pelvis because my eyes should not BE on her pelvis because she is a fetus. Her pelvis is nobody’s business at this age. Don’t make me do illegal things just by virtue of having eyes, kid. Also, not for nothing: That is not a good jumpsuit. It’s like she’s been seized by creeping vines.

Fortunately, at a different event on the same night, she managed to be interesting in a better way:

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Getting Fugging Closer: Ke$ha


Her hair looks normal! Her face — when she doesn’t crack her lips to show off the gold tooth, which is absurd — looks clean and sane and cute! KE$HA APPEARS TO BE BATHING!

[Photos: Getty]

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Fugsica White


This is not the worst thing she’s ever worn.

But that doesn’t make it right to dress like a paratrooper in the Great Doily Fungus World War of 2013.

[Photo: Getty]

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Fugs and Fabs: This Week In Miley


Since her Cosmo cover caused such a stir among her fans — in a good way; they are obsessed with it, and in fact, at the launch party, we saw a long line of people who seemed decidedly too old to be waiting for her to autograph their issue — Miley has had a pretty good PR week. Let’s see how she clothed it.

[Photos: Getty, WENN]

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How I Met Your Fugger


I wish Josh Duhamel would give me Save Haven from this jumpsuit, you guys.

[Photos: Getty]

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Silver Fuggings Playbook


I wonder if our girl here was tired of getting the lesser Dior gowns, because she switched to Stella McCartney for the Santa Barbara film fest. The problem with that is, Stella McCartney’s clothes are almost always going to create more problems than they solve.

I am TRYING not to reject this purely on jumpsuit grounds. And her waist does look perfect and wee. But I really hate how stumpifying, grandmotherly, and even thickening those tapered, aggressively pressed satin pants are. The top appears to be sagging, as if she’s being slowly unwrapped by an invisible jerk. Add to that the messy eye makeup, the fact that those shoes are chafing the hell out of her feet, and the way her hair looks like she forgot she even had any at all, I’m wondering if that walking pneumonia still hasn’t released her from its wicked claws. Or, she’s seen the Dior she’s getting for the Oscars and wants to lower the bar so she’ll be assured of clearing it. In that case, I like her odds.

[Photo: Getty]

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