Fug File: Dallas
I was lamenting the other day the lack of great soaps — and thus, great soaps to parody in the brilliant vein of Tootsie and Soapdish — but Dallas is slinging the heat at night in a way Revenge could only hope to do. Because on Revenge nobody remembers what anyone’s motivations are, or who is blackmailing whom, and why, and what the HELL is even happening (ditto Pretty Little Liars). On Dallas, it’s super clear, and that’s why it works: Cliff Barnes hates the Ewings, no matter what, and lives to make OTHER people hate the Ewings; the Ewings hate Cliff and love winning; Sue Ellen loves alcohol and her son, and her affinity for one increases apace with her disillusionment with the other (just like with JR before him). And all the other allegiance-shifting that happens in between is pretty well plotted, so that you’re never confused, and you can’t be bored because Judith Light does coke and purrs things like, “When morality and money come at each other on a one-way road, morality gets run into the DITCH.” DAMN SKIPPY.