Fug File: beading
Hey, remember Isabel Lucas? She kind of fell off the face of the earth — I assumed this was because she decided she hated being an actor and in the public eye and chose instead to live a life of quiet solitude and gardening, or something.
Turns out she was just REALLY busy making that headpiece.
I really, really like Aubrey Plaza. She is so cute and snide on Parks and Rec — and how can you deny the pleasures of Janet Snakehole? That is some undeniable awesomeness right there. So thumbs up to Aubrey. But, as cute and unusual as it is to see her smiling, I’m not sure if I can give the same thumb to this outfit:
My thought it that this might be one of those things that looks amazing in person, and kind of like depressing wedding gift wrapping paper in photos.
Yes, of course that’s what you’d wear tti38YHOINKH[E08TU306HT60189558288*888w8yq948h2p8b9ubnkzjrhnlzkhjn ;lSHn I’m terribly sorry. I just fell asleep, right on top of my keyboard.
Look, I don’t dislike Aniston at all. Every time I get sucked into an 11pm rerun of Friends, I am struck anew by how good she is. I wish she’d get herself a new TV show and pop into my living room every week. What makes me all SHOUTY is the way her team handles her. Her red carpet looks are unfailingly unnoteworthy –and I think we can all agree that whether we’re squawking about how HORRIBLE something is, or flailing over how fantastic it is, both squawking and flailing are WAY MORE FUN than falling asleep. So we hate your outfit one day — big deal! We may love it the next, and, either way, at least you’re being INTERESTING. (Which is always my argument in favor of people NEVER ACTUALLY listening to us. DEAR GOD, celebrities, DON’T PAY US ANY MIND. SERIOUSLY. Wear that lobster hat with those hip waders! WEAR THEM TO THE OSCARS!) And she may actually BE mad in love with Justin Theroux, but at this point, Jennifer Aniston “suddenly” “finding herself” in a “relationship” right before she has a new movie coming out FEELS utterly contrived — even if it isn’t! In fact, my dream for her is that she and Theroux decide they’re soulmates and get married and have a couple of kids and that way, we’ll NEVER HAVE TO READ ABOUT HER LOVE LIFE AGAIN. She can hint to the press that she’s knocked up every time she has a movie coming out. Or they can hint that they’re having trouble. Or they can pretend they’re both holograms brought down to Earth to report back to the aliens. Something else. ANYTHING BUT WHO SHE’S DATING MY GOD PLEASE I HAVE AN UNENDING PATIENCE FOR CELEBRITY GOSSIP AND EVEN I AM OVER IT ARGH.
Also, try more red! You look good in red! LEAVE THE BLACK IN THE CLOSET FOR TWENTY MINUTES.
In case you’re wondering how to bounce back from THE WORST JUMPSUIT IN THE WORLD:
This dress seems like a pretty good place to start.
This dress is, I think, actually totally cute, even if the bottom of it looks a little bit like what would happen if you mixed Astro-turf with Brillo-pads, and therefore I know that if I were there I would be unable to to resist wandering up to Jessica Szhor with vague excuses as to why I needed to pat her hips, just because it’s so fascinatingly tactile. Like, “Oh, Jessica, I think you sat in some lint,” or “Oh, don’t mind me, I think the sparkles in your dress are magnetically attracted to my bracelet. Oooh, your skirt feels weird!” or “Do you mind if I just scrub out the inside of this pot with your hem? Won’t be a sec!”
But here’s the other thing: When I saw this picture in thumbnail form, I thought Vanessa From Brooklyn here was BAI LING, and our girl Bai has literally twenty years on Jessica Szhor. I think the takeaway from that — for us all, truly — is: be careful what you do with your bangs, and never match your cracked out clodhopper shoes exactly to your outfit. MAKE A NOTE, FUG NATION.