“But I guess more than anything else, I’d like to thank the criminal in the gorilla suit who knocked me out, traded clothes, and made his getaway after leaving me in a broom closet, which is where I woke up five minutes ago. Without him, I wouldn’t have anything for the middle of act two of the movie of my life. Thanks, man. Maybe Taylor Swift and I write a duet about you someday.”
Fug File: wearing black
It’s not great news for the designer that I was going to guess it was Versace.
And it’s even worse news for Nicki that she’s essentially wearing a very expensive ladyjuicer.
Dior is the master of beautiful overlays that could have been stunning… if they were real dresses. First Jennifer Lawrenc got the Onesie With A Dream, and now this:
There are a couple offenses here: One is the fact that they put Charlize Theron in a glorified bodyshaper and it’s somehow detracting from the shape of her body; another is that it is such a beautiful theory that doesn’t have any good science supporting it, so to speak; and a third is that it makes Charlize Theron look kind of… silly. Dior, HOW are you making a tall, elegant lady look SILLY? AND YET.
Especially when you see her next to her date:
I just think the whole nakedness of it all makes him look even creepier and her look like she’s trying to be his bit of stuff, when in fact she is so much more accomplished than that. Why is she trying this hard? Why is that not a gorgeous lined dress? Or failing that, a lampshade at an upscale funeral home? Would that make her legs a non-stockinged FRAGILE lamp of Christmas Story fame? Why is Seth MacFarlane? Oh, the philosophy of a Friday.
[Photos: Getty, WENN]
This is all so deliciously dramatic to me.
Something about her looks like she’s planning shenanigans, either at an opulent uptown funeral or at the wedding of a friend to a man she does not approve of OR is in love with, which is causing her to stomp around all night making arch remarks while cocking an eyebrow, then eventually will lead to her making a spectacle of herself during the toasts, at which point she will grab the nearest, youngest cater-waiter and perform a tango that will fog up every damn spoon in the reception hall, at which point they will break into the bridal suite and have such an energetic romp that they work up a sweat the likes of which this run-on sentence couldn’t ever dream even if I let it develop into a word-marathon.