New York Fugshion Week: Marchesa Spring/Summer 2013, With Special Guests Kimye Kandashian


“SHH EVERYBODY BE QUIET. WE’RE AT A MARCHESA SHOW. WHY-AT? I CAN’T TELL YOU THAT, BUT I WON’T LIE-AT: IF WE FIND A WEDDING DRESS HERE Y’ALL WILL RIOT, AND HOT DAMN WHY DON’T MORE WORDS RHYME WITH QUIET? I AM GOING TO ASK TYRA TO MAKE ONE UP.”

[PHOTOS: GETTY, PACIFIC COAST NEWS]

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Comments (84):

  1. Lion
    0

    These dresses are really bad!

  2. Jer
    0

    You did such an amazing job playing Kanye that the mixture of awful dresses and the believable tone was too much to handle. I could only make it to the 6th slide.

  3. Margaret
    0

    OMG, you are just TOO funny! Loved all these rhymes!

  4. Jules
    0

    That…is a lot of Kanye to read….I mean, to skim. But I like some of the dresses!

    • Lupe
      0

      Took the words right out of my mouth on both counts!

      • Kat
        0

        Yes, I was very tired by the end, like I’d just been yelling at myself for 5 minutes straight.

        There are definitely some typically wacky dress, but #13 and #18 were absolutely gorgeous. Totally blew me away.

  5. Carolina Girl
    0

    On the minus side: What is wrong with Georgina Chapman?? I cannot believe that Marchesa is still “a thing”.
    On the plus side: I have absolutely no need to follow Kanye on Twitter when I can just read the posts here. I wonder if he knows how dead on these are.

    • Shiitake
      0

      I’ve often wondered if Marchesa gives away the dresses to the red carpet walkers…

  6. Lisa Roden
    0

    If I could give out an award, it would be called The Snarky. And I would give it to you for this. The raps were particularly sublim…..uh, dope. That being said, did Kanye design Kim’s silly string stole? it looks like it was harvested from komondor puppies. Creepy. (Word.)

  7. ali
    0

    #18 is dead gorgeous.

    What’s the appropriate venue/occasion for the fancy pedal pushers and matching tops?

  8. Art Eclectic
    0

    I unabashedly love all three dresses in #14. #10 left me wondering if comes complete with matching tassel pasties and g-string with fringe.

  9. Eli
    0

    I love you guys, but not enough to read that many pages of something written in ALL CAPS. Heh.

    • Jay
      0

      I totally agree. I stopped reading and just looked at the pictures after the 3rd slide.

      • Heather
        0

        Okay! Well, I tried.

        • Kit
          0

          Totally disagree for the record. 28 pages was just enough. :)

        • Gail
          0

          I loved it. It’s kind of like “The Odyssey” of Chapman or something. Great work making fun of Kimye and Marchesa at once. They are made for each other.

        • lilywise
          0

          Oh, I have to disagree! This was the most brilliant, most hilarious thing I might have ever read, not just on this site, but ever. Epic. Marchesa commentary as voiced by Kanye??? I DIE. I am in awe. I loved every single one.

        • Tia Chocolate
          0

          I am so disagreeing with the negative comments…that was some great stuff! I read them ALL before I even really paid attention to the dress, then went back through the slide one more time…and laughed. each. time. Heather…YOU ROCK!

        • bdaiss
          0

          Yup. You rock Kanye as always. The Kanye CAPS are way better than those frocks.

        • Tara
          0

          I disagree as well…I love your Kanye writing. Although I did find myself yell talking in my head. IN A GOOD WAY.

        • LibraryChick
          0

          I’d much rather imagine Kanye’s voice than the voice of the other party in that relationship. I think my favorite was the “orange” rhyming effort.

        • Leah
          0

          Heather, it was all genius!

  10. Gigi
    0

    Heather you are so unvelievably creative and funny, although I kept waiting for a little jab at lonely Stacy Keibler watching the wedding dress designer show next to these two buffoons while possibly being contractually cut off from any Clooney nuptials. I know, hard to kick a nice girl when she may (or may not) be down.

  11. cookie
    0

    That was a BIT too much Kanye to read…I can’t handle 28 slides of him!

  12. Sandra
    0

    #26 may well be The Perfect FugStorm.

    Crop top: Check
    Formal shorts: Check
    Sheer leg curtains: Check

    The only way it could be worse would be if it had lace insert in the top and only one sleeve.

  13. Beth Mirza
    0

    Hot damb. New favorite curse word. Thanks!

  14. Katty McNiley Ripley
    0

    Chanel did India first, and better!

    I think Marchesa should take a break and step away from all the tulle and sparkles… If they were on Project Runway Michael kors would tell them that they did the same thing over, and over again… Which is true (only in this collection is set on India!)

  15. Amy
    0

    Ohhhhhhhhhh Heather, I think I just died from laughing too hard. This was the best Kanye post of ALL TIME/ this blog. Top form today!

  16. Suzanna
    0

    #8 was a scroll down fug. And some mentioned tassel pasties for #10, and I had the same thought. And hot damb! YOU CRACK ME UP!

  17. Suzanna
    0

    PS: Katty, you are right about the Indian influence, but they did it soooo wrong!

  18. hillary l.
    0

    This collection is so derivative! It’s as if her whole purpose was to give Michaele Salahi something to wear next time she crashes a state dinner. And yes, if this line were on Project Runway, she’d be taken to task. I want to see Nina Garcia turn to Georgina and say, “I’d like to see YOU wear that!”

    Ugh. It makes me stabby. That said, I don’t hate 18 and 28. I want to see SJP wear 28 with a fascinator.

  19. pantsonfire
    0

    I think maybe I don’t have great taste in high fashion, because I thought at least a couple of those were good or very easily salvageable. I legit really liked #4 and while the execution of #6 was kind of comical, I think there was something there–I really liked the idea of that fabric with the gold border. There are a handful of other dresses that had some beautiful material. It just seems like she can’t stop at making a pretty dress–she has to keep glue-gunning and throwing glitter and tulle at it, until the beautiful fabric is overshadowed or the good idea gets buried.

  20. Erika
    0

    Crop. Top. Wedding dress?!?!!

    Also, this is possibly the best Kanye post ever.

  21. moe
    0

    Am I the only one who thought “Wonder Woman Formal Wear” for #24? Which is a collection I’d like to see, btw.

  22. Kit
    0

    I’m only on slide 3 and I’m already dying…

    “WELL, THIS IS AN OKAY START, BUT IT’S LIKE WEARING A GIANT RUG AND I KNOW BUGS FIND THEM SNUG BUT THAT’S A LOT OF SHIT TO LUG AND IT WILL HIDE HER LADY-JUGS, AND DAMN, THAT IS A BIG HOLE”

    “”Y’ALL, THAT TOP LOOKS STABBY. I CAN’T GET WITH A DRESS THAT’S GOING TO SCRATCH ME IN MY SEXY.”"

    Sweet jesus! That there’s comedy gold. Okay – on to the rest!

  23. Stefanie
    0

    “KIM, BABY, YOU DON’T NEED A DRESS THAT LOOKS LIKE WE RUINED IT BY HONORING OUR TRUE LOVE IN THE BACK OF A LIMO. YOU NEED A DRESS THAT W CAN ACTUALLY RUIN BY HONORING OUR TRUE LOVE IN THE BACK OF A LIMO.”

    This is the best post in GFY history and Im only on slide 3.

  24. Kit
    0

    Also – the whole riff on Blake and the green dude was awesome.

    To get to the clothes, this was not as bad as I thought it was going to be given that it’s Marchesa and all – and I actually like those sex and the city dresses.

  25. Rebekah
    0

    Man, I hope Kanye attends more fashion shows.

  26. Hermione
    0

    I think I pulled a muscle laughing, and my jaw hurts. I hope you’re happy, Heather.

  27. Sandye
    0

    “HEY HAS ANYONE SEEN MY PIER 1 IMPORTS LINENS? AW, HELL, HARVEY, I SAID, ‘I REALLY DIG BLADE RUNNER,’ NOT, ‘GEORGINA CAN MAKE SHIT OUT OF MY TABLE RUNNER.’ YOU NEVER LISTEN, MAN”
    I thought my office mate was going to have to give me CPR. This post was over the top funny. Thanks!

    • Sonya
      0

      That was my favorite one as well. The shamwow dreadlocks was a very close second.

      • Brooke
        0

        “Shamwow Dreadlocks” totally made my day. Unrelated, if any of those dresses were actually attractive, I couldn’t appreciate them after my retinas were singed by cropped workout pants with bedazzled tunics as formal/bridal wear.

  28. Stefanie
    0

    Okay, I made it through the entire post and it was just as good as I expected it to be.

    The first half was cracked out, as to be expected. But I actually sort of like the sari inspired dresses. The colored ones were pretty but that teal colored one was STUNNING. The one after that (slide 20) was good too. But for me, the winner was the crop top for wedding number 1. It would make my life if she actually wore that or something similar.

    Final thought: Kim’s shrug looks like she skinned a Komondor. Not cool Kim. We don’t skin dogs and wear their dreads around our shoulders.

    • Kyasarin
      0

      You’re totally right about that poor Komondor. How could she? ITA with you about the dresses, too. Some of them were gorgeous, especially that teal one. But it would totally make my life if Kim actually wore the “Wedding #1″ dress.

  29. Jilly
    0

    Question: Did Kanye really wear a Texas Tuxedo to Fashion Week? Yikes.

    Some of these are really pretty. Which means they’ll be ignored by starlets in favor of the naked dresses and sparkly leggings.

  30. Danna
    0

    “I LOVE A GIRL IN SHAM-WOW DREADLOCKS.” Bwaahahahaha

  31. Miriam
    0

    Each funnier than the next! You may have topped yourself with the car wash description- Kudos! But is there a photo of Tyra’s toasted meringue? Please!

  32. A.J.
    0

    Loved your Kayne! Er, sorry, LOVED YOUR KAYNE!

  33. Edith
    0

    KIMYE + MARCHESA = GFY post for the ages….

    Though I kind of love the dress for Wedding 12….

    • Edith
      0

      and I could TOTALLY imagine Kim jogging in the outfit on Slide 9, which was one of the ugliest things I’ve ever seen. I thought maybe I was being too hard on her, and then I saw what she actually chose to wear, and now it seems INEVITABLE that she’ll wear #9 out sometime.

  34. fritanga
    0

    Ah, the official seal of down-marketness – Kim Kardashian in the front row. I’ll bet Tyra wishes she hadn’t accepted the invitation.

  35. Pouncer
    0

    “HOWEVER THIS IS STUPID” could apply to all of these. Why, god? Why?

  36. Marte
    0

    I bow down to your genius, Heather. I barely even remembered to look at the clothes in between reading your commentary.

    Oh, some of them were sort of nice.

  37. Lia
    0

    Oh god, slide nr 4 dress will haunt me forever. It’s just sooooooo pretty that I had to squeal like a tween girl.

  38. TonyG
    0

    Wow…I like a lot of these dresses. Some major misses (slides 2, 9, 12 and 22, 25, 26), but overall, I enjoyed these.

  39. Erin
    0

    I haaaaaaaaaate the Virgin ad – it keeps messing up my browser.

  40. Amber
    0

    Heather, seriously, do you needa nap after these Kanye posts?? It’s got to take just as much, if not more, energy to come up with bad Kanye poetry than it does to come up with actual good poetry! That said, keep doing what you gotta do because your Kanye is hilarious (and spot on, I think!)
    The dresses were…um. Some of the colors were very pretty. And some of them COULD have been great, but needed a lot less going on. Which, I think, is the whole point of Marchesa.

  41. kathotdog
    0

    Thirty-Fourange!
    Why is Kanye dressed as a prisoner circa Shawshank Redemption?

  42. crookedE
    0

    This post is absolute genius.

  43. JanetP
    0

    I will love you forever if you live blog their wedding in Kanye’s voice.

  44. Kelsey
    0

    I wish Jessica Stam would get a job that is NOT modeling.

  45. Sue
    0

    SHAM-WOW DREADLOCKS. Best thing I have ever read on this site. LOVED IT ALL HEATHER.

  46. Jessica
    0

    Cherub rug reference for the win!

  47. Katie
    0

    THIS WAS THE BEST YOU ARE BETTER THAN KANYE AT BEING KANYE AND HE IS THE BEST AT ALL THINGS

    • Katie
      0

      HOW IS ANYONE EVEN COMPLAINING ABOUT THIS

      Y’ALL DON’T DESERVE TO TOUCH THE HEM OF GFY’S CHERUB RUG

      • cebec
        0

        Katie, I concur… er, I mean, IMMA LET YOU FINISH, BUT KATIE’S COMMENT IS ONE OF THE BEST COMMENTS OF ALL TIME.

  48. Chasmosaur
    0

    Listen, it’s not Marchesa if there aren’t some pieces that make you stabby.

    But every once in a while, they do manage something I would really like in my closet (there was a cool ballgown in that collection last year of horrifying lace and sheerness).

    Some of these are cracked out, but there are some that were actually, dare I say it, pretty. Maybe they listened to all the criticism over there.

  49. Guerra
    0

    I think this way a way better collection the normal, there was some beautiful dresses in there!

  50. Guerra
    0

    Poor heather :( we have small attention spans now

  51. Sajorina
    0

    GFY Heather, you’re a GENIUS!!! Loved this post! I actually LOVE dresses #19 & #20, but that’s about it!

  52. Ann from Canada
    0

    I don’t normally keep an eye on these two, so I get my schooling on this aspect of the human condition from the Fug Girls. Thank you, keep it up. I loved it, I read all of it.

  53. G
    0

    What did they do to the models’ eyes so they all look like they’re dead? It looks like some bright white on the corner of the upper lid nearest the nose. Whatever it is the effect is creepy.

    Some of the dresses are beautiful, though.

  54. unbounded
    0

    Totally agree with katie – you are the best at Kanye and that’s saying a lot since he’s pretty much the best at anything…

  55. Marjie
    0

    This is amazing Heather- you’ve earned your PhD in translating Kimnye to English (I have no power to grant you academic accolades, but if I did I would definately grant you that honor). I kind of want to print each page of this post out and make a little book that I can look at when I need a giggle. Can’t wait for the next installment, maybe they could be purchasing her trousseau (cause you know he is going to pick out all of her stuff for the honeymoon) :)

  56. Ghanimatrix
    0

    HA HA HA HA NO BUT SERIOUSLY this might be the best Kanye and Kim post you have ever done. I’m dyin’ here.

  57. cebec
    0

    Heather, your Kanye is BEYOND THE TRUEST – please don’t listen to those who lack the emotional and physical stamina to withstand a Marcheezy onslaught.

  58. fareye
    0

    These dresses are horrible. And I can see Kim in every single one of them.