Halle Berry: A Fugstory

You know who’s been conspicuously absent from the press events for New Year’s Eve, despite being in both the previews and the poster? Ms. Halle Berry. I can’t answer the question of where she’s been, or what she’s doing when she’s busy getting herself uninvited from whatever other Garry Marshall hodge-podge is next — Hump Day, maybe — but perhaps that ¬†last thing in and of itself IS the answer. Instead, let’s look at where she’s been and what she’s been doing in the last, oh, 12 or 13 years. There are some BAD SHOES, y’all. Or at least boring ones. Join me.

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Comments (39):

  1. AmandaD

    You know how Cate Blanchett played Bob Dylan in I’m Not There? Halle needs to play Prince based on that brocade suit. I want that to happen.
    Also, she’s one of the very few women that I think looks so much better with the pixie cut. Long hair just makes her merely pretty, rather than absolutely gorgeous.

  2. Jessica

    Yeah, she should ALWAYS have that short hair. It is perfect on her.

  3. Lindy

    She’s so darn beautiful, BUT she is so erratic in her style of dressing, missing the mark more often than not.

  4. Anne B

    Only someone as pretty as Halle Berry could have pulled off that many formal babydoll nighties.

    Halle, I’ll love you forever: In 2012, PLEASE start dressing that fine investment of yours better than this. <3

  5. Beth

    It’s so sad that I know this. That clutch was Helena Bonham Carter, and I WANT IT!

  6. Geeves

    Oh my god, I HATE her style!! She dresses like a broke Real Housewife even though I’m sure most of those outfits cost more than my rent. She has the same tacky taste now as she did in 2000. In fact, that last dress is one of the worst. She’s pushing middle age, she needs to GET IT TOGETHER!!

  7. street chandeliers

    I think she looked better with longer hair

  8. Megan

    My god she is beautiful, that body (boobs) is amazing and her skin – wow!. The clothes are mostly horrible

  9. Sajorina

    I just experienced a rollercoaster of emotions going through that slideshow… Dresses #1 & #22 are my absolute favorites! But, she looks so HOT and GORGEOUS in Pics #25, #30, #36 & #40 that she made me forget for a moment that I’m heterosexual! OMG!!!

  10. Katie

    On anyone else there might be a lot of stand-out fug in this collection, but that gorgeous face saves her from full-on fug, every single time. How can you ever really look bad when you look like THAT?

  11. Cristina

    She is a beautiful woman with bad taste. Shame.

  12. Ilena R
    • Anne B

      I think that dress sums up perfectly the reason why, in life, all boom times must end.

  13. Mahastee

    It’s unfair. That face, those boobs, that waist, the legs, all the rest of it… Physically, she has no visible flaws, and so she manages to get away with things that others cannot – I think we have all seen one or other wannabe failing to impress in a try-hard tribute to THAT Oscars dress.

    A lot of these would be sickeningly bad on anybody else – on her they are merely ho-hum fug. Thanks Ilena R, for reminding us that the 2000 VMA outfit was intensely bad.

  14. amys

    I love the blue church mosaic tribute dress. Too much eggnog?

  15. ccm800

    I don’t think I would calla single outfit downright FUG. some are def better than others NO doubt but she looks pretty slamming in all of them.

  16. Debbi

    SAME WOMAN IN THE BACKGROUND — photo 7 and photo 15. She has bad shoes, too.

    • Squirrel!

      And photo 13! I noticed her, too. She must be/have been one of Halle’s wranglers.

  17. lilimarlen

    There already is a movie called Hump Day actually! It’s an independent film and quite good.

  18. TaraMisu

    Most of these she carries off amazingly….. I really think her gorgeous face and awesome bod lets her get away with things mere mortals could not.


  19. Cold Cup of Fug

    So much shiny fabrics in every shade of gold. It’ll be interesting to see how she dresses as she gets older. It would be nice to see her in some structured dresses, less of the lycra and lace and more colour.

  20. Karen

    See? This entire slideshow is a rebuff to the notion of Jessica Biel as Sexiest Woman Alive or, really, Sexy Woman. In all those Biel shots, I found myself focusing on how dreadful the outfits were, because the woman in them is soooo BLAND.

    But here, no matter how heinous the outfit, all I can think is, “DAMN, Halle Berry is one of the most beautiful women in the history of the planet.” In a way, it doesn’t matter what she wears (although you’d love a jewel like that to have an appropriate setting), because you’re mostly looking at HER. For Biel, the outfits are crucial because it’s virtually all she’s got going for her.

  21. NotGFYJess

    Karen – Totally, completely agree!

  22. TonyG

    Thanks for the retrospective. Really enjoyed this. My favorite line: “And we’re back in Lingerie City, this time with a bonus highway straight to the town square.”

  23. Montréalaise

    Halle Berry is one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen, with a perfect face and body. So why do I get the impression that she often tries too hard to impress us with her looks and her sexiness. I mean, EVERY single thing she wears – at any time of day – is either low-cut or slit up to there or reveals too much skin or is very tight – or all of the above, all at once.

  24. vandalfan

    Absolutely the most beautiful woman in the world. She can wear just about anything and make it look good, even the link, because she wears everything with panache.

  25. lori

    I used to adore her. Sadly, I read an interview in which she said her looks never got her anything, and ever since then, I have wanted to punch her in her smug but beautiful face (that TOTALLY got her lots of things).

  26. yeahandalso

    She is beautiful, but I can never fully forgive her for Catwoman

  27. amazed

    25 and 23 are the same shoes!!!!

  28. Carolina Girl

    The thing that keeps me from totally hating on Halle Berry’s incredible perfection of face and form is something that Steve Harvey said … “For every beautiful woman you see, somewhere there’s a man who’s sick and tired of her s**t””.
    I know, it’s childish, but it makes me feel better.

  29. olaf78

    WHat I noticed was how reasonable the height of the shoes was prior to about 2007 – what happened? I’d like to buy a pair of shoes, which the wearing of will not give me arthiritis in ten years!
    Is this the wrong blog for this? Apology pancakes for all.

    • Julie

      I was going to make exactly the same comment! The heels look reasonable rather than vertiginous.

  30. DressedWell

    She may not always have the best style, but she is so pretty!!

  31. ChaChaHeels

    Well, she likes her fabrics to be adorned. And she can definitely pull off outfits that no one else would dare wear, just because she’s so beautiful. She definitely makes the dress, even if that dress is a glittery, lacy, desperately aging see-through potato sack with a designer label.

    That said, it would make me so happy for her if she could just pick a good script on occasion.

  32. Squirrel!

    Her face, figure, hair, complexion are stunning. And she rocks a metallic! But even Halle was not a good candidate for bangs.

  33. Sandra

    I would like to order a case of the blood of whatever species she’s drinking because she is freaking amazingly beautiful.

    And she’s only ONE motherf’ing year younger than me!! I NEVER, EVER, looked anything remotely near that good.

  34. Mukel

    Just to comfort you all: while she indeed is blessed with excellent fortune and uncanny genes, she also has to work out 3 hours a day to keep herself looking like that. I read it in Vogue so it must be true :)

    She looks totally fabulous and good for her–I could never put that much work into it!

  35. Chaser

    Snore. Couldn’t even get half way.

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