Fuguary Jones


This is beaded, slightly retro, a color… I was prepared to go where it wanted to take me.

And then I saw that the road signs said “Hmmville” so I opened the car door and rolled out and down a nearby embankment and then walked to the nearest gas station. (For a Diet Coke, obviously — I couldn’t call Jessica to pick me up without proper fortification.) Because, is it just me, or does this look weird on her? I can’t exactly put into words the problem, but I look at it, I want to like it, and I can’t. It’s just not… it’s just not. It is awry. Strange things are afoot at the Circle J.

Also:

This feels like a very half-assed pink dye job, to the point where I keep expecting to read a story on the Interwebs that claims her child squirted her with puree and she decided to turn it into a tribute. I’m not saying hot pink streaks or some other follicular rainbow would have been awesome, but I’ll say this for the likes of Kelly Osbourne: At least she commits.

[Photos: Getty]

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Comments (92):

  1. Jill
    0

    I think it’s just that the black tights are too harsh with the light blue. If she had gone with bare legs or light gray/silver tights with cute boots, we could have been in business. The dress could be a bit more fitted in the waist but I think it’s cool.

  2. Shannon
    0

    I like the dress, but not with black tights. Since it’s spring I think she could have gotten away with bare legs and some cute, strappy shoes. Her hair looks a little disheveled too, which I could look past if it weren’t for the pink streaks.

  3. pem
    0

    I was sure – SURE, I tell you – that there would be Hamm after the jump. The pink hair is a massive disappointment for that reason alone.

    • Anne B
      0

      I THOUGHT SO TOO.

      Shouldn’t take us to Hmmmville if you’re not planning a stop in Hammville first, you know.

      • Bubba
        0

        YES! I was certain there would be Hamm after the jump, and like Anne B thought perhaps Hmmmmville was a clue for Hammmmville.

  4. Big Noise
    0

    The dress in concept is fine, but the overall color palette washes her out. If it were a jewel tone (green, dark red, even the blue of that ugly coffee-filter mullet dress she wore a couple of years ago) and her make-up were different (read: a little color on the lip), then I’d be on board.

    And the tights — burn them! You can barely see the shoes (but they look clunky).

  5. Wordphreak
    0

    She is so bland, she couldn’t be blander. Always puts me to sleepppppppppppppppppppp

  6. Sal
    0

    Kinda reminds me of the pink streak Rachel McAdams had for a little while. But she rocked the hell out of it.

    • Sal
      0

      I’m looking back at pictures- I was wrong, I take that back.

      • Willow
        0

        LOL!

        But to be fair, IMO Rachel’s hair, even with the pink streaks, looked really pretty when she was on the Elle cover, a testament to good styling

  7. Anne B
    0

    Here’s my issue.

    I am so excited to see Mad Men again, literally white-knuckling it through the last remaining hours of Life Without Don Draper, that the mere sight of January Jones makes me happy.

    I simply can not care about what she’s wearing, what she’s done with her hair, whether she’s smiling or is wearing shoes at the ends of her tar-black legs. I do not have it in me. I’m so excited to see her (and she’s Betty Draper! The worst mother in the history of television!!), I find myself liking all of this.

    I’d be this way about any Mad Men cast member, mind you. But I don’t mind that flash of pink, honestly.

    John Slattery, you nut, let’s see you do a pink streak next. <3

  8. Carol
    0

    This whole thing is just meh. Well, actually the dress is meh, the hair is kinda awful.

  9. Michelle
    0

    I concur. I think the first problem is the shoes – the black tights with the clunky black booties/shoes (?) completely clash with the detailing and delicate nature of the dress. It’s like: interest and then blackblackblack. I think those tights are the wrong texture, but she could have gotten away with them if her shoes didn’t just meld in with the rest of it.
    But getting rid of the tights altogether and picking a better shoe wouldn’t hurt either.

  10. Stefanie
    0

    It’s short, shapeless and appears to be quite sack-ish. I’m fine with the color but the beading is making it read “Mature” to me – in a Rose Nylund kinda way. (But of course it would be a fancy going out sweater over a long flowy skirt. OF course!)

    Then again, I cant stand her or her smug face (or her dumb kool-aid streaks) so I may not be the best person to judge.

    • Karen
      0

      “Sack-like” was the adjective that sprang to my mind as well. And the color is so blah. And the tights are so BAD. Who on earth wears opaque black tights with baby blue? What is WRONG with these women?

  11. PinkieBling
    0

    Something about her face isn’t right, either. The eyes, and for SURE the mouth. Bad lipstick, and in the first photo, at least, it looks like she got it all over her teeth. Weird.

  12. JJB
    0

    Black tights. It’s like Mummenschanz under there.

  13. Lynn
    0

    I was at this event last night, and though I am almost never on the JJ train, I will say that her make-up looked much better in person, even when splashed up on the giant screen on stage. These photos really seem to wash her out. That said, I groaned when I saw the black tights, and they still look wrong with that dress today.

  14. TaraMisu
    0

    Oh the dress is so cute! The black tights are too heavy looking though…. and her hair is just…. no.

  15. Shiitake
    0

    Would bare legs and a cute sandal be too much to ask for?

    Re hair: January dear, you’re not in high school.

  16. vandalfan
    0

    I like heavy stockings and fun, chunky shoes with the right winter outfit, a jacket or sweater over another shirt and maybe plaid or tweed with black in it. I wish these stockings were dark but sheer.

    With the color and sleeves and cut and studs, she’s an S & M Nurse Christine Chapel from the original Star Trek, whose unrequited love for Spock always made me sad.

    • Margaret
      0

      Oh vandalfan, just when I think I can’t love you any more, you come up with the sadness of Nurse Chapel’s unrequited love. Yes.

  17. Ann
    0

    It either needs to be more fitted, or more ‘shifty’/floaty. It just looks like she raided grandma’s closet and took the hem up. Also sleeves don’t fit well. A tad too long. A little thing like that makes the dress just look sloppy.

  18. Jo
    0

    Bad tights, bad lipstick.

  19. Andrea Karim
    0

    The smile is throwing me off. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her smile before.

  20. Sajorina
    0

    I love the dress! It’s BEAUTIFUL, but the tights and ghost shoes ruin it! And, pink on your blonde hair? You’re not Avril Lavigne, January!

  21. CJ
    0

    The dress is pretty, but it looks like she raided Zooey D’s closet.

  22. Sweetsinger
    0

    Summer frock with BLACK TIGHTS?
    EEK.

  23. Candy
    0

    Is this maybe the hair “chalking” the kids are doing these days?

  24. Sandra
    0

    If you’re gonna wear a sister-wives neckline and sleeves, you should make sure the rest of it has some shape. I’m usually the first to say “put some damn clothes on!”, but this is kinda dowdy. The tights and shoes are particularly unfortunate given the black floor. They are ugly in their own right and blending into the floor adds to the stumpification.

  25. yeahandalso
    0

    I think the design on the dress is causing the optical illusion that she’s pregnant. I know her kids is only like 6 months, but she’s been seen out and about post-baby and I don’t think it is baby weight, I think it’s just the weird circular pattern on her stomach.

  26. Regina
    0

    Waist not tight enough…. Black tights = bad.

  27. swellcat
    0

    Well, I just read my Glamour magazine for this month and tell me that pink streaks or “rose gold” is all the rage. Sorry, I don’t like it and don’t think everyone can pull it off. Unfortunately, she got famous for being Betty Draper and she was put into that mold of the prim and proper housewife (except for those years when she was sexifying it up, which I never believed) I actually like the dress and the tights but hate the hair.

  28. cc
    0

    She’s too covered up, she’s literally covered head to toe in fabric. Without the tights it’d be better I think. So agreeing with everyone else on the tights lol.

  29. Jaybee
    0

    I’m pretty sure the part that’s throwing us off is that she’s smiling. Also the lack of feet is distracting.

  30. Katie Starfish
    0

    I can put it into words. Blacky-black tights and invisible feet.

  31. anny
    0

    Angie Dickinson, 1971. Except Angie would’ve worn pantyhose* and white shoes.

    *which in my 1971 only came in flesh tones

    • Margaret
      0

      Oh, now that you mention it I’m definitely seeing the Angie Dickinson. In some Suntan L’Eggs.

  32. liz
    0

    she’s a nut, right?

  33. JanieS
    0

    It looks like a Bedazzled old-school Starfleet uniform.

  34. Domino
    0

    sister-wives neckline! ha. yes, I agree, this one is mental

  35. Kelly
    0

    Maybe she’s prepping for the Phyllis Diller bio?

    • Laucie
      0

      Perfect ! But even in late-middle age, Phyllis wore short sleeves nude hosiery. (Plus crazy, crazy booties !)

  36. Susan
    0

    The dark tigghts look too heavy and dark for the baby blue dress. That in my opinion is why it looks wrong.

  37. SKGD
    +1

    Black tights are evil!! Who ever thought of them??? Seriously they are one of those fashion fads that in a few years people will look back and wonder why they ever wore them or thought they looked good. I have to say they are top of the list of my pet fashion peeves (followed closely by ‘accidental’ nip slips). This dress might be a little awkward looking, the fit perhaps?, but the tights just kill any hope of it getting a passing grade. The outfit isn’t even fugly, that implies some character at least, with those tights it’s just plain ugly. Did I mention I truly hate black tights?!

    • Heather
      +1

      I agree – HATE thick black tights, always have. They make me sweat just to look at them.

  38. Caroleena Stantonova
    0

    A modern-day version of Angie Dickinson, if you will. Only, this female doesn’t possess the same clothing style as Angie…it’s MEH.

    • ML
      0

      OK, I swear I didn’t see your comment until after I entered mine about the Angie Dickinson but not really angle happening.

      Great minds, Caroleena…

  39. Bambi Anne Dear
    0

    God I am so not a fan of black tights unless the look is autumn/winter.

  40. MG
    0

    I’m not a JJ fan, but I really like this dress. I agree with the other comments, though, and wish she’d left the black tights at home and chose better shoes. I also think she should have a bolder lip color. She looks washed out with all of the pale colors.

  41. Liz Noonan
    0

    I thought it was Mischa Barton when I first glanced at it based on both hair and half-arsed (sorry, i’m Australian) effort to pull the look together. not that I particularly like JJ…

  42. Jessica
    0

    The dress actually looked really pretty on the runway! Click the link, scroll down and see for yourself!
    I’m pretty certain it’s Jenny Packham – you’d think Jenny Packham and January Jones would be the perfect combination but apparently not…I guess the styling was just a bit off :(

  43. Jessica
    0
  44. Cristián Pavez Díaz
    0

    Her shoes are hardly noticible. Too much beading. I almost had a seizure!
    Greetings from Santiago, Chile.

    http://carethewear.wordpress.com
    @cristianpavezd on Twitter.

  45. djh
    0

    i was also there last night and have to say this is much better in person. also – it was a wee bitty chilly in the theater – the tights were a smart choice. AND, since there was a panel discussion after, with no tables in front of the cast, the tights were really a smart choice. also – the beading is pyramid studs. it is sort of dowdy from afar but awesome in close-up. you need a close-up. finally – hamm is a stud. totally off-topic, i know. but had to say it.

  46. Andriana
    0

    I love the dress, but it looks like it’s a dress without legs, or otherwise. I guess another colour of thights would have done better.

  47. Mahastee
    0

    Endora has made Samantha’s feet disappear until she promises to leave Darrin for good.

  48. ML
    0

    There’s something about her hair and the perfect-teeth smile to the side that’s giving her a vaguely old school Angie Dickinsonesque look here, just without the actual old school Angie Dickinsonesqueness that gave old school Angie Dickinson *her* Angie Dickinsonesqueness.

    Burt Bacharach’s single again, right?

  49. ML
    0

    … and how did I miss EVERY “Angie Dickinson” comment above mine? By failing to pre-read. :-(

    Lesson learned. Heading to the GFY Time Out Corner for punishment by helping Scott Disick de-lube his hair. (sigh)

  50. Heather
    0

    In high school my friend Gina dyed her bangs and a streak pink, and it faded really quickly. This is what it looked like after about 2-3 weeks. I guess January was messing around with the Manic Panic? Maybe to entertain her kid?

  51. CJ
    0

    Black tights just don’t work well with pastels. If it was so chilly she needed to wear tights, then she should have had a backup dress that works with black tights. With a nude leg and, say, a metallic strappy shoe, I think this might have worked.

  52. Lina
    0

    Okay, so the print is kind of dowdy and the pastel to black contrast is way too heavy, but she rocks the baby blue and she looks so happy! If the tights were navy, I could get past how the dress looks like my great aunt’s sofa. Srsly. Because the mod look suits her and I like the idea here a lot. It’s just the black doesn’t work.

  53. Sheri C
    0

    Agree with everyone on the tights and hair, but my question is: How do you sit down on those pyramid studs? Ouch!

  54. prttynpnk
    0

    Is this the Michelle Williams effect?

  55. a
    0

    I don’t usually feel compelled to make any sort of comment on what’s wrong with an outfit, as I am fashion illiterate. But this time, I can see clearly that this dress would work much better with a scoop neck. I don’t even mind the tights, and if she’s wearing shoes, I didn’t notice. But the neckline is just wrong.

  56. Daffodil
    0

    I don’t like it when January Jones wears anything with even a whiff of retro to it. We all know her as Betty Draper, and the costumes on that show — especially hers — are shining examples of retro. But when she wears a retro-tinged sack dress with heavy tights and pink hair, it looks like she stumbled out of her trailer halfway through costume/hair/makeup on the Mad Men set. It looks like you’re seeing the sausage get made. If she wants to be Betty Draper, she better amp it up; if she wants to be January Jones, she better dress like it’s 2012.

  57. Erin
    0

    Love the first comments about bare legs with bright orange shoes! Would be so fab.

    She looks gorg though – I want that lipstick shade.

  58. Eurydice
    0

    I don’t know, if you’re going to wear a sack, wear a SACK. And the black tights don’t help because you can’t see how the dress is proportioned in relation to her legs. I think it should be taken in a little in the sides and something more decisive should be happening at the neck – I hate those little bands around the throat – they tend to make women look like bobbleheads. I don’t mind the pink streaks in her hari, but the rest looks like she’s growing out some unfortunate layers.

  59. Evalyn
    0

    It’s vintage Angie Dickensen right down to the pale pink smile.

  60. mary lou bethune
    0

    forget her- where’s Hamm?

  61. Sarah Y.
    0

    The color of the dress with her makeup makes her look so washed out; maybe a brighter lipstick would help? Agree that the black tights don’t work. Also, I think this would be better sleeveless. I love the color and the detail, but you’re right, it’s just NOT.

  62. catnaps
    0

    You know what, I think the problem for me is that I’d prefer to see (WITH the tights!) on a brunette.

  63. Lily1214
    0

    The black tights throw everything off. It’s out of balance, or something.