I confess that I kind of have no idea what’s happening on Revenge at the moment. Um, people are double-crossing people? In the first two episodes back from the break:

Victoria Grayson paid to have Suspected Murderer Daniel beat up in prison so he could be held under house arrest, so he comes home and stands around and breathes through his mouth while staring at his ankle-monitoring unit until he gets wasted and races over to Emily’s in a jealous rage and gets sent BACK to Rikers, because he is an idiot. She also begins an affair a random British artist From Her Past who does things like throw his drinks at his unfinished, Victoria-centric paintings and hand people roses in the midst of their baroque love-making and sell forged paintings and threaten to break Conrad’s face, before leaving town. She also: threatens a witness, arranges a car-jacking, and (in order to get Declan to corroborate Charlotte’s testimony, which points the finger at Jack and away from Daniel…or something) suggests Charlotte nail this idea into him with her vagina –a plan which is thwarted by Nolan, whose addiction to layering is raging more of out control than Charlotte’s Oxy addiction. Declan doesn’t go for it and he testifies that Charlotte is a raging drug addict, and her judgement is therefore questionable. Which is totally true, given that she DOES nail her ex-bf/drug-dealer in exchange for pills after threatening/bribing the family maid. The apple doesn’t fall far from Victoria’s tree.

Emily skulks around as usual, and also does things like pretending wearing a long wig makes her unrecognizable, and beating up the dude who beat up Daniel in the joint (he’s also the yahoo who kicked the shit out of Jack, which I totally forgot even happened until she whispered, “this is for Jack” before commencing shit-kicking). She then makes a copy of the thug’s car keys and then robs Jack (because Jack is SO DUMB that he decided to keep the  blood-covered clothes he was wearing the night of the murder CRYOGENICALLY SEALED in a bag in his CLOSET HAVE YOU NEVER SEEN LAW AND ORDER? Because I am pretty sure they get NBC in the Hamptons) and then frames the thug for the murder, getting Daniel AND Jack off the hook. (I like Emily Vancamp a lot, but I still don’t know that I think she’s believable as  THAT much of a mastermind. She’s Amanda Clarke, not Amanda Woodward.) This somehow leads to the Graysons calling in a favor at Rikers, where someone helpfully murders The Thug and forges a suicide note CONFESSING to the murder. Bonus points for the fact that Emily’s got a bug on the Grayson phone, so she hears this call, and extra bonus points for Conrad Grayson being dumb enough to MENTION ON THE CALL — an unsecured line! — that he also had Emily’s dad murdered in the joint. REVENGE!

Let’s look at outfits worn by the dumb and the plotty.