Fug Mueller

Normally, I might balk a little at putting Charlie Sheen’s only tangentially famous (and allegedly wacko) ex up here, but a concerned Fug National issued an All Points Fuggetin and it’s important to spread the word:

Suspect is thought to be infected with a dangerous strain of pantalunacy in which said trousers are layered over tights and then ritualistically de-crotched with a penknife. If spotted in the wild, subject should be reminded that if tights were pants, they would be CALLED pants, and that if pants were legwarmers they would be called legwarmers, and that the word “pubic” and “public” are not, in fact, the same. Then go drink a beer and try to forget. This concludes today’s A.P.F. Be safe out there, Fug Nation.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

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Comments (33):

  1. Anita

    These are your pants.
    These are your pants on drugs.
    Any questions?

    • Sajorina

      Now, where are Rachel Leigh Cook & the skillet to whack them to death?

      • mary lou bethune

        Where oh where are the poor children of that criminal match? Far away, I hope.

  2. Jane

    OMG WHAT NO I CAN”T EVEN. Those legging-pants-riding-chaps are of the devil and must be thrown in Mount Doom immediately so they cannot work their evil on the world.

  3. Katie

    “if tights were pants, they would be CALLED pants, and that if pants were legwarmers they would be called legwarmers, and that the word “pubic” and “public” are not, in fact, the same”

    I’m having this printed on business cards to hand out in the fall.

  4. Kris M

    PANTALUNACY. Love it!

  5. The Reset

    this is why the word “crazeballs” was invented.

  6. Christine

    Am I the only one that on first glance thought that they were in fact her overly tanned, impossibly wrinkly legs? Forgive me for being slightly relieved that they are only reverse cut-offs.

  7. Anna Svahn

    What the what? Really? Please.

  8. Hel

    I don’t know what that thing is but I know it shouldn’t exist.

  9. Val C

    And what is going on with her head?!?! Misguided attempt at Neo-primitive or Mod-boho or just cracked hippie… and are they sharing accessories? So many questions, not enough answers.

    • Molly

      I know! I spent more time looking at that than the alleged pants. Although, they must be hot and sweaty.

  10. Shoeniverse

    I literally stopped and stared at my screen with a very concerned look upon my face… ker-azy.


  11. Sajorina

    “All Points Fuggetin”… Ahahahahahaha!!! Those things on her legs are not the only problem! Did she move to the Arizona desert and is now calling herself Moonbeam Cowhide Mueller? The whole outfit is ATROCIOUS! The Marlboro Man next to her looks pretty good for a cowboy, though!

  12. giggleswick

    I cannot even imagine how hot her legs must be. Sweaty sausages. Ugh. Like Ross and the leather pants.

  13. vandalfan

    Her head ornament is rather Eyes of Zeye. At least she seems to be wearing a decent bra.

    • Kris

      Vandalfan – do you read the Luann comics then??? :)

      This photo is almost (and might actually be) NSFW. The darkness in the ooey, gooey center… I can’t look away… My eyes! My eyes!!!

      • PegMN

        Kris, she does appear to be sweating in her nether-regions. Thanks for pointing it out. I can’t un-see it now.

      • vandalfan

        Oh, yeah. Poor Tiffany. I mean, Sheraton St. Louis.

  14. Sarie

    I don’t…. What? How is this happening? How do they stay up? Weird.

  15. Chicklet

    I’ve actually caught some kind of lurgy through my computer monitor and need to have a lie-down. Send Lucozade.

    (Disclaimer: My knowledge of UK over-the-counter medications is gleaned solely from the Adrian Mole Diaries, so. You know. I probably got it wrong.)

  16. WearingMyCrankyPants

    At “ritualistically de-crotched with a penknife” I spewed a mouthful of diet Coke all over my keyboard and monitor.

    Tsk, tsk. Drinking while reading an All Points Fuggetin– such an amateur mistake. I don’t know what I was thinking.

  17. alannaofdoom

    There is no emoticon that can accurately convey the expression on my face right now.

  18. Susan

    OMG!!! YOU did it again I just about lost it on the pantalunacy remark. I love your comentaries and don’t know what I would do without them. Thanks for the extra hardy laughter I enjoyed today. You girls are such a hoot. PLEASE DON”T EVER CHANGE!!!!!!!

  19. anny

    A garment like this makes me think those anti-animal-product people might be onto something.

  20. Art Eclectic

    An excellent opening volley by Ms. Mueller, an upstart making her first bid for the Fug Madness team here in 2013. There is hope everywhere tonight that she might provide some fresh talent in a field grown stale with “been there, fugged that.” What this team really needs is to have its apple cart upset and we are thinking Ms. Mueller might just be the one to do it.

    Up next: Olympic Accessorizing. Back to you, Ryan.

  21. Michele

    Jaron must really love her to be seen out with her while she is dressed like that.

    • Lee

      Even Lowenstein can’t look at her, he’s holding her hand but not allowing his eyes to stray upward!!!!

  22. Mahastee

    I don’t really know who this is (probably because I avoid stories surrounding The Unclean Mr Sheen) but everything about this post makes me cackle! Those pants are hilarious, and AWFUL.

  23. Jules

    Please silence those lambs.

  24. ML

    For this, the back seat covering of a ’74 Cadillac Eldorado sacrificed itself?