(6) LINDSAY LOHAN vs. (10) LENA DUNHAM
First of all, may I remind you that these woman are the same age? Lena has her professional shit together; Lilo has a job on Anger Management solely because Charlie Sheen has been trying to save her. When CHARLIE SHEEN looks at you and is all, “girl, you are SCREWED UP,” you know things have gone awry. (For what it’s worth, I think Charlie sees a lot of himself in Lindsay and therefore is the only person in Hollywood who still wants to help her. I think he has a lot of empathy for her without having the wherewithal to realize that she doesn’t want to help herself. That being said, the only reason Charlie Sheen himself had a career for so long is because even when he was insanely cracked up, he showed up to work on time and did his job, which Lindz hasn’t done since she was a pre-teen.) Lena needs a new stylist who will say things like, “I think we need to get a tailor in here to make some tweaks to that bodice,” or “let’s try something more structured.” Lindsay needs a time machine to redo all her choices of the last ten years. I don’t know which will emerge victorious from this battle, but I do know which one I’d rather be stuck with in a stalled elevator.