Fugger: Zooey Deschanel
And speaking of, we have pictures and a wardrobe Q&A from our Sleepy Hollow set visit coming for you on Monday and Tuesday of next week. And no, they’re not sponsored, nor paid for; we just went because it sounded fun and we figured some of you would want to read all about people’s coats. Fug Nation loves a coat.
Mostly, I’m putting this up to a vote because it feels like it might be polarizing. It is not my cup of tea, but maybe my democratic impulse is a result of Kelly Osbourne’s face exploding in her eagerness to laud this.
I think if the skirt were navy, and also possibly a more straightforward fabric without any sparkles in it, the shoes and the shirt would stand out more with their elegant specialness. It needs a kick of visual interest. As it is, it all manages to run together and yet ALSO look, to me, like she threw on a fancy tee over an already-complete ballet-princess gown,. She nailed the makeup, though, which is a tougher landing to stick these days than it should be. Maybe THAT is what’s ALSO making me merciful.
Now the scuttlebutt is over the fact that they’ve chosen to make Mindy Kaling’s cover black and white, and closely cropped. (She says she loves it, and she might. But let’s get real: NO ACTRESS is going to come out and say, “yeah, man. Elle really f’ed that up, right?” They are always going to politely claim to love their cover.) But the truth is that this scandal is distracting us all from the fact that Amy Poehler looks drunk on hers, and the other two aren’t very good either.
I really do not like this. At all. Let us count the ways.
1. Why are all the cover lines encroaching on her face, when there’s all that empty space at the bottom? Can’t we just scoot everything down a wee and let her breathe?
2. Was there an actual printing error? This cover looks like the person who laid it out was hammered. Why is the plus sign all the way over to the left, like it’s cut off?
3. And why is that stupid plus sign so much bigger than “I Escaped Life With 64 Sister Wives”? That should be bigger. THAT IS A LOT OF SISTER WIVES.
4. Why does Zooey Deschanel have Kristen Stewart’s facial expression?
5. That angle and that glare aren’t doing her loveliness justice at ALL, and they don’t really make me want to hang out with her for the duration of a magazine article.
6. Seriously, she doesn’t have to be cheery all the time, but I don’t think “Surly Zooey Deschanel” is tops on the list of things people want to see in the world.
7. Nor is Hunchback Zooey Deschanel, and yet here she is, too.
8. The Hunchback of Notre Deschanel does have a nice ring about it, though. THAT article, I might have paid to read.
[Photo: Marie Claire]