Fugger: Zooey Deschanel

Golden Globes Fug or Fab: Zooey Deschanel


Mostly, I’m putting this up to a vote because it feels like it might be polarizing. It is not my cup of tea, but maybe my democratic impulse is a result of Kelly Osbourne’s face exploding in her eagerness to laud this.

I think if the skirt were navy, and also possibly a more straightforward fabric without any sparkles in it, the shoes and the shirt would stand out more with their elegant specialness. It needs a kick of visual interest. As it is, it all manages to run together and yet ALSO look, to me, like she threw on a fancy tee over an already-complete ballet-princess gown,. She nailed the makeup, though, which is a tougher landing to stick these days than it should be. Maybe THAT is what’s ALSO making me merciful.

Vote before I become cruel and outright fug it:

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[Photo: Getty]

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Fugs or Fabs The Cover: Elle’s Women in TV


Another Elle cover, another controversy. Remember when everyone — including us — was yapping about how Melissa McCarthy was the only actress on their Women in Film cover wrapped in an enormous coat? Now the scuttlebutt is over the fact that they’ve chosen to make Mindy Kaling’s cover black and white, and closely cropped. (She says she loves it, and she might. But let’s get real: NO ACTRESS is going to come out and say, “yeah, man. Elle really f’ed that up, right?” They are always going to politely claim to love their cover.) But the truth is that this scandal is distracting us all from the fact that Amy Poehler looks drunk on hers, and the other two aren’t very good either.

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Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: The Sisters Deschanel


Well, we can all give a cheers to Zooey Deschanel not showing up at the Emmys looking like she just rolled off the cover of Entertainment Tweekly.

But, even though that ice blue is fabulous with her eyes, I think she pushed herself too far the other way. This is a bit stiff and matronly. The wearer of this dress should be some fabulously jaded, cynical fifty-something former trophy wife who makes one of her son-in-law’s groomsman check her stockings for runs, wink-wink, and then makes a man out of him in the coatroom.

Emily didn’t fare so well either:

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Fug the Cover: Zooey Deschanel on Marie Claire


I really do not like this. At all. Let us count the ways.

1. Why are all the cover lines encroaching on her face, when there’s all that empty space at the bottom? Can’t we just scoot everything down a wee and let her breathe?

2. Was there an actual printing error? This cover looks like the person who laid it out was hammered. Why is the plus sign all the way over to the left, like it’s cut off?

3. And why is that stupid plus sign so much bigger than “I Escaped Life With 64 Sister Wives”? That should be bigger. THAT IS A LOT OF SISTER WIVES.

4. Why does Zooey Deschanel have Kristen Stewart’s facial expression?

5. That angle and that glare aren’t doing her loveliness justice at ALL, and they don’t really make me want to hang out with her for the duration of a magazine article.

6. Seriously, she doesn’t have to be cheery all the time, but I don’t think “Surly Zooey Deschanel” is tops on the list of things people want to see in the world.

7. Nor is Hunchback Zooey Deschanel, and yet here she is, too.

8. The Hunchback of Notre Deschanel does have a nice ring about it, though. THAT article, I might have paid to read.

[Photo: Marie Claire]

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Fugs and Fabs: The FOX TCA Party


This happened Thursday night, but that doesn’t mean you don’t want to look at Zooey Deschanel and Diane Kruger, right? RIGHT? (PS: I’m starting to get scared that maybe the TCAs will never end. Do any of the reporters need us to bring them snacks?)

[Photos: Getty]

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Fugs and Fabs: The FOX Upfronts


We need to talk about the FOX shows. Well, I haven’t watched the comedy clips yet, but the dramas… I can’t tell if they’re a steaming pile of awful or secretly so hate-watchably amazing that it becomes love-watching. Almost Human stars Karl Urban and Michael Ealy and LILI TAYLOR WHY ARE YOU THERE, and here is my run-on sentence summary: It’s set in a world where cops have cyborg partners, but Karl doesn’t care for this, see, because he’s been asleep for two years (?) and doesn’t have anyone around him like Ironside does to shout things like “DAMMIT, MAN, WE HAVE PROCEDURES TO BE FOLLOWED,” so he crankily throws his cyborg out of the car and it gets run over by a semi and then a “defective” old-model detective is assigned to him, and it’s Ealy, and he says things like “I WAS MADE TO FEEL,” and a grudging-respect is born and also probably some conspiracy hooey. Urban looks like he’s phoning it in so hard and so long that his roaming charges will be astronomical. Cramazing.

And yada-yada Greg Kinnear in Rake as a ne’er-do-well (not a gardening tool, though the latter might inspire Emmy voters more) is zzzzzz, AND THEN. Sleepy Hollow has to be seen to be believed. It’s like Thor (Olde-Tymey Ichabod Crane comes back to life in modern America; makes wry comments about how many Starbucks we have and whether the black cops have all been emancipated, because slavery jokes are a treasure) meets National Treasure: Book of Horsemen (“THE ANSWERS ARE IN WASHINGTON’S BIBLE, ICHABOD! ICHABOOOOOOD!!!!!”) and even includes a moment when the cops shout “PUT YOUR HANDS ON YOUR HEAD… oh, wait” and ends with the slogan “Heads. Will. Roll.” As Stefon would say, “It. Has. Everything.” As I would say, “It. Is. Hilarrible.” I’m virtually certain I will watch. Then again, I said that when The Cape‘s hilarrible promo came out a few years ago, and I only made it through an episode and a half.

[Photos: Getty]

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