Fugger: Tyra Banks

Fugs and Fabs of the CW, CBS And Showtime TCA Party: The Women

As much as it pains me to say it: a lot of people looked surprisingly good at this event. And it’s always fun to look back at these TCA parties six months later, because some of the newbies will have become well and truly familiar, and some of the other newbies will still be as anonymous as they are right now. No pressure, actors!

[Photos: Getty]



Fug or Fab: Tyra Banks

So, apparently Tyra threw a party about celebrating the awesomeness of your flaws, called — wait for it; I’m sure you can’t POSSIBLY imagine where this is going — the Flawsome Ball. Except whenever I say it out loud, like to the empty room and such, it sounds like “The Flossing Ball,” which is a whole other ball of waxed. HA. SEE WHAT I DID THERE? Waxed, like floss? Oh, you guys, it has been A Week. My brain is running on demi-fumes left behind by the fumes with which I’m normally working.

Anyway, perhaps Tyra saw this flawsome flossin’ thing coming…

… because this is definitely a loving homage to dental tape. The thing is, I actually might really LIKE it, and not just because flossing has been so good for my gums (do you hear me, kids?). It’s like a gown version of Pink’s infamous strategically taped bodysuit, but with zero percent chance of visible cameltoe. It’s also got a dash of the Seuss about it, and looks like something that would be growing in Willy Wonka’s candy garden right next to the molten chocolate river, near the whipped-cream toadstools. It makes me smile, and for a party where you’re basically out to cheer up teenagers, it’s the right level of exuberance. I don’t know; I was charmed, even if the hair is a little odd. But I fully recognize that I might be alone on that island, and if that’s true, please could somebody send me some SPF?

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[Photo: Getty]


Tyraly Played, Tyra

Apparently I should’ve watched GMA today, because Miss Tyra was so animated she was practically a cartoon. There is never a dull moment with Ty Ty Baby, and I say that with love.

[Photos: Splash]


Amusingly Played, Tyra Banks

Most of this is not amusing — it’s, in fact, completely fine. Miss Tyra looks smashing.

Sometimes Tyra wears crazy stuff, and then sometimes she turns it out so hard in something so simple, and you remember why she was a supermodel. Or, is a supermodel. Does one ever stop being a supermodel, once one has earned it? Must you actively be modeling? Is it like with presidents, where you keep calling them Mr. President even if they’re no longer in office? Such are the intricacies of supermodeling.

I suspect my digression hasn’t stopped you from wondering about her feet, though. So let’s do the close-up:

fierceness afoot


Well Played, Tyra Banks, At Least From The Neck Down

Damn, Tyra. Sanity looks good on you.

I mean, the hair looks like you just went surfing, and if I pull on your earrings a butler might appear to take my coat and offer me a spritzer. But beyond that, La Banks looks better than she has in a while — it’s kinda romantic, rather than wackadoo. Which makes sense, since she was on a date. Speaking of…

enter the boyfriend




I was going to say that I thought we already DID the Year of the Jumpsuit, and then I realized that a) this might not technically be a jumpsuit and b) you also wore one last time we saw you, so it’s clearly Year of the Jumpsuit 2: Jumpsuit’s Revenge. And that c) let’s be honest, I can’t wait to read your YA novel (which I just noticed that Amazon is packing with ours as a special deal, which…is awesome), as well as d) I appreciate that your outfit is the exact same color scheme as my beloved giant Caboodle circa 1989, in which I stored such important items as metallic peach Wet N Wild lip gloss, aqua-colored mascara, and a purloined copy of Hollywood Wives, from which I learned many disturbing facts about life. Ergo: please carry on in good health.


Teen Choice Awards Fug Carpet: Tyra Banks

So, my early prediction is this: There will be a photo shoot on this fall’s America’s Next Top Model All “Stars” Edition that very conveniently dovetails with the publication of Tyra’s young adult novel, Modelland (the excerpt of which reads like the His Dark Materials books if they sniffed glue and had an orgy with Gossip Girl and The Hunger Games). In fact, it may already be going on:

Not long before wearing this, TyTy showed up on GMA wearing a “smize” (smile with your eyes) over her eye — or at least, that’s what we’re told it was, and that makes sense to us, because it paradoxically makes so LITTLE sense (how can one wear an eye-smile OVER one’s eye?). And then she lubed up and poured herself into this jumpsuit that makes her boobs look like they have a very angry blonde unibrow. With, if I’m not mistaken, matching polish on all twenty of her nails. This bodes BRILLIANTLY for this season of ANTM – remember the cycle on which she wore only jumpsuits? –  but frightens me outside the inane confines of the judging room. And I suspect I’m not the only one: