So, apparently Tyra threw a party about celebrating the awesomeness of your flaws, called — wait for it; I’m sure you can’t POSSIBLY imagine where this is going — the Flawsome Ball. Except whenever I say it out loud, like to the empty room and such, it sounds like “The Flossing Ball,” which is a whole other ball of waxed. HA. SEE WHAT I DID THERE? Waxed, like floss? Oh, you guys, it has been A Week. My brain is running on demi-fumes left behind by the fumes with which I’m normally working.
Anyway, perhaps Tyra saw this flawsome flossin’ thing coming…
… because this is definitely a loving homage to dental tape. The thing is, I actually might really LIKE it, and not just because flossing has been so good for my gums (do you hear me, kids?). It’s like a gown version of Pink’s infamous strategically taped bodysuit, but with zero percent chance of visible cameltoe. It’s also got a dash of the Seuss about it, and looks like something that would be growing in Willy Wonka’s candy garden right next to the molten chocolate river, near the whipped-cream toadstools. It makes me smile, and for a party where you’re basically out to cheer up teenagers, it’s the right level of exuberance. I don’t know; I was charmed, even if the hair is a little odd. But I fully recognize that I might be alone on that island, and if that’s true, please could somebody send me some SPF?
MS TYRA BANKS:
I was going to say that I thought we already DID the Year of the Jumpsuit, and then I realized that a) this might not technically be a jumpsuit and b) you also wore one last time we saw you, so it’s clearly Year of the Jumpsuit 2: Jumpsuit’s Revenge. And that c) let’s be honest, I can’t wait to read your YA novel (which I just noticed that Amazon is packing with ours as a special deal, which…is awesome), as well as d) I appreciate that your outfit is the exact same color scheme as my beloved giant Caboodle circa 1989, in which I stored such important items as metallic peach Wet N Wild lip gloss, aqua-colored mascara, and a purloined copy of Hollywood Wives, from which I learned many disturbing facts about life. Ergo: please carry on in good health.