Fugger: Tyra Banks

Tyraly Played, Tyra

Apparently I should’ve watched GMA today, because Miss Tyra was so animated she was practically a cartoon. There is never a dull moment with Ty Ty Baby, and I say that with love.

[Photos: Splash]


Amusingly Played, Tyra Banks

Most of this is not amusing — it’s, in fact, completely fine. Miss Tyra looks smashing.

Sometimes Tyra wears crazy stuff, and then sometimes she turns it out so hard in something so simple, and you remember why she was a supermodel. Or, is a supermodel. Does one ever stop being a supermodel, once one has earned it? Must you actively be modeling? Is it like with presidents, where you keep calling them Mr. President even if they’re no longer in office? Such are the intricacies of supermodeling.

I suspect my digression hasn’t stopped you from wondering about her feet, though. So let’s do the close-up:

fierceness afoot


Well Played, Tyra Banks, At Least From The Neck Down

Damn, Tyra. Sanity looks good on you.

I mean, the hair looks like you just went surfing, and if I pull on your earrings a butler might appear to take my coat and offer me a spritzer. But beyond that, La Banks looks better than she has in a while — it’s kinda romantic, rather than wackadoo. Which makes sense, since she was on a date. Speaking of…

enter the boyfriend




I was going to say that I thought we already DID the Year of the Jumpsuit, and then I realized that a) this might not technically be a jumpsuit and b) you also wore one last time we saw you, so it’s clearly Year of the Jumpsuit 2: Jumpsuit’s Revenge. And that c) let’s be honest, I can’t wait to read your YA novel (which I just noticed that Amazon is packing with ours as a special deal, which…is awesome), as well as d) I appreciate that your outfit is the exact same color scheme as my beloved giant Caboodle circa 1989, in which I stored such important items as metallic peach Wet N Wild lip gloss, aqua-colored mascara, and a purloined copy of Hollywood Wives, from which I learned many disturbing facts about life. Ergo: please carry on in good health.


Teen Choice Awards Fug Carpet: Tyra Banks

So, my early prediction is this: There will be a photo shoot on this fall’s America’s Next Top Model All “Stars” Edition that very conveniently dovetails with the publication of Tyra’s young adult novel, Modelland (the excerpt of which reads like the His Dark Materials books if they sniffed glue and had an orgy with Gossip Girl and The Hunger Games). In fact, it may already be going on:

Not long before wearing this, TyTy showed up on GMA wearing a “smize” (smile with your eyes) over her eye — or at least, that’s what we’re told it was, and that makes sense to us, because it paradoxically makes so LITTLE sense (how can one wear an eye-smile OVER one’s eye?). And then she lubed up and poured herself into this jumpsuit that makes her boobs look like they have a very angry blonde unibrow. With, if I’m not mistaken, matching polish on all twenty of her nails. This bodes BRILLIANTLY for this season of ANTM – remember the cycle on which she wore only jumpsuits? –  but frightens me outside the inane confines of the judging room. And I suspect I’m not the only one:



America’s Next…I Don’t Even Know

I know at least one of you watched this happen on GMA this morning:

And can therefore explain to me why TyTy Baby is dressed like the cast of Newsies mashed up with Xanadu. All I know is, if this is her schtick for the next cycle of ANTM, I am EVEN MORE IN than usual.