I think I speak for all of us when I say this is…
No, you’re not mistaken. Rihanna IS dressed as the progeny of a Kardashian and a baseball.
Someone on Twitter — and if it was you, PLEASE tell me so I can give credit where it is due — noted that RiRi here looks very much like she’s in costume as Margo Tenenbaum:
That’s my favorite GOOP character, too! Finally, Rihanna and I have something in common.
[Photo: Miu Miu]
Is it wrong that when I saw this, my first thought was, “I TOTALLY want to wear this when I’m a crazy old lady?”
Please be kind enough not to remind me that I’m nearly already. Thank you.
There are a lot of things I really like about this cover: The comparatively spartan text, which lets the image push through and allows it to have depth. The illusion that she’s walking on water, or rising out of it. The colors. I feel like, if I were to reach out and graze it with my fingers, the sequins would tickle my skin.
But the one constant about Rihanna even in a storm of sartorial madness — even atop a pink cotton-candy cloud, or a totally naked dress — has been her face. Her stunning, stunning face. And this cover somehow takes away from that.
I know that I have tendencies to joke about how my Barbie owned whatever crazy XYZ a celeb is modeling, but I AM NOT KIDDING when I tell you that this entire get-up is very similar to what my Western Barbie wore when she rode her horse Dallas off a cliff. (My Barbies led a VERY dramatic life.) (Also, that Barbie could wink, as you see in the ad, and my doll’s eyelid had a habit of getting stuck so she looked kinda drunk a lot of the time. Maybe that’s why she ended up over the cliff and in the ravine.) Seriously:
If you turned to me and confessed that, actually, Rihanna is an immortal time-traveler, and this is proof that she was a top model in 1981, I would TOTALLY believe you.