Fugger: Rihanna

Fug or Fab: Rihanna in Gucci

Is it wrong that when I saw this, my first thought was, “I TOTALLY want to wear this when I’m a crazy old lady?”

Rihanna Steps Out In NYC

Please be kind enough not to remind me that I’m nearly already. Thank you.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]


Fug or Fab Cover: Rihanna on Vogue, April 2016

There are a lot of things I really like about this cover: The comparatively spartan text, which lets the image push through and allows it to have depth. The illusion that she’s walking on water, or rising out of it. The colors. I feel like, if I were to reach out and graze it with my fingers, the sequins would tickle my skin.

But the one constant about Rihanna even in a storm of sartorial madness — even atop a pink cotton-candy cloud, or a totally naked dress — has been her face. Her stunning, stunning face. And this cover somehow takes away from that.

[Photos: Vogue]


Fug or Fab the Cover: Rihanna on Vogue UK, April 2016

I know that I have tendencies to joke about how my Barbie owned whatever crazy XYZ a celeb is modeling, but I AM NOT KIDDING when I tell you that this entire get-up is very similar to what my Western Barbie wore when she rode her horse Dallas off a cliff. (My Barbies led a VERY dramatic life.) (Also, that Barbie could wink, as you see in the ad, and my doll’s eyelid had a habit of getting stuck so she looked kinda drunk a lot of the time. Maybe that’s why she ended up over the cliff and in the ravine.) Seriously:

Rihanna UK Vogue April 2016

If you turned to me and confessed that, actually, Rihanna is an immortal time-traveler, and this is proof that she was a top model in 1981, I would TOTALLY believe you.


What the Fug: Rihanna’s “Denim Desserts” for Manolo Blahnik

This collaboration is, simply put, bananas. The detailing is allegedly inspired by Rihanna’s hand tattoos, and the prices START at $895, and top out at $3995. Yes, nearly four-thousand dollars for a pair of shoes bedazzled to look like someone’s hand.


Fug or Hmm: Rihanna in Armani Prive at the BRIT Awards

That cut is doing optically, epically weird things to her body.

[Photo: Getty]


Grammys Weekend Fug or Fab: Rihanna in Marc Jacobs

So, Rihanna was meant to perform at the Grammys, but canceled an hour before the show (and as of this writing, I still don’t even know what they did to fill that hole; I joked to Jessica they should just cut back to Hamilton and have them do one more). She supposedly had bronchitis, though she performed a few days earlier at the tribute to Lionel Richie — and yet, she DID fly to New York in between for her Fenty x Puma launch, which could make anyone sick. The whole thing is just intriguing, especially if those people who say she nailed it at rehearsal are being honest. I wish someone would be like, “Dude, she sounded like cold oatmeal, she HAD TO CANCEL.”

Anyway, here is at least what she wore before The Plague got her.

[Photos: Getty]


Fug Better Have My Money: Rihanna in Dior

I should create a macro on my computer for the words “such a pretty face,” because I ALWAYS think that about Rihanna, who has been doing stunning minimalist makeup work on her glorious cranial DNA whilst shoehorning the rest of her assets into … things that give me questions. Like so:

Rihanna Clara Lionel Foundation

That thing is both Champagne colored and like a badly poured glass of it: bubbling right up out of the glass and over the side, fizzing sloppily, a pricey waste.

[Photo: Getty]