Fugger: Dakota Johnson

Casual Fuggerday: The Dior Front Row

In which Lorde is everyone who’s ever been cold.

[Photos: Fame/Flynet]


Oscars Well Played: Dakota Johnson in Saint Laurent

For those who’ve been impatient with Dakota leaving her hair down on all the red carpets, this may please you:

dakota johnson oscars 2015 academy awards

The entire ensemble pleases me. It’s very Naomi Watts to me, actually — really sexy but really simple, with the confidence of knowing its little touches are just enough. And while I doubt she actually wants people to FORGET about Fifty Shades, given the glowing reviews for her performance in it, the gown also underlines that she’s more than just an eight-hundred-sexual-trick pony. In other words, she certainly ought to be a bona fide movie star, and the Oscars are a good place to dress like one.

[Photo: Getty]


SNL40 Fug or Fab: Dakota Johnson in Sonia Rykiel

Point one in Dakota’s favor is that I think her hair looks a little shinier and bouncier than on the various Fifty Shades red carpets.

dakota johnson snl40

Point two is that I never fail to stop and stare at sparkles. I actually think this is fun and perfectly befitting of a 25-year old who just had her big Movie Star moment, and got all the good reviews, and can exhale that she’s coming out of this thing with her trajectory still on the rise. I’m just struggling with whether she should have exhaled in something even about two inches longer. Or with slightly sexier nighttime styling. SOMETHING. It’s got a lot of nice elements, but it’s not quite an all-star.

This dress is fifty shades of...

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[Photo: Splash]


Fug the Cover: Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan on Glamour March 2015

All jokes and rumors aside, I don’t necessarily get the vibe that these two dislike each other. I DO get the vibe that they are like old war buddies who can’t see each other without having flashbacks to grisly things they never want to experience again. (The movie also apparently required reshoots of many of these sex scenes that probably were awkward enough to do the first go-round.) Which, I mean, it’s not like the source material was a mystery when they both signed on for the project, but I also sympathize, because it happens all the time that something you think will be no big deal turns out to be HORRIBLE.

Anyway, as such, the chemistry in photos is not merely absent, but in fact hanging out with Punxsutawney Phil and giving thanks for six more weeks of winter. His face in EVERY PHOTO bespeaks the inner anguish of the damned.

[Photos: Glamour]


Unconvincingly Played: Dakota Johnson in Saint Laurent

So far Dakota Johnson is two-for-two on vast expanses of sternum at the Fifty Shades of Grey premieres.

dakota johnson fifty shades of grey london premiere

I’m glad she at least spiced this up with some dramatic lipstick, because frankly, this all seems really half-assed again. It’s more overtly sexy than yesterday’s Dior, but it’s also renovating my face with a sledgehammer that says “angel/devil” on it. And for all that, she still seems unenthused. This dress needs glamour — romantic hair, killer accessories — and instead it’s getting Hmm I Think I Can Ride This Blowout For One More Day Without Washing, Right? There is more glamour in my sock drawer.

What do you think, Jamie?

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Feh or Fab: Dakota Johnson in Dior

I definitely don’t outright dislike this.

dakota johnson fifty shades of grey berlin

But, that’s mostly because there’s not much here to work me up, either into a froth of glee or a foaming rage. Now, I FULLY understand not wanting to go full vamp at the Fifty Shades of Grey premiere, given that everyone who goes in to see the movie will be watching you have complicated sex for two hours. But I do wish, given how laughable some are expecting this movie to be, that she’d gone really dreamy and elegant, rather than this serviceable buttoned sheath that’s basically One Single Shade of Milquetoast.

What are YOUR feelings?

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[Photo: Getty]