Fugger: Dakota Johnson

Fugs and Fabs: CFDA Fashion Fund Event

In case you woke up this morning and thought, “I want to see some major celebs in major outfits waiting at the valet,” I have got you covered.

[Photos: AKM/GSI]


Fugs and Fehs: Everyone Else at Chanel

I mean, Kristen Stewart didn’t so much STEAL the thunder as flagrantly take it without paying and then slap everyone in the face with it. But there’s still plenty to ogle, beginning with Mr. Leto, because that’s the way he’d like it.

[Photos: Splash]


Fugs and Fabs: Everyone Else at the Veuve Clicquot Polo Classic

There were a LOT of women at this event who are wearing a version of that great white lace dress Kate wore in Australia (which is apparently available at the end of the month,if you’re in need of one). And also a lot of cute wedges and sunglasses.

[Photos: Getty]


Met Gala Well Played: Dakota Johnson in Jason Wu

Much like Kate Mara before her, Dakota is benefiting from my general excitement that this is something resembling anything.

I’m neutral on what her hair is doing — I think I’d have done a bun, maybe even sans bangs — but the lip is pretty, and the gown, disco-elegant. Would navy gloves have been too matchy? Because black feels a bit tacked-on, but I love the gloves in GENERAL — I think they are, actually, a fast way to beef up the glam factor of just about anything, and I may start applying that to my t-shirts and jeans. It’s going to be epic.

[Photo: Getty]


Fug the Cover: Dakota Johnson on Elle

If you want your cover to look like Hayden Panettiere in a dark wig, then just use Hayden Panettiere in a dark wig. We know she’ll do it.

[Photos: Elle]


Fug the Cover: Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan on Entertainment Weekly

I have thoughts. So many thoughts. So many, many thoughts:

1) I am unfamiliar with Jamie Dornan but he’s hot, and because I think this movie is going to be a total shitshow disaster, I feel bad for him.  By the time this thing comes out, people are going to be well over 50 Shades and onto something new, because I feel like 50 Shades is the kind of thing that burns brightly and then burns OUT, because the reasons it’s popular have nothing to do with actual quality and more to do with some weird zeitgeist thing that, for some reason, made everyone decide they really needed a little light bondage in their lives, ideally from a love interest who made the heroine sign a 7-page contract about their sex life. (I’m not making that up; I can’t believe I need to clarify this, but paperwork is rarely sexy, people.) He also already looks like he regrets this. Very, “Wait, you want me to do WHAT with this tie? Shit, I thought Charlie Hunnam was just kidding.” GET OUT NOW, DUDE.

2) Please don’t get me started on a book that involves an interior monologue which says things like, “My inner goddess is doing the merengue with some salsa moves.” I literally have second-hand embarrassment for the English language just reading that.

3) I love Dakota Johnson. She was so charming and good in the underrated Ben & Kate and I am pretty sure she just signed up for the Exit to Eden of our generation.

4) The good news is, this cover shot makes her look like a greasy Alexis Bledel, so maybe she can just DISAVOW entirely. Forever. Although Alexis Bledel might not appreciate that much.