Author Archives: Heather

Fugdigger: Kim Kardashian in Balmain


“OMG.”

“TELL ME, KIMOTHY: WHAT’S WRONG WITH THEE? YOU DIDN’T LET ME SEE THAT THICK MONSTROSITY ‘TIL THEY’D BILLED IT TO ME FOR AN ENRAGING FEE. OR WAS IT FREE? IT HAD BETTER BE. BUT AT THE FIRST OPPORTUNITY I’M GONNA THROW IT IN A TREE OR MAIL IT TO PAWNEE SO IT CAN VOTE ABSENTEE IN THE BALLOT OF WHOOPEE VS. TEE HEE. ‘CAUSE NO CRYSTAL SNEEZE IS COMING HOME WITH ME. IT’S SIX-HUNDRED POUNDS OF EEEEE AND IT MAKES YOU LOOK CRAZY AND I’M A TALK ABOUT THIS IN HOUR NUMBER THREE OF OUR EVENTUAL THERAPY BECAUSE LIKE SOMETIMES I JUST REALLY DON’T KNOW WHERE YOUR HEAD IS AND I DON’T THINK WE’RE CONNECTING ON THE DOPEST PLANE.”

[PHOTO: FAME/FLYNET]

react:

Fug the Show: Lindsay on OWN, season 1, episode 6


The nut of this episode is about Lindsay being inconsiderate and blowing off Elle Indonesia, but the part I will cherish the most is the first chunk, in which it’s revealed that I believe Dina Lohan’s ghost writer hates her with the quiet fire of a thousand burning suns and might therefore be my soulmate.

First, though, the weirdest bit: A title card tells us that Lindsay has decided to film herself as part of the show. They cut back to the footage three times in the course of the hour, all clearly taken on the same night because she’s wearing this outfit in different iterations, and the stuff they show later makes me wonder what the true order of the footage would be. Are you tantalized yet? Spoiler: It involves wine. Which, if it were consumed, I would be willing to bet was before this piece. She clearly decided to do some kind of cracked-out acting exercise, because — as the camera jumpily zooms in, in, in, in, and then out, out, out, out, about three times, she goes from looking like a spleen-snacking serial murderer…

… to a crying goon:

So I guess… if any producers out there are looking to do some kind of tear-sodden cross between The Godfather and Candyman, Lindsay Lohan has just auditioned for it.

And now for the scene that might be my spirit animal.

Read More

react:

Well Played: Myleene Klass in Dennis Basso at the Olivier Awards


I’ve always liked Myleene Klass. We did something with her years ago and she was incredibly cool, so I was always sad that her hosting opportunity in the U.S. — I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here! — was on such a turd of a show.

Yeah, I’d say she rebounded from that just fine.

[Photo: WENN]

react:

Coachella Music Fugstival: First Weekend


Otherwise known as Free People Fashion Week, and starring such luminaries as Vanessa Hudgens, Beyonce, Solange, Lorde, Jared Leto, Kellan Lutz, Kate Bosworth, and the Jenner girls and the Willis girls in some truly hideous things.

Speaking of: This was the second Coachella photo I saw. And I tweeted it and said that I was fairly sure it would stand as the stupidest one of all. And then some people gave her some REALLY stiff competition.

Is it still the stupidest one of all?

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...

[Photos. Splash, Fame/Flynet, Pacific Coast News, WENN]

react:

MTV Movie Awards Fug or Fab: Chrissy Teigen in Ulyana Sergeenko


This outfit is weirding me out a little.

Not because it’s so bad, necessarily, although it would perhaps be more at home at someone’s sorority sister’s wedding (you know, you’re fresh out of college, and you think you can pick a bridesmaid dress that everyone will want to wear again, and you will be wrong); no, it’s more because she almost looks like she could be the fifteen-year old star of a Nickelodeon sitcom called, like, #Chrissy or something. A baby-pink poofy satin tweehouse isn’t exactly what I was expecting, and I think maybe she should’ve handed it down to an actual 15-year old for Prom and poured herself a cocktail and done some more shopping.

Your turn:

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...

[Photo: Getty]

react:

MTV Movie Awards Fug: Johnny Depp


I just feel like… can MTV stop acting like Johnny Depp is still some kind of foxy man-surprise?

For one thing, he shows up to EVERYTHING — I need both hands to count the number of times he’s been trotted out and these pseudo-hip things, and everyone nearly passes out — and for another, he might be wearing a hoodie, and the only vibe I ever get off him anymore is that he’s the star of Indiana Jones and the Trip To Old Navy.

[Photo: Getty]

react: