Author Archives: Heather

With apologies to those of you who actually mind that this has taken me so long: Our patience is rewarded by truly awful production decisions, Kelley being nuts, and Kingsley being stuck holding the douche bag.

A note: I know this is super lame, because “I” “Wanna” “Marry” “Harry” is not Downton Abbey, please don’t post details about coming episodes, or who wins, in the comments. I am assuming 95 percent of us did NOT bother looking up spoilers, including me, and so we might as well try and keep this sacred experience as pure as possible (I am recapping them one by one so I’m not tainted by foreknowledge). I KNOW. IT’S LAME OF ME to take this that seriously. But I can’t help it. I’m invested now.

And finally: I really am sorry this is so late; I had some other matters to attend to first, like sending a flock of evil birds after The Scourge of Our Time:

As Jess pointed out, all of these ladies should have Googled the names of all the EPs, because they could have divined that the man behind Man Hunters: Our Turkish Toyboys (“a look at single British women who travel to Turkey with the purpose of having sexual relationships with local Turkish men”) and Virgin School (“a shy 26-year-old man visits a school run for virgins to educate them in sexuality and all aspects of dating; will the training he receives allow him to ‘lose it’?”) MIGHT not actually have ANY SWAY AT ALL when it comes to the progeny of Her Maj. Also, it’s entirely possible he is British, because almost all the shows he’s worked on are UK productions — a factoid which, if true, I think near-totally absolves the U.S. of this monstrosity. We are rubber and the U.K. is glue, and yada yada yada maybe this will stick to them and not us. Not that I wish this plague upon the Mother Country either, but I will push the blame anywhere I can slide it, because I am so embarrassed by association.

This episode featured the worst creative I have ever seen, to the point where I’m wondering if something fell through and they had to patch it together in four hours. Even the girls can barely hide their disgust:

This face says, “I bled like two weeks of my youth into this show and I want that time back.”

And this face says, “This is what it sounds like when the doves cry.” Further, it is the exact face I made when I realized what this episode was going to be — which is important to note because I actually watched this at the gym while sitting on a bike, so if anyone around me was paying attention, they got a serious eyeful of the autumn of my disbelief.

Here is the theme:

badness ahoy