Author Archives: Heather

ACM Awards Well Played: Reese Witherspoon in David Koma

I love everything about this.

reese witherspoon ACMs 2015

I even, weirdly, love that she appears to be standing in front of a passed-out Spongebob Squarepants, who face planted backstage because he misjudged how dry it is here. What can I say? I’m a sucker for shimmer, good hair and shoes, and a bracelet, and not even a janky background can sully it.

[Photo: Getty]


ACM Awards Fug or Fine: Taylor Swift

People knock Taylor Swift for still acting surprised when she cleans up at these things, and this may not change that, given that she’s receiving a milestone awards and therefore totally knew it was coming.

taylor swift acms 2015

Then again, she her mother presented it to her, which is sniffly because of the recent cancer diagnosis (kick its ass, Mama Swift!), AND it’s possible she is legitimately shocked that anyone is still giving her trophies for country music. So I’ll let her have this one — and honestly, if she ever went up there and was like, “Yep, saw THIS coming. BORING,” people would crucify her even more. She can’t win for losing, in that sense. Much like Kate Middleton. She might be the Kate of the U.S. (sorry, Kim Kardashian; I know you have been gunning for that title).

Anyway: Let’s take a look at her dress. She didn’t walk the red carpet, so this is the best I could do:

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Fug the Show: Nashville recap, season 3, episode 18, ‘Nobody Knows But Me’

This episode felt a little perkier, thanks to the full-time return of Juliette, and the fact that lots of people who are NOT Juliette had actual adult conversations in mature ways — which is, as you know, my kryptonite.

But first, a beef:


Juliette has named her baby Cadence — whoever guessed “Harmony” in the comments last week was not far off, although I also don’t believe IN A MILLION YEARS that Juliette pulled that one out at the hospital. I sincerely doubt she’d be singing a lullaby with Avery and then think, “What wonderful cadence we have HEY WAIT BINGO.”

Anyway, Cadence is clearly fussy, and Juliette and Avery have been home for three weeks, and she’s starting to lose it. But Avery has band commitments — I guess Sadie Stone’s album was his only job, and now that she left to go have feelings on another TV show, he has to focus on The Triple (E)X(e)s. Juliette is bumming out, etc. But the part that really chaps my knee pits is: Hayden Panettiere and Jonathan Jackson take turns trying to soothe Cadence, and they do so by bouncing her up and down like you would not believe. BOTH of these people are parents in real life now; did NOBODY teach them not to do that? My mom volunteers in the mother and baby ward of her local hospital, and the nurse there begs new parents not to bounce their babies by cracking an egg into a mason jar and then jiggling it very lightly and saying, “See how that messes up the yolk? That is YOUR CHILD’S BRAIN PLEASE DON’T DO THAT EVER.” I’m sure it’s apt that nobody should be taking parenting tips from Juliette Barnes, but still.

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What the Fug (As Usual): Kim Kardashian, with an assist from Khloe

If this is how her shirt situation is going at the dawn of spring…

kim kardashian in paris

… then I’m developing some anxieties about what summer will bring.

Also, if you’ve ever wondered what a Kardashian would wear to the viewing of a memorial to victims of genocide against Armenians:

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Fug or Fine: Kim Kardashian

The sad thing is, this might not have been ALL bad if it had fit…

kim kardashian

… and if she had put ANY EFFORT INTO IT AT ALL beyond putting some serum in her hair and contouring the bejeezus out of her face. You cannot be your own best accessory when you walk around with the ocular glaze of a zombie. At LEAST add a bracelet.

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[Photo: Fame/Flynet]


Fug the Show: The Good Wife Power Suit Ranking, season 6, episode 19, “Winning Ugly”

Honestly, hardly any of our main characters had any power in this episode. It is a full-on Good Wife brownout. It is getting REAL and REAL BAD for everyone except, like, David Lee. And Arvin Sloane. Because, yes, Alicia is handed ARVIN motherf’ing SLOANE to help get her out of this pickle, and if you think you know where that’s going because he’s ARVIN MOTHERF’ING SLOANE, you are right.

Let’s begin the list the same way the episode itself commenced:

16. Alicia


Right here, Alicia is the lovely face of Wow Apparently I Really Should Not Have Put In An Email That I Want My Boss’s Tongue On A Pelvis Chain, and dear readers, WHY the news hasn’t dug up that one and run with it is beyond me. Everyone is acting like “I wish you were on top of me” is the worst thing she could have written. IT’S NOT. (And no, I will never get tired of flogging Pelvic Tongue Chain.)

The news is combining a story about her “innocent but wrong flirtation” with Will, and a story about voter fraud: It seems that a bunch of machines in pro-Niles districts were touch-screen, and weren’t calibrated correctly, so voting for Niles actually registered as a vote for Alicia. The example they give makes it SO FLAGRANT that it’s wrong, it’s amazing voters didn’t complain about it in the moment. It’d be like dialing 611 instead of 911 and then not noticing the difference. At any rate, this is no wine cardigan for Alicia. It’s a Shame Sweater. She is… real bummed. And a little clammy.

It gets no better:

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