Author Archives: Heather

Hollywood Film Awards Fug or Fab: Reese Witherspoon in J. Mendel


I feel like Reese’s head belongs to a different dress here.

Reese Witherspoon

It’s the lipstick. Pearly peachy pink is a really strange choice for that outfit, like somebody turned to the wrong page in the R. Witherspoon: November 2014 head-styling binder, or all the alternate lipstick melted in transit when she was coming back from that Cabo film fest. I really LIKE the outfit, it just… maybe EVERYONE has a cold. Maybe Reese and Angie got the same crud that’s going around and they hung out backstage going, “Ugh, I KNOW, I’m out of Zicam and I’m totally getting a rebound effect from my nasal spray and it’s THE WORST and I just want to go home and watch something by Shonda Rhimes.” Reese would watch How To Get Away With Murder, and clearly Angelina would pick Crossroads.

Which Shonda joint is this, for you?

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[Photo: Splash]

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Hollywood Film Awards Fug Carpet: Felicity Jones in Alexander McQueen


Felicity Jones loves a black dress.

Felicity Jones

She seems suspicious of THIS black dress, and I think it’s because Felicity Jones is not a Booty Shorts person. Which is fine. MOST people should not be Booty Shorts people. As pretty as that top is, the rest of the gown fails her; like her fellow sweet-faced Brit Carey Mulligan, I’d love to see Felicity shake it up and enliven things on the style front, but hot pants is not what I had in mind. And I’ll wager neither did she.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

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Fug the Show: Scandal recap, season 4, episode 8, “The Last Supper”


Just for fun — as an experiment — I’ve decided to do this recap as a ranking, somewhat a la The Good Wife. In this case, it’s a Suck Index, although that’s rather blunt so maybe it’s just a Worst of the Week scale. Because everyone is bad, but who is just meh, and who is SINCERELY THE WORST? Let me tell you, it was a tough call. I may have punted.

15. Mellie

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Mellie is not as rotten-to-the-core as she’s been in previous seasons — although she’s a bit put-upon for someone who has authored some of her own personal demise, like faking a miscarriage for PR reasons — and this week, she is Taking Action, as you can see by her power-red outfits. They are red like her beating heart and the heat of her lust. Mellie is going to SEX YOU UP. If you replace the word “you” with “Jon Tenney.”

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See, Jon here was finishing up at a function when his car blew up, which the government suspects to be the West Angola Liberation Front (not to be confused with the Liberation Front of West Angola, which prefers to threaten people with uncomfortably long hugs and a relentless stream of clickbait titled things like, “Someone Told This West Angolan That He Couldn’t Sing. His Reaction Will Make You Applaud”). Mellie was so scared that he’d been blown to unhumpable smithereens that she had to run to see for herself — and then she clears the room and jumps his relatively intact bones.

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Later, right when you think he’s going to tell her it’s Too Late, or Not A Good Idea, Mellie tells him that she pulled away from him because he chose the vice-presidency over her — I believe this refers to him dumping her at Fitz’s douchey behest — and then when Jerry died she recoiled from everything and everyone. She tells him that she’s experienced losing someone prematurely,without getting to say and feel and do everything you want to, and that it sucks. “When that bomb went off, I woke up. My body woke up,” she says. Translation: She wants to reap the veep. And I for one think Mellie deserves a harvest.

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Hollywood Film Awards Well Played (and a “73 Questions” with): Amy Adams in Christian Dior


The Dior press release called this “stretch piqué tweed effect.”

Amy Adams at Hollywood Film Awards

I just call it, “Yes.”

Although, as cute as I think it is — even though it’s bunching on her pelvis a little — it’s the shoes with which I’m having the most ardent love affair. They are “Zenadia” by Paul Andrew and they are a small fortune and basically I’m going to become very good friends with eBay in the next month. Well, not “good.” It’s not a loving relationship; more of an unrequited one, because I will look and look and then even if they pop up they will be for $600 and then I’ll have to get up and leave my office in a huff and slam the door just to make a point. But: As much as this feels underdressed compared to some people at this same event, I think it’s a win on her; three years ago she’d have been in a satin strapless frock with a sweetheart neckline and not enough tailoring. It’s been a good ride since then.

Amy also did one of the “73 Questions” videos for Vogue:

It’s cute. There are dancing children, and earnest questions about boys, and a coughing fit! Amy she comes off really well in it, and far less rehearsed than some. My only disappointment is that she did it at a dance studio but we didn’t get to see her in action. Maybe the 74th question was, “Can you do some ballet for us?” Curse you, question limits!

[Photo: Getty; video via The Scene]

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Hollywood Film Awards Illusively Played: Jennifer Lopez in Zuhair Murad


HOLA LOVERS.

Jennifer Lopez and Gerard Butler

“Well, lovers, I am tired. I have been selling my book True Love and trying to promote The Voice or whatever and I did not have time to go shopping for something that did not look like Kim Kardashian. Although lovers, it is true that I would do Kim Kardashian better than Kim Kardashian could do it. I would have married a better basketball player and dated a football player who is not made of glass and I would have married a man with TWO directions in his name and there would be a religion based on my body. Like Scientology but without any science, or ology, but maybe we could keep the aliens. Call it Lopezanity, and the core belief is that if you do not bow to The Lopez then Matthew McConaughey sends you to Mars. But lovers, I need a high priest to match me. I need true love, lovers. I thought True Love would be The Secret, where I put my book out there and it found me. I do not know when or how I will find my…

her what? WHAT?!?!?!

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Hollywood Film Awards Fug or Fab: Angelina Jolie in Versace


Angie here looks exhausted. Unbroken is coming out on Christmas Day, and I wonder if she’s been locked away in an edit bay or in a sound mix, or something, trying to get that sucker in ship-shape so that she gets a bunch of award nominations.

Angelina Jolie

The gentleman with her plays Louis Zamperini in the movie, by the way. He looks nice and seems unfazed by having Angelina on his arm, and won a New Hollywood Award, which is interesting given that I don’t know if anyone’s actually SEEN this film yet and I doubt he got it for 300: Rise of an Empire.

ANYHOO: Angie’s dress is so simple that I would’ve guessed it was Calvin Klein. There aren’t nearly enough metal or cutouts for me to have pegged it as Versace — and in fact, it’s custom, so that’s probably why. (But at that point, why would Versace want to custom-make a dress that looks like it’s by someone else? All press is good press, I guess?) Also, the fabric is actually sort of woolen and corporate, like you’d find in a very nice suit, or a CK or maybe even Boss Woman line:

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