Author Archives: Heather

WTF: Kylie Jenner


Regardless of your feelings about showing up at anything for Chris Brown — even a charity event — I think we can all agree this is tone-deaf:

IT’S A KICKBALL GAME, child. AND NOT THE DOMINATRIX KIND.

[Photo: Splash]

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Well Played Cover: Kristen Wiig on Elle, August 2014


I wasn’t sold on this at first — I think it’s because I prefer her as a brunette, maybe? — but I’ve come around and now I think she looks relaxed and cool in a way she rarely does on the red carpet.

[Photos: Elle]

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Fug the Show: I Wanna Marry Harry, episode 6 recap


May I please share with you the prop that is the greatest metaphor for this show?

I Wanna Marry Harry episode 6 recap (11)

Here is the dirty secret about I Wanna Canoe Hell River: It turned out to be well-cast, on the lady side. This doesn’t save the inherent meanness of it, but all but about two or three of the girls are just kind of there hanging out and having fun and getting a kick out of each other, and making the best of this weirdo situation, and that approach makes them EMINENTLY more watchable than if the entire cast were a bunch of brash Meghans and shit-stirring Kelleys. On a show whose main point in life is to cast aspersions on a) womankind’s ability to resist the allure of regal trappings, and b) womankind’s ability to believe any fairy-tale that’s convenient, and c) womankind’s ability to be smart, it’s a nice in-your-face moment that the actual takeaway from it is that you CAN throw a bunch of ladies into one house for several confining weeks and have many of them roll with it and be cool.

Well, most of them, until now. Because Kelley hates Meghan and Meghan hates Kelley. That is the entire theme of this week, which leads to The Most Dramatic Quiet Seated Chat Ever.

I Wanna Marry Harry episode 6 recap (1)

That horse seems primed to walk by Mr. Fenton’s credit and soil it with vigor.

I Wanna Marry Harry episode 6 recap (2)

We begin with a 5 a.m. wake-up from a drill sergeant, who barks at them in the fashion that reality TV loves best: It’s supposed to be entertaining to watch a guy stomp around and call a bunch of girls “maggots,” but actually, it’s irritatingly cliche, and before this recap is through I will want to punch him in his battalions.

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Well Played, Allison Janney


Do I LOVE the shoes? No.

Does it ruin anything? NO. That sound you hear is my inner child bemoaning my outer crone for not growing up this splendidly.

[Photo: Splash]

 

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Casual Fuggerday: Chloe Sevigny


She’s walking around, it’s summer, we’re all casual here — whatever.

But a dear friend once brought back Hawaiian ensembles for the beans after her vacation, and one of them was, I think, EXACTLY this. So I can’t take her seriously if she’s dressing like two four-year olds who liked to put this on and then pretend to play Queen on a ukulele. Or perhaps I can’t take her seriously UNLESS she is pretending to play Queen on a ukulele.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

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Fug or Fab: Chrissy Teigen in Milly


Generally, I think these midriff-y outfits work better if the top looks as little like a bra as possible. So that’s one strike against this.

Chrissy Teigen in Milly on "Extra"

The dueling bands — orange and black — seem so samey as to be fighting with each other a bit, and I like her better as a brunette, but that’s a digression I suppose. Basically, for me, the lively and insane pattern goes a LONG way toward making me consider voting “fab” on something that I might ordinarily question. It reminds me of those old screen-savers on the first color Macs. This one would be the habitat for Fish, obviously, which only means someone should make a Flying Toasters dress. I’m looking at YOU, Rodarte.

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[Photo: Splash]

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