21“HOLA LOVERS.”
“I am tired, lovers. I am chained to the Idol show again and nobody is talking about me because they want to giggle about Keith Suburban and Harry Blahnick Junior, and the fatigue, lovers, it is making me wilt. Even my poetry is crooked. It is melting off of my bosom. I AM NOT ‘MOTH, ER.’ I DO NOT EAT CLOTHES AND THEN WATCH GEORGE CLOONEY WEAR MEDICAL CLOTHES. I am the mother of YES. REMEMBER.”
[Photo: Fame/Flynet]
24There has to be a secret story about this cover. Right?
Because that’s not a cover — it’s a “cover,” by which I mean, that’s just a photograph of Miley from a red-carpet event in February. Specifically, this one. And while her face and hair DO look perfectly nice here, it seems INCREDIBLY strange for Seventeen – supposedly one of the premier teen mags, and without even that much competition to worry about — to be slapping a Getty Images photo on its cover. Was it, in keeping with the “Freebie” theme, a money-savings? Is Seventeen too broke for a photo shoot? Is it lazy because it has no competition outside of Teen Vogue? Do we think Miley was scheduled to do one and then had to bail, for some mysterious reason? (This is the one I’m hoping for, because I like gossip.) Or is this happening all the time with Seventeen and I just didn’t notice because I am *cough, cough* a tiny wee bit out of its demographic? I mean, I could’ve dummied up this cover in ten minutes with Photoshop. This can’t bode well. Come on, Seventeen, pull it together. If the world can’t have Sassy or YM anymore, it needs you.
29This is SO CLOSE to being cute. So tantalizingly close.
Her head looks awesome. Her shoes are fabulous. And the crisp idea of the dress really works on her, but boy, is the execution weird. If only the boob patches joined up with the skirt, they’d look less like she’s in bandages. If only the underskirt didn’t look so much like an apron on a carhop. If only she were wearing a bracelet, and had a clutch that didn’t seem like it was originally planned for another outfit.
The waffled bit IS pretty, but I think that’s way too much of it down there on her thighs, and it’s used weirdly everywhere else… I just feel like there has to be a way to design this dress so that it still feels springy and cool and cute, and doesn’t evoke a waitress at a diner, and I suspect Fug Nation is just the bunch to fix it. To make it pitch perfect, as it were. O SNAP. When you have nothing witty left in the tank on a Friday afternoon, it’s a cherished GFY staple to go for the hackiest joke in the arsenal. I knew you’d be expecting it and I didn’t want to let you down; ergo I can call it SELFLESS triteitude. (Because, another GFY staple: nonsense words. IS IT BEER O’CLOCK YET?)
[Photos: Getty]
22Usually, an outfit is felled by its LACK of pants:
But this one, unfortunately, has fallen victim to supreme overconfidence in them. She is a beautiful, ageless lady, and those pants are at least sixty-five and well on their way to collecting Social Security. And if the Everest-size pleats haven’t completely ruined this for you, then the stripper platforms can bat clean-up.
[Photo: Getty]
44La Mamet is BACK:
And she’s performing her usual alchemy. Separately, most of this is probably totally fine — I even LIKE the wackadoo demi-paisley pants — and yet something about the way she puts the ingredients together bakes up the weirdest fug souffle. Here’s hoping she keeps her secret recipe to herself.
[Photos: Getty]
|
Copyright
Casual Saucyday: Lupita Nyong’o
It’s not so much “Everybody Looks Better In Sunglasses,” so much as, “Lupita Nyong’o Looks Just As Great In Sunglasses As Without.”
This might be the first time I’ve SEEN her dressed-down, and OF COURSE she’s pulling it off with mystery and panache. CAN SHE NOT SPARE SOME OF THE PANACHE?
[Photo: Fame/Flynet]
react: