Fug File: Teen Choice Awards

Teen Choice Awards Fugs and Fabs: The Dudes

I KNOW I make this joke every year, but I really, really mean it: I wish there were a Individuals of a Certain Age Awards (maybe Girls of a Certain Age can sponsor it) that just trotted out all kinds of thirty- and forty-something hot dudes for our eye candy pleasure. Instead of  “What IS a Cody Simpson,” I could be saying, “and here’s the winner of Choice Naked Dude, MICHAEL FASSBENDER,” or “here’s your Choice Hot Dad, HEMSWORTH THE GREATER,” or “everyone, give it up for your Choice Hot Old Dude,” and then introduce the choicest Hot Old Dude. (I can’t remember who we decided that was, last time we talked about Hot Old Dudes.) The final award would be the Ferris Bueller It Is So Choice Choice, of course, and then we’d all be home by 11. But while I work on getting this together, here ARE some Teen Choice Award Dudes. SOME of them ARE kinda old for teens, Jason Dohring.


Teen Choice Awards Fugs and Fines: Pants and Jumpsuits

I have what I consider a healthy skepticism of all of these, with the possible exception of Selena Gomez — but then, she’s not even TRYING to get my goat. What’s wrong with my goat, huh, Selena? Picky, picky.

[Photos: Fame/Flynet]


Teen Choice Award Fug and Fabs: The Cast of Pretty Little Liars

In fairness, this is not the entire cast of PLL — Ashley Benson and Troian Bellisario were absent; I assume they are off making a giant PowerPoint presentation to explain to one another WTF is happening on their show at the moment — but we’ve got at least fifty percent. That’s…okay, that’s a failing grade, but whatever.

[Photos: Getty]


Teen Choice Awards Fug or Fab: Nina Dobrev in Vionnet

I’d just like to publicly thank Nina Dobrev for giving us the perfect visual representation of my oft sung refrain, “and then Kellan Lutz showed up.”

[Photos: AKM/GSI, Getty, Splash]


Teen Choice Awards Well Played: Hailee Steinfeld in Elie Saab

Let’s just leave aside the fact that her facial expression is unimpressed — although I am impressed with her eyebrows:

There is a lot about this that could have gone wrong: so many patterns, so many potentially rogue sheer patches, so much — as a friend of mine used to say — of a muchness.  This dress is like a Jell-O salad: if everything goes well, it’s both visually stimulating and surprisingly good, but if things go awry, you’re just disgusted at what a crazy mess it is. Lucky, this thing set up beautifully overnight and I, for one, am delighted. I will have seconds, thank you very much.

[Photo: AKM/GSI]


Fug, Fines, and WTF: Various Kardashian/Jenner Offspring

I don’t know how Kim has not figured out that tight skirts with horizontal patterns across her hips do NOT do for her what she thinks they do.

Kylie Jenner, Kendall Jenner, Kim Kardashian, Teen Choice Awards

But I mean, apart from looking like something you could buy on The Sims for your bangin’ bachelor pad, Kim actually is not the problem here. Nor is Kylie. No, it’s Kendall who needs a Get-a-Grip Friend to tell her she looks like she’s wearing rotting linens. Beyond that, though, the whole outfit feels like something Angie Harmon would wear, but with actual finished pant legs, and Angie Harmon — whom I love, conceptually — IS IN HER FORTIES. Kendall is eighteen. It’s cool to want to grow up to be Angie Harmon — I will feel that way until I die, I suspect — but not when you still have like THIRTY YEARS to get there.

However. Kendall did not have the worst sartorial weekend of the lot.

that honor goes to Kourtney