Switched at Birth is really a wonderful, wonderful show — it has great actors, innovative scenes all in sign language, interesting adult characters, and lots of good hair. I’m saying all this now so that when I get to the part where I both hate her shoes and am afraid they will come find me in the night and jam themselves up my nose until I beg for mercy, you will know I MEAN it, and not just that my bile valve is stuck on “geyser.”
[Photos: Getty]
This is a tough one:
I’ve been turning this over in my brain and finally landed on what I’d say if, for example, I was besties with Marion and she popped out of her room wearing this and asked me what I thought. For reference: I look amazing in this fantasy and am both wearing a caftan and drinking champagne. By the pool. By my pool. In the south of France. While Jon Hamm grills burgers. Shirtless. No, wait, his chest hair might catch on fire — in a tight tee shirt. Okay. (Hey, if you’re going to make a hypothetical situation, make it a good one.) And what I’d say is this:
“That dress is REALLY cute! But are you going to wear those shoes with it? ….no, I don’t know, girl. I don’t love them with it. I feel like the skirt is too short for you to wear such tall shoes. The proportions are kind of weird. No! You can totally still wear a wedge. Just maybe, like, an inch or two shorter? It’d be different if the dress were a tab longer. Or if you were younger. SORRY. Sorry. Jon keeps refilling my champagne, I might be a little drunk. But, listen, girl: it’s too much leg in those shoes, and it’s not because your legs aren’t great, because THEY ARE. I just think…I mean, you know. Do you want to just stay home? We’re having burgers!”
And then she’d change them, or let out the hem, and everyone would be so so happy. Right?
Selita Ebanks’s weekend started so well and then turned so crazy. I suppose that has happened to us all. But generally with fewer witnesses.
From the waist up, this really works.
From the waist down, she might as well just be wearing a sign that says, “STELLA MCCARTNEY HATES ME.”
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This starts in one place and lands in another:
Behold what we’re about to see in the CW’s reboot of Pride and Prejudice — they’re calling it Uptight and Judgmental, and they reworked it so that Mr. Darcy is now the leader of a standoffish dance crew. Drunkface McCord — who hardly ever looks drunkfaced anymore — plays Elizabeth Bennet, obviously, bringing Regency-period fierceness tempered with contemporary realness. It’s going to be TERRIBLE.
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