Fug File: performances

WTFug: Lily Allen

I feel like I just stumbled back in time and into someone’s misguided LSD-fueled seance:

I mean, if you told me she was two seconds away from twirling and then singing “I Got You, Babe,” to a tree, I’d believe you.

And if you’re wondering whether this is as naked if she’s not lifting her arms:

warning: it is


Oscar Performers Fugs and Fabs

Here’s my feeling about Travolta and Adele Dazeem: Plenty of people flubbed their lines at the Oscars; it was an extraordinarily sloppy show, and his had the misfortune of being the most cuckoo cock-up. But it’s true that nobody else screwed up on an “Adele Dazeem” level, and while I understand that people are attributing it to Travolta being dyslexic, and I have great sympathy for that, I also think it’s totally okay to be like, “Yeah, you know what? That guy is a professional and he could have been more prepared, and he wasn’t.” Because John Travolta has worked in showbiz for FORTY YEARS (which blows my mind a little). He is not new to the adjustments he has to make in order to avoid the pitfalls of live TV. Don’t memorize the patter, if you don’t want — nobody cares about patter — but at the very least, the TINIEST modicum of respect he could have shown for Idina Menzel, and her moment, was to bother to memorize HER NAME, so that even if the rest of it got tangled, he could just take a deep breath and laugh it off and then get the important part right. The whole thing was so bizarre that I’m not sure it CAN be excused except by The Drink, The Lazy, or maybe The Last-Minute Substitution. I suppose The Nerves? Maybe it was The Nerves. But I mean, not for nothing, Tom Cruise has dyslexia also, and you can bet that dude would have studied the hell out of it and walked out there and nailed “Idina Menzel” correctly if his life depended on it. Which I just realized sounds kind of bad, although I ALSO just realized that Tom Cruise and Idina Menzel becoming a couple would be really entertaining, and I wouldn’t have gotten there if not for Travolta and Adele Dazeem, so: Thanks, you two!

As for the outfits: We’ve got Idina in Reem Acra and Vera Wang; Bette Midler in Reem Acra and custom Alaia; Pink in Elie Saab; U2 in U2-type things; and Pharrell in a whole lot of good cheer.

[Photos: Getty, Fame/Flynet]




BRIT Awards: Performance Fugs and Fabs

This see-through, black, slinky Beyonce dress from the Super Bowl wasn’t in our subscription, so I’ve basically been waiting for an excuse to talk about it: She wore it fresh off the similarly nude white lacy Michael Costello from the Grammys, and I was afraid it was the dawning of a really tiresome phase. This dress encourages me that perhaps it’s NOT all about windows for her this season.

[Photos: Getty]


Well Played, Renee Fleming

I totally forgot Renee Fleming happened at the Super Bowl. And the reason I forgot is, I think, because a) I was still spooning out dip at the time she sang, and dip is really, really important; and b) randomly she wasn’t showing up in our subs, although that has since changed. So here she is:

I wish Meryl Streep would swan into the Oscars wearing something like this — it’s a dash of her regular simplicity, with then the special sauce of Capes Are So Hot Right Now. Actually I wish Julia Roberts would wear this, too. Maybe they should BOTH wear it and then stage a mighty duel on the Oscars stage. My money is on Streep. Her gaze will wilt Julia before she even gets going.

Intellectually, yes, I acknowledge that this looks a bit like Renee might have repurposed a tablecloth, as if in the green room she realized that she had not gone big and might thus have to go home. But I don’t care, because it’s so EFFECTIVE. Let’s see it from the side:

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Well Played (Mostly), Super Bowl Halftime Show

I’ll be honest, this did not have my full attention, mostly because of party-related mayhem. But I will always salute a man for wearing a gold lame jacket.

[Photos: Getty]


Fug the Special: Miley “Unplugged” on MTV

In which Miley sings, “We can’t stop,” and I think to myself, “Are you sure? Not even for a couple weeks?”

[Photos: Getty]