Fug File: performances

Fug or Fab: The Super Bowl L Halftime Show


It feels like an indictment of the establishment’s confidence in Coldplay that it both hired Coldplay for the Super Bowl, then signed two other “guest star” recording artists to help fill up that time. Or in other words, when the beans confusedly asked, “Was that the Coldplay Halftime Show?” my reply was, “Barely.”

[Photos: Getty]

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Lopezly Played: Jennifer Lopez in Las Vegas


“HOLA LOVERS. Listen. If you are surprised by this, then you have not been paying attention, which is ALSO the MEANEST thing you could possibly do to someone you love as much as me. Also, the tour is called ALL I HAVE. What did you think you were going to see, lovers? Small Samples Of What I Have? No. The Lopez is all-you-can-eat.”

[Photos: Getty, Fame/Flynet]

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American Music Awards Lopezly Played: Jennifer Lopez


“HOLA LOVERS. Yes, you are right: The holidays have come early. So sit down at my table and let me serve you my stuffing, my pies, my cranberry sauce, pudding, my spiced whipped cream, my vegan free-range gluten-free grass-fed napkins that Goopeth Paltrow sent me and Ben Ackfleck for our non-wedding which I never sent back because it is a sign of weakness and I wanted her to think we ate preservatives all over them… ah, memories. So get ready, lovers. The feast is on. It is Lopezgiving and the thanks are from me to you, for all the thanks you give every day for me because of all the giving that I do to you.”

[Photos: Getty]

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Fugs and Fabs: Performers at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show


Ellie Goulding got pulled into this at the eleventh hour when Rihanna backed out, and that’s a bit of a bummer because I’d love to have seen what Rihanna brought to this party.

[Photos: Getty]

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What the Fug: Janet Jackson


People who’ve read The Royal We often tweet us to confess they wish our protagonist’s father’s invention, the Coucherator (a fridge-sofa hybrid), actually existed. So do we, friends. But its cousin may be real:

janet jackson

I mean, if that’s not a Pantserator, then what a waste of SEVERAL cubic feet of space.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

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Casual Fug-or-Fabberday: Taylor Swift on GMA


Dark blue outfits with vaguely military-inspired details will always, ALWAYS, remind me of Brian Boitano. And now I wish he’d shown up behind Swifty to shake it off with her.

[Photos: Splash]

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Casual Fuggerday: Ariana Grande on the Today Show


Here’s my hangup with Ariana Grande (whom my teenage niece loves; like, if Ariana is on TV, BACK OFF, because it’s not going anywhere): About seventy-five percent of the time, if not more, nothing she’s doing makes it all the way up to her eyes.

Ariana Grade Performs On NBC's "Today" Show

On the red carpet she usually looks half-terrified; when she’s performing, it’s like you can see the hamsters huffing and puffing on the wheel, trying not to trip and fall off it. (That’s not a comment on her intellect. More like, I feel like I can see her counting steps, planning ahead to the next dance move.) I remember the VMAs — or Grammys? — when she just stood up there and sang her heart out and was talented and cute, and it worked better for her in particular, to me, than all this generic Pop Princess stuff that feels strained. Although I am not her target audience, and whatever hash she’s slinging is CLEARLY finding a place on my niece’s plate, so whatever.

That said, this cellophane cheerleader bit is as dead to me as her eyes sometimes are (although can we give three cheers for her lipstick? It’s gorgeous on her). At first I thought it was going to be the skirt that annoyed me, until I got to this shot of the top and saw that it puts the “bust” in “bustier.” No need to be all Barneys all the time, but no need to be Dollar Store, either.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

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