Fug File: performances

Casual Fug-or-Fabberday: Taylor Swift on GMA


Dark blue outfits with vaguely military-inspired details will always, ALWAYS, remind me of Brian Boitano. And now I wish he’d shown up behind Swifty to shake it off with her.

[Photos: Splash]

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Casual Fuggerday: Ariana Grande on the Today Show


Here’s my hangup with Ariana Grande (whom my teenage niece loves; like, if Ariana is on TV, BACK OFF, because it’s not going anywhere): About seventy-five percent of the time, if not more, nothing she’s doing makes it all the way up to her eyes.

Ariana Grade Performs On NBC's "Today" Show

On the red carpet she usually looks half-terrified; when she’s performing, it’s like you can see the hamsters huffing and puffing on the wheel, trying not to trip and fall off it. (That’s not a comment on her intellect. More like, I feel like I can see her counting steps, planning ahead to the next dance move.) I remember the VMAs — or Grammys? — when she just stood up there and sang her heart out and was talented and cute, and it worked better for her in particular, to me, than all this generic Pop Princess stuff that feels strained. Although I am not her target audience, and whatever hash she’s slinging is CLEARLY finding a place on my niece’s plate, so whatever.

That said, this cellophane cheerleader bit is as dead to me as her eyes sometimes are (although can we give three cheers for her lipstick? It’s gorgeous on her). At first I thought it was going to be the skirt that annoyed me, until I got to this shot of the top and saw that it puts the “bust” in “bustier.” No need to be all Barneys all the time, but no need to be Dollar Store, either.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

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Fug the Concert Costume: Bey and Jay


Beyonce and Jay-Z at the On The Run Tour in New Jersey

JAY: Hey, Bey.

BEYONCE: Hey, Jay.

JAY: You okay?

BEY: Like a fine cabernet.

JAY: Should we cover some Sugar Ray?

BEY: I want to do “My Way.”

JAY: Maybe someday.

BEY: I get a say. I’m the one with leather up in my va-jay-jay.

JAY: I don’t want to hear this today.

BEY: What, in case it deflates your souffle?

JAY: My interest in this shows exponential decay.

BEY: Tell me: What does this mask portray?

JAY: Something risque? Like a minx in the CIA?

BEY: IT LOOKS LIKE A POWER PLAY.

JAY: Nah, it’s just a mystery buffet.

BEY: WHAT buffet? I CAN’T EAT. MY MOUTH IS BLOCKED OFF. AM I BEING SILENCED? AM I SUBSERVIENT TO YOU NOW ALL OF A SUDDEN? DO YOU NOT GET WHY THIS LOOKS OFF?

JAY: Does that follow our rhyme? NAY.

BEY: FINE THEN. HOW’S THIS: I HOPE THAT’S A TOUPEE.

JAY: I miss Kanye.

[Photo: AKM-GSI]

 

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Fugta Ora and Fuggy Azalea


I really love the pattern Rita Ora is wearing and wish someone would make it a tennis dress at the U.S. Open.

Having said that, everything about the rest of BOTH their outfits makes them look like Romy and Michele’s High School Cheerleading Audition.

[Photo: Fane/Flynet]

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WTF, Again: Steven Tyler


In the immortal words of Joey Lawrence: whoa.

Steven Tyler Aerosmith

Which do we think will happen first: Johnny Depp plays Steven Tyler, or Johnny Depp turns INTO Stephen Tyler?

[Photo: Pacific Coast News]

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WTFug: Lily Allen


I feel like I just stumbled back in time and into someone’s misguided LSD-fueled seance:

I mean, if you told me she was two seconds away from twirling and then singing “I Got You, Babe,” to a tree, I’d believe you.

And if you’re wondering whether this is as naked if she’s not lifting her arms:

warning: it is

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