Fug File: performances

What the Fug: Jennifer Lopez on the Today Show with Lin-Manuel Miranda


Apparently J.Lo not only recorded a song with Lin-Manuel Miranda and performed it with him on the Today show, but she also attended LMM’s final performance on Saturday night.

Jennifer Lopez & Lin-Manuel Miranda Perform On NBC's "Today"

And I imagine her being like, “Listen, lover, it was not terrible. The hair was good. And it was nice how you let the woman win, and killed off the cheating, tired, lying man, the bastard Batman son of a bore and a shot glass, who sometimes writes but always is so NEEDY and can’t stop SLEEPING WITH PEOPLE and maybe has more hair than he is supposed to. That was smart. But there was maybe too much counting. We know how to get to ten. Also, it would sound better as ‘Anjennifer, J.Loza, and Jenny, the Lopez sisters.’ Also, I was not clear on the location of his block. All heroes have a block. ‘Hammy From The Block’ would have been a better theme song than the one about doing shots. So whatever. It could have been special, Lover-Manuel Miranda. But it was good enough for us to work together to sing about love. I don’t write songs with just anybody, you know. Only my old Marc. And that one country Jennifer with the name that is a mean plant. And Lil’ Wayne, and Luda, and Flo Rida, and Nas, and Eggy Azalea, and Pitfall, and Sultana, and Ja-Thingy, and Ricky Martin, and French Dakota. And all the other people. Other than them, this is not something I do every day. So I am going to bring it for you. I am going to dress like if Lindsay Lohan’s old leggings line married American Apparel on a cruise ship. Because you know who is non-stop? LOPEZ. And when your next musical is the story of my life, I will let you play Marc. Unless you want to be Ben, but… you do not.”

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

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What the Fug: Rihanna


Rihanna is currently on her Anti World Tour.

Rihanna Performs In Dublin

Perhaps she should rename it the Untie World Tour, as she has turned herself into some sort of sneaker.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

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What the Fug: Rihanna in Concert in Vancouver


No, you’re not mistaken. Rihanna IS dressed as the progeny of a Kardashian and a baseball.

[Photos: Getty]

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Fug or Fab: The Super Bowl L Halftime Show


It feels like an indictment of the establishment’s confidence in Coldplay that it both hired Coldplay for the Super Bowl, then signed two other “guest star” recording artists to help fill up that time. Or in other words, when the beans confusedly asked, “Was that the Coldplay Halftime Show?” my reply was, “Barely.”

[Photos: Getty]

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Lopezly Played: Jennifer Lopez in Las Vegas


“HOLA LOVERS. Listen. If you are surprised by this, then you have not been paying attention, which is ALSO the MEANEST thing you could possibly do to someone you love as much as me. Also, the tour is called ALL I HAVE. What did you think you were going to see, lovers? Small Samples Of What I Have? No. The Lopez is all-you-can-eat.”

[Photos: Getty, Fame/Flynet]

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American Music Awards Lopezly Played: Jennifer Lopez


“HOLA LOVERS. Yes, you are right: The holidays have come early. So sit down at my table and let me serve you my stuffing, my pies, my cranberry sauce, pudding, my spiced whipped cream, my vegan free-range gluten-free grass-fed napkins that Goopeth Paltrow sent me and Ben Ackfleck for our non-wedding which I never sent back because it is a sign of weakness and I wanted her to think we ate preservatives all over them… ah, memories. So get ready, lovers. The feast is on. It is Lopezgiving and the thanks are from me to you, for all the thanks you give every day for me because of all the giving that I do to you.”

[Photos: Getty]

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Fugs and Fabs: Performers at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show


Ellie Goulding got pulled into this at the eleventh hour when Rihanna backed out, and that’s a bit of a bummer because I’d love to have seen what Rihanna brought to this party.

[Photos: Getty]

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