Fug File: Olympics

Fab and Fabber: 2014 Winter Olympics Figure Skating: The Gala

My personal confession is that I hardly ever watch the gala skates. Are you BATTLING FOR DOMINANCE? Then I don’t care. (Also, I hate skating to music with vocals, which means my life is going to become very difficult, as rumor has it they’re going to allow that in all figure skating now, rather than just ice dancing.) But I had to bring you Carolina Kostner’s pantlessness and Javier Fernandez’s adorableness if nothing else. Although there’s LOTS of “else.”

Did you miss any of our other skating coverage?  Behold the pairs! The men Your ice dancing! And, of course, the women.

PS: See you in Brazil, SWIMMERS.

[Photos: Me.]


Fab and Fabber: 2014 Winter Olympics Figure Skating: The Women

At last! The so-called marquee event of the Olympics, as full of DRAMA and FALLS and TIGHTS MALFUNCTIONS and SUSPICIONS OF RIGGING. Did you want to talk about the pairs? We can do that. Do you have a burning desire to weigh in on the drama of the men’s event? We are here for you. Can you no longer go on without discussing ice dancing? We ALWAYS want to discuss ice dancing. All ready for the women? Let’s do this thing. As always: discussion of drama is welcomed! Ashley Wagner has already started stirring the pot for you! (It’s rarely a good idea to really let it fly to the press on a day when you’ve lost. I’m saying that as someone actually think she makes a good point, even if she doesn’t acknowledge the irony that the very lack of transparency in skating is part of the reason she ended up at this Olympics in the first place. And I’m saying that as someone who thinks Ashley showed up this go-round with a major chip on her shoulder.) ANYWAY. DISCUSS. Discuss it ALL.

PS: Dear Johnny Weir, I think I’ll miss you most of all. You and Tara are the wind beneath my wings.


Fab and Fabber: 2014 Winter Olympics Figure Skating: The Ice Dancers

In which you will see both the medalists, and a variety of people that I felt you needed to witness in order to live a full and complete life. We’ve already covered the pairs, and the men’s competition, and all the Americans were covered at Nationals, although the Shibs have new costumes, so I decided to include them. And then because it felt weird to NOT include Meryl and Charlie, given that they won this one (and because I really love Charlie), I tossed them in too. And then I tossed in Bates and Chock because their short dance costumes are gorgeous. In other words: I am just making up the rules as I go along and I have no idea what I’m talking about.

Additionally, you might want to review what happened in the previous Olympics. THEY WERE COMPLETELY INSANE. They make all of these costumes look like something you’d rustle up at the mall. And, as always: rumor-mongering and tales of ice-dancing DRAMA welcome.

[Photos: ME]


Fab and Fabber: 2014 Winter Olympics Figure Skating: The Men

In which I say aloud to the TV, “BRIAN JOUBERT IS STILL ALIVE?!” As I mentioned in my post about the pairs, I got tired of waiting to bring you SKATING SKATING SKATING, so we’re breaking this out into a whole bunch of coverage this year. As I ALSO mentioned in my post about pairs, most of the Americans have already been discussed after Nationals...but that turned out to be a lie in this particular case, because I wanted to show you the back of Jason Brown’s Prince-themed costume and also we have to talk about Poor Jeremy Abbott, the Edith Crawley of figure-skating. ALSO we have to talk about WTF happened with Plushenko. Men’s skating rarely has so much dramz. ALSO ALSO ALSO, as usual, this is a melange of Winners Plus People I Thought You Might Want To See. SKATING!

[Photos: Screengrabs by my own bleeding hands, but these are marginally better than the pairs ones; again, apologies for our annoying photo situation in terms of sports coverage at the moment.]


Fug the Uniform: The USA in Sochi

Well, here’s one way to ensure Canada will take the gold (AGAIN) in the event that really counts: winter clothes. If you make a sculpted Olympic athlete look terrible… WHAT ARE YOU DOING OVER THERE, RALPH?

[Photos: Ralph Lauren]


Paralympically Played, Prince Harry

In which Harry hides his face behind a ball.


Paralympically Played, Kate Middleton, Plus THE TRIUMPHANT RETURN OF PRINCE HARRY.

He’s back, he’s pointing at people, he’s wearing a suit, he’s cavorting with adorable children. It’s like someone in the Royal Family’s press team realizes that the key to recouping Prince Harry after Naked Vegasville is just to have him do all the things Fug Nation loves most. Also, perhaps they’ve realized that just running around starkers isn’t exactly the worst thing anyone has ever done. It isn’t even the weirdest thing his immediate family has ever done. Although, in Charles’s defense, he had no idea that his phone was tapped and that one day we’d all hear him tell Camilla he wished he could be her tampon so he could always be in her pants (although if you read the actual transcript of that conversation, he is clearly basically joking. Also, that conversation is equal parts GET A ROOM and also sort of sweet in a weird way if one ignores the fact that at least one of them was still married at that point). Also: Kate looks great.

[Photos: Getty]