Fug File: jumpsuit

Fug or Fab: Kristen Wiig

This looks so familiar to me, and I had to rack my brain into split pea soup before realizing that I think it’s from the same family of Stella McCartney stuff as this jumpsuit, and these items worn by Rachel McAdams and Rumer Willis.

I think, understandably, that people get sick of me harping on about hating jumpsuits all the time. I get that. I get bored of me, too. It’s just that I have a very hard time being case-by-case with them, especially when Stella McCartney herself — who, by the way, seems like she has a great sense of humor – said that when she wore her version she had to have help going to the bathroom. AT THE MET BALL. So there’s a practicality hump I can’t get over, in addition to general recurring concerns about polterwang (not present here, thank goodness) or Inflating Pelvis Syndrome (marginally present) or any of a number of other concerns. Is this the worst jumpsuit, or even the worst version of THIS jumpsuit, that I have ever seen? No. Does that save it? I leave that to you. The harpy is letting YOU speak.

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Emma Fugberts

I’m tired of hating jumpsuits. That doesn’t mean I’m going to soften on them; just that, like leggings, I’m running out of emotional energy to deal with them. Now every time I see one, I just want to go lie down and hope Jessica writes about it instead.

I mean, look at it. That thing makes her lower half look enormous. They’re not pantaloons, they’re pantaballoons. And the rosette unfolds as if she knifed herself in the belly. There’s disliking a bleedin’ jumpsuit, and disliking a jumpsuit that actually looks like it’s bleeding. I score on both fronts, as it happens.

[Photo: Getty]


This Place About To Fug

It’s… better?

No, it is. It’s better. Her hair is brushed, and appears clean. But we’re still dealing with the lower end of the scale here, and I’m disinclined to grade on a curve. I mean, if I did THAT, every man, woman, and Kardashian would end up with a respectable FPA (Fug Point Average). I am not sure what shoes one wears with 1.21 Jigawatt-themed jumpsuit, but I’m pretty sure those aren’t it.

And, correct me if I’m wrong…

will I be wrong?


Fugs and Recreation

I’m sure my reaction to this jumpsuit is totally predictable.

But that doesn’t mean it’s WRONG, either. She looks like she’s in intensive training for the United Mechanics Association’s square dancing marathon.

[Photo: Getty]


Kristen Fuug

So, Kristen Wiig has this part pretty much down pat.

Okay, except for Chokergate 2012 — and yes, I know that adding “gate” to things is supposed to be tired and sad, but I’ve decided that for me it never will be; you can call it Gategate, if you like — Kristen pretty much always looks lovely from the neck up, because she is lovely, and she is smart enough not to monkey with what works.

However, from the neck down I sometimes get fug-induced rage blackouts. I could not hate the rest of this outfit more:

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Fugsica White

Thank you to Jessica White for adding fuel to the pyre on which the “models can wear anything” theory is burning.

Models can’t wear this. Windows can’t wear this. Canopy beds can’t wear this. Marchesa models can’t wear this. Mannequins at the polygamist cult on-site lingerie emporium can’t wear this. Tables can’t wear this. Clowns can’t wear this. People who breathe can’t wear this. SWINTON can’t wear this. Leighton Meester might think she can wear this, but she can’t. Tyra Banks secretly thinks she can wear this, but knows better than to try.  Your mortal enemy should think she can wear this, even though she can’t, because that would be satisfying. In short, this is the incomprehensibly hideous Lanz of Salzburg sleepwear version of Erin Wasson’s idiotic Golden Globes dress: It is evil, and must be destroyed.

[Photo: Getty]