Fug File: jumpsuit

Recent Fugs: Jumpsuits

Might as well sweep them all up in the same dustpan, no?

[Photos: Getty, Fame/Flynet]


Fug of Sight: Jennifer Lopez in Zuhair Murad


jennifer lopez billboard latin music awards

“And yes, lovers, I do. Do you? You do. You always do. You will love me in sickness and in health –until you die, and I transfer my brain into a Science Body that is just like this one but bionic and also twenty-five – and so by the power vested in me from magic and inner goodness and a lot of juicing, I pronounce us Lopez and wife. I can do that, lovers. I am one part ladypriest, one part veil, ten parts YES. So it feels good that we should make it legal that I will allow you to adore me forever. You are welcome. Psst: I am very good at marriage. Lots of practice! You have much to learn from me! Buy a notebook.”

[Photo: Getty]


Get Fug: Alyssa Milano

I’ve decided not to call this a jumpsuit.

alyssa milano

Instead, in honor of the basketball tournament, I’ll christen it a “jumpshoot.” As in:

Person #1: Hey, what are you wearing tonight?

Person #2 (turning toward mirror): I’m wearing this jump… shoot.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]


Fug and Fab: Jessica Chastain

Wait a minute. Do we think that’s the Letterman Dumpster, trying to disguise itself as a harmless upright piano waiting to be delivered? Is it looking up on Chastain’s bellbottomed jumpsuit and rethinking the life choice that saw it vacate that nice Park Avenue-adjacent alley outside a UES condo just to get a load of this?

Also herein: Special Guest Stars Heather Locklear, Dakota Fanning, and Kate Mara, except that one of those is a lie.

[Photos: Splash]


Fugta Ora

I can’t tell if she’s wincing, or raising the roof.

Rita Ora

Let’s hope it’s both: She’s wincing, and then raising a roof so she can crawl under it and close the door and hide inside, rather than be in public in this body sleeve. It’s like Ed Hardy started designing companion jumpsuits for a furniture company, for those who wish to be camouflaged upon their own divan.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]



What The Fug: Kim Kardashian

I’ve decided Kim Kardashian and Kanye are going to take the cultish furor around their coupling and turn it into an actual cult.

It will involve members building her a pedestal out of their own donated money, while she stands atop it, robes flowing, shouting, “Kanye has, like, the best taste.” When we need punishing, she will rip out a chunk of what they built and spend it on high-necked, skin-tight maxi-dresses from Balmain with more embroidery than your grandmother’s living room, or jumpsuits that make her look squat. And the first commandment will be, “Like, no corset should hold that which was given to you, because like, right?” Sometimes Kanye will come over and ask how he’s influenced anybody today, and he will send forty tweets for each person who can’t answer. It’s going to be great.

[Photo: AKM-GSI}


Very Good Fugs: Maggie Gyllenhaal

Well, at least her lipstick is nice.

Maggie Gyllenhaal, "Very Good Girls" premiere

But the rest of it is, as Jess said, fashion oatmeal: lumpy, bland, unappetizing, and like homework to consume.

[Photo: Getty]