“And yes, lovers, I do. Do you? You do. You always do. You will love me in sickness and in health –until you die, and I transfer my brain into a Science Body that is just like this one but bionic and also twenty-five — and so by the power vested in me from magic and inner goodness and a lot of juicing, I pronounce us Lopez and wife. I can do that, lovers. I am one part ladypriest, one part veil, ten parts YES. So it feels good that we should make it legal that I will allow you to adore me forever. You are welcome. Psst: I am very good at marriage. Lots of practice! You have much to learn from me! Buy a notebook.” [Photo: Getty]