Fug File: Grammys

Grammy Awards Meh Carpet: Ariana Grande


So, I gather Ariana Grande decided she needed to do a whole explanation about why her hair is the same all the time, and it boils down to: loads of damage from her day job, it’s too “ratchet” (she means “wretched” or “ratty,” right?) to wear until it grows out and she can cut off the damage, and she has a hard time with wigs.  She tries to be self-deprecating and whatnot, but I don’t know why she doesn’t just give herself a cute short haircut. Maybe her label thinks it will ruin her Li’l Mariah image, or she hates herself with short hair, or doesn’t have enough yet. I don’t know. But I ALSO don’t know why this means she can’t wear a bun hairpiece, or… I think that explanation of an issue I hadn’t even really noticed has now left me with more questions than answers.

The real issue to ME is that she’s still being styled like a Madame Alexander doll. The Dolce & Gabbana dress is objectively pretty, but everything she’s put with it is very princess-y and bland and it’s not doing much to give her any personality. And she could USE a hand with that, because her interview on the red carpet was not oozing with verve. Listen, y’all may not like Taylor Swift, but at least she’s very poised and well-spoken and self-possessed during endless and repetitive chats with Ryan and Giuliana.

[Photo: Getty]

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Grammy Awards Fabs: The Other Metallics


Taylor did it successfully, and so did Rita Ora. And now these ladies.  I know I am a magpie who can’t resist something shiny — I literally said to Heather last week, “I don’t need another gold bootie” — but these looks are gold, Jerry. Gold! No, literally, they are mostly gold.

(And yes, I do hate myself for going there with that joke. No one can hate me more than I do for that. Well, maybe Seinfeld himself.)

[Photos: Getty]

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Grammy Awards Better Played: Julia Roberts


I’m sure the cut of this dress will knock you over from shock.

After her Globes and SAGs outfits, I feel like Julia must have been DYING to get back into a cocktail frock with loose sleeves, like the ones she favored leading up to awards season. It’s an Elie Saab, and it’s very pretty, and it shows off her legs — which she obviously is justifiably proud of — and I think The Great Dual Crotch Incident of 2014 really had us all holding our breath that she would ride the crazy coaster straight through until March 2, so: EXHALE. The reset button has been hit, and the BAFTAs and the Oscars may be saved after all.

However:

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Grammy Awards Fug Carpet: Ashanti


At some point when we were watching the Grammys red carpet, Heather said, “Some horror show just walked behind Giuliana.” Friends, MEET THAT HORROR SHOW:

I’m sure you know what I’m going to say, though, and I want you to say it with: At least it’s not a vagina sling.

I mean. Low bar. But still.

[Photo: Getty]

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Grammy Weekend Fugs or Fabs: Lorde


I’m getting that black clothes are her thing, but not all garments are created equal. People are very defensive of her, from what I gleaned on Twitter, so don’t take it personally if I don’t think they’re all very good. Or any of them. I’m sure she’s still a high-quality human being.

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[Photos: Getty]

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Grammy Awards Fug or Fab: Anna Kendrick


First of all, do not ask me why Anna Kendrick was at the Grammys. I don’t have anything against Anna Kendrick — I actually like Anna Kendrick! — but it seemed weird. Is this because my local pop music station went through a three week period of playing “Cups” every thirty-five minutes? Is that (or a role on a CBS show) all it takes?

ANYWAY. I like that she went a little sexier than usual for the event, and I even think she’s pulling off the boob cage — and I hardly ever endorse the incarceration of the boobs. In fact, I am almost read to sign off on this entire look, except it seems a little long, and ergo a dangerous tripping hazard.

But I might be delirious thanks to how long the Grammys were last night OMG. You go:

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[Photo: Getty]

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