Fug File: Grammys

Grammys Fug Carpet: Paris Hilton


57th GRAMMY Awards - Arrivals

And by “it,” yes, I do mean “Paris.” Think of it this way, Hilton: Imagine the kind of press you’d eventually get if you disappeared for four years because you decided to go to college and get a degree in….oh, let’s just say anthropology. People would FREAK OUT if, in 2019, you emerged from a library somewhere and said, “hey, you guys! No, people DID NOT just stop inviting me places. Actually, I decided to take part of my fortune and learn some stuff about other people, and now I’m moving to a remote island in the Pacific to study linguistical development as it happens without the benefit of outside media.” And THEN what if you did it and you were gone, in the field, for like a REALLY, really really long time? And then when you came back, you could write an award-winning book about what you learned? And everyone would be all, “who would have thought that Paris Hilton would become a noted intellectual?” There would FOR SURE be a media storm over this that you, noted wooer of attention on a mass scale, would, I think , find very satisfying.  Eventually. Like, a really long time from now.  A really really long time from now. But it would totally be worth it, I promise. TRY IT.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]


Grammy Weekend Fugs and Fabs: Zendaya

As I noted in our Cosmo piece, one thing I like about Zendaya is that she’s figuring out how to play with fashion and maturity and being eighteen — and where and how those things intersect — without going full Crotchy O’Sideboob.

[Photos: Splash]


Grammys Kind of Well Played: Ariana Grande in Versace

Can we also talk about how WEIRD she is in interviews? The whole time she was talking to Ryan, she did that thing where she held her head at a 45 degree angle constantly, and she clung to Big Sean like a wind might blow him away. For someone who’s been working since she was little, she seemed like she was recently released from a youth spent in a cave away from all other human contact.

[Photos: Fame/Flynet]


Grammys Well Played: Jane Fonda in Balmain

This is not the first jumpsuit from this line that I secretly like, but this one, I suspect I enjoy SPECIFICALLY in this context.

jane fonda grammys 2015

The EXQUISITE unimpressed expression on Jane’s face, coupled with the pose, the necklace more dramatic than Kanye when his dinner is late, and that fabulous shade of green, is collective PERFECTION. I don’t want to see this outfit ever again anywhere else — not on Gwyneth, a model, a Lohan, a Kardashian, Amal, or even Intern George (note: I MIGHT want to see that actually). This is it. This is how it was meant to be worn: by Jane, like a truth bomb being dropped into a room full of delusion. “Look at all you sad mice scurrying around in your see-through outfits,” she is thinking. “Sit down, you woeful children, and let me show you how to bring the noise.”

[Photo: Splash]


Grammys What The Fug: Sia

Is this what happens when you put a cotton ball in the microwave?

sia furler

Or is it what happens when you put Cousin Itt and Carol Channing and a Maltese and some cotton candy and a crimping iron and a bag full of backcombed batting and a priest into a blender and then pour the results into your freezer?

The best part, though, will be when she pulls off the wig and reveals it was Andy Kaufman all along.

[Photo: Splash]


Grammy Awards Hilarious Carpet: Charli XCX in Moschino

I’m sorry, but this is HILARIOUS to me:

Charli XCX Grammys

This is SO 80s. She’s one saxophone solo away from being the sartorial equivalent of a song that plays over the end credits of a cheesy movie wherein a girl with feathered hair and too-tight jeans with a 17 inch zipper learns to find love in the arms of a dorky kid with a riding mower. She looks like she’s on her way to a gig at the opening party of Illustra!  WHERE’S JAMES SPADER?

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]


Grammys Princely Played: Prince

Now I know what’s keeping me from being completely happy.

Prince grammys 2015

I’ve seen Prince in orange sequined pajamas. And I’ve seen the Golden Girls. But I’ve never seen Prince and ON the Golden Girls in orange sequined pajamas, and if there’s ANY way to describe this outfit, it’s That’s So Blanche.

prince grammys 2015

Oh, God, now Prince is as upset as I am. I’m sorry, Prince. Do I wish you’d reached for these stars twenty years ago? Yes. Do I blame you? I mean… not really but you probably should have known? We’ll get through this. Eventually.

[Photos: my phone]