Scrolldown Fug: Katherine Heigl

Before we begin, I have to say that Jessica and I watched One For The Money recently — we were in the mood to see a hilariously bad movie — and oh, boy, was it a mess. Not even fun-bad; just flat-out BAD, and confusing, and therefore depressing. We literally sat there in silence and then turned on Love Ranch, so we could watch Joe Pesci and Helen Mirren be a married couple running a brothel, and I’m not kidding, it was a major step up. Heigl’s accent in that movie joins the pantheon of Fake Accents That Come And Go With Reckless Abandon (see also: Jessica Alba from Honey), and none of it makes a lick of sense. Wonder if she’s missing those Grey’s Anatomy accolades right about now.

In other news, she appears slowly to be solving the conundrum that was her haircut…

… but WHAT i going on with her lower half? Those shoes are all wrong (and possibly manure-colored?). And those dishwater tights give her Muppet legs — as in, they somehow look like exactly the same color and texture as Miss Piggy’s. This is only acceptable if you actually karate-chop someone who has wronged you and/or can ride a motorcycle through a stained-glass window without sustaining a scratch.

[Photo: WENN]

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Comments (41):

  1. Dazie

    I’m so sad about “One For The Money” since I loved the book- not fine literature by any means, but a good popcorn read. I saw the preview and couldn’t bring myself to watch the movie. SADNESS.

    Also- these shoes. SADNESS.

    • Barbara

      I loved One for the Money, too, and I think it could have been a really funny movie with the right actress in the lead (Marisa Tomei in her younger days would have been perfect). When I read that Heigl had been cast as the lead I thought it was going to be a disaster – looks like I was right.
      Also a disaster: the granny hose ruining what is actually a very nice dress.

      • Dazie

        Exactly- Heigl is too pretty, too tall. I’m not sold on Marisa Tomei, but she’s closer- she’d have been a good Connie.

        Um… I have no idea who would have been a better Stephanie. Someone shorter.

        • Dazie

          I HAVE IT! JLH!

          Frizz up her hair, put her in a hockey jersey and VOILA!

        • Montréalaise

          I don’t think looks or height would be as important in casting Stephanie Plum as the ability to do slapstick comedy really well – Heigl has always struck me as being uptight and humor-challenged. I though of Tomei because of her hilarious Jersey Girl performance in the movie My Cousin Vinnie.

  2. FiestaGirl

    Every picture of K.H. shows a very shiny face, like she knows nothing about powder or doesn’t have a friend to tell her. The other thing is the lemon sucking grimace in this photo that seems to say she knows the heavy duty support hose and bad shoes are just wrong. I think the airline lost her luggage and this outfit was all she could put together. But the dress isn’t that bad.

  3. Mavis

    I was scrolling up (reverse reading the blog in chronological order) and thought, “Aw, Tori Spelling cleaned up nice!”

    • Mavis

      PS – Maybe the shoes are supposed to be bronze-like?

    • Carolina Girl

      I thought it was Tori, too! I’m not sure Katherine Heigl would be all that pleased that we made that association.

      Also, what the hell is up with those tights? She really needs to place a call to the Duchess of Cambridge to get instruction on the proper deployment of tights.

      • Lori

        neck up: Tori Spelling.

        Knees down: pregnant woman combating varicose veins

    • Donna4Eva

      I had the same thought! Her face seems… different.

  4. Mary Urech Stallings

    I irrationally still love the Heigel. And probably always will. Forgive me.

    • SelfishJean

      I feel you! I just want her to be in good movies.. scratch that, let’s settle for ‘better’ movies. The dress is nice, the tights though… wowza.

  5. Anna

    I will never be sad that One for the Money exists, though, because it brought us this:

    • Christine

      That’s is awesome, thank you! I love really bad photoshop, and when it makes fun of Katherine Heigl, how can you go wrong?

  6. Kristen from MA

    I didn’t know that tights come in ‘jaundice’ color. Ugh!

  7. mary lou bethune

    She looks great except for the jarring shoes. I love her hair.

  8. Heather

    Love Ranch is AWESOME. I will hear nothing said against Love Ranch!!! And who’s to know that Dame Helen and Joe Pesci aren’t REALLY running a brothel outside of Reno?

  9. jennifer

    That is a terrible haircolor on her as well.

  10. Laura

    I, too, enjoy the Stephanie Plum series. I always wanted a younger Sandra Bullock to play SP…Benjamin Bratt as Morelli…the Rock as Ranger…Estelle Getty as Grandma (yeah, I know she’s dead but I’m not getting my way so let me dream)…a much, much larger Wanda Sykes as Lula.
    Katherin Heigl is just…meh. I liked her in 27 Dresses. That movie was formulaic romcom and good for what it is.
    We’ll just not talk about how horribly miscast Edwards Burns was.

    This picture….suntan pantyhose? Really? And she couldn’t wash her hair for this? I’m fine with the dress.

  11. JJ

    Hmm, I liked One for the Money way more than I thought I would after seeing other comments like this one. I had no trouble following the plot, I bought the accent (and I’m from New Jersey). It wasn’t great, but it just wasn’t that bad. These tights, however, are really just that bad.

  12. Tiffany

    I was scrolling down, looking at this picture thinking “She looks great! What are they calling her fug for?”…and THEN I saw the panty hose the color of death. Wow! Why did she do that to herself????? The dress is sooooo flattering to her figure! Why?

  13. Katy

    Something’s bugging me about the fit of that dress, and I think it’s that her waist is far too cinched in by whatever foundation garment she’s wearing. It looks painful.

  14. Art Eclectic

    That’s a great dress on her, nicely cut for her figure. But those tights, WTF? Those are what girls in Northern climates wear under boots & skirts during the winter to keep their tender parts from freezing. They have no business being paired with a LBD.

  15. Ruby

    I was going to comment on how Katherine’s tights look like she’s narrowly escaped an unfortunate crotch fire, but not without first sustaining third degree burns to her legs – hence the burn stockings. But since you mentioned muppet legs, all I can see is Miss Piggy. Well said.

  16. Miss Jane

    Look, I am the queen of putting a massive hole in my good stockings while getting ready to go to an event, especially the open-toe kind because you never have a spare. And the emergency pair you get from a 7/11 on the way are never quite right. So I’m trying to assume there was a tights emergency and this was not a choice.

    But surely if I know how to improvise open-toed tights (cut off the toe seam, use emergency sewing kit to stitch between first two toes) then someone in her life should have also had the skills to avoid the nana look.

    Or, y’know, she could have put on some less hideous closed toe shoes if bare legs were somehow not an option…

  17. Vandalfan

    Make the stockings black tights and the shoes black pumps, or booties. The dress is fine for another LBD, though cups a bit too much for my taste under her hiney. The shoes might work with, maybe jeans and a jacket? Her hair looks nice to me, but not styled enough for an LBD.

  18. betty

    Sorry ladies, but I like this one! The dress is understated yet flattering, and the whole color scheme is very Ralph Lauren “Landed Gentry Country Tweed” or whatever they call that line. Hence the fitting choice of the Saddle-Tanned natural leather shoes, altho a closed toe would’ve been more in line with the season and the tights. I even like the tights within the “sporting country woman” theme. I just spent a half hour trying to find out who designed the dress or styled her, but no luck, so I’ll move on to more productive endeavors now.
    I agree with y’all that her face is unfortunately shiny and lacking in lip color.

  19. Ali Lozoff

    Whoever started the fallacy that it’s perfectly okay to wear open toed shoes with non-open-toed pantyhose needs to be stopped. This is the picture that should be used as evidence in their trial. My deepest fear is that under those closed-toe-not-quite-human-flesh-colored-tights is a French pedicure. My toes all just curled in on themselves.

  20. sarah

    do people actually wear pantyhose?
    Aside from British royalty, that is.

  21. Miss Louise

    I wonder the same thing, Sarah – at least, I wonder whether the ‘flesh’-coloured ones are worn by anyone who’s under 60 and not a member of a royal family or a former ’40s pin-up girl. ‘Muppet legs’ is absolutely the most spot-on description I’ve seen of what they do to human nether-limbs. Genius.

  22. Hima

    I really wanted to see One for the Money, because I do love the books AND they cast Daniel Sunjata as Ranger – and he’s who I have always pictured as Ranger. But when I heard how terrible it was – and it was so quickly out of the theaters, I didn’t go see it. I am sad though bc I think the Stephanie Plum books would make great movies. Or…maybe some tv movies??

    As for Katherine here, I think she looks great until the tights. Her hair is a little flat, but the dress is really flattering on her and her face is pretty. If only she hadn’t ruined it with those tights. (The shoes don’t even bother me as much).

  23. artiste

    Maybe she just had her spider veins done, no? It would explain the fugly possibly support hose. To me there is no other valid explanation for leaving the house in them.

  24. male fan of GFY

    For this ensemble, Katherine simply chose the wrong hose. They should have been more sheer — say a 15 thru 20 Den, versus what appear to be a semi-transparent 40 Den — and of a color more similar to her own natural skin tone. In just the past few days I’ve seen pics of both Paula Abdul and Taylor Momsen wearing sheer skintone hosiery that was right on the money visually — with Paula’s being nearly undetectable. Hopefully Katherine will view the pics of herself and, going forward, will pay more attention to the color and thickness of hosiery she decides to wear. This all said, please keep in mind that hosiery can look far different appearance-wise in natural lighting versus the multiple ‘flash photo’ lighting that celebs are subject to at events. In person these are perhaps more complimentary than how they appear in these pics. Still, as stated above, less thick woulda done the trick.

    • witjunkie

      I knew you’d weigh in, Male Fan! I am so glad you put the den number info…I just ran upstairs to check the hose I bought before and they are 15. (I have horrible legs! Come back hosiery please please please I love u Kate Middleton)

      Plus I think if there is a sparkly/shininess to the hose, it’s bad because light reflects and makes it obvious.

  25. mikey c.

    Back home they called her “Hose Toes”.

  26. Victoria

    Oh dear lord, no. GIRL.

    Ginnifer Goodwin would have made an outstanding Stephanie.

  27. Diana

    Doesn’t she sort of look like Tori Spelling here???

  28. Lily1214

    No – the “dishwater tights” look exactly like support stockings.