Rihanna-y Played, Rihanna

Our photo service announced this was a dress, and then I almost passed out. But it’s obviously a shirt and cut-offs, right? RIGHT? HOLD ME AND TELL ME I AM RIGHT:

I mean, Rihanna is no stranger to Fashion of the Crotchtacular sort, but even she couldn’t magick that into being anything other than a shirt. She could, however, pretty easily transform those sandal-boots (sandoots? Bootdals?) into any number of things: a pair of slingshots, a set of impromptu restraints should she need to make a citizen’s arrest, a bandage dress, a sincerely leaky canoe. That’s something.

[Photo: Splash]

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Comments (38):

  1. Sara

    I wouldn’t hate this if she was wearing some normal sandals or flats. But she wouldn’t be Rihanna if she were.

    • True_Blue

      Ah…the mummy look. I wonder how long it takes to put those on (and off)?

  2. Chris P

    Somewhere, Anne Hathaway is either cackling in glee or planning the demise of a certain Robyn Fenty. Although, I do have to give it up to RiRi – of all the shoes I’d thought I’d see twice, I never thought it’d be THOSE things. (To be honest, I thought I’d see Elle Fanning’s tongue-platforms before those again.)

    Also, it’s a fringed skirt, I think. More accurately, it’s a fringed “skirt.”

    • Goldfish

      …what if it’s a fringed SKORT. We have not seen one of those in the wild yet. This could be the day.

      • Chris P

        fringed SKORT

        Thanks. I was planning on sleeping sometime in the next century, but now that you put the prospect of THAT in my mind, I think those plans are off.

  3. Goldfish

    Last time I had Ace bandages on my legs like that, they let me go home from work early.

    • Squirrel!

      Totally Ace bandages. Accessorized with dyed-to-match plastic six-pack holders.

  4. Jen

    I think we should go with “sloots.” It rolls off the tongue, don’t you think?

    Seriously, though, those would be really useful for all sorts of things in an emergency. You can’t run away from a pack of wolves in them, no. But if you did manage to get away somehow, you could use all that leather to make a tourniquet for your leg (wolf bites), and then maybe help rig together some sort of shelter, trap food, etc.

    You might not want to make a fire, because then the smoke would give away your location to your enemies, but if you decided to take that risk I bet you could use the heel and some strips of leather against a rock. Presto!

    • Sandra

      I dunno, judging by the condition of the…..garment, shall we say?….I think the wolves might already have won this round. Also, I don’t want to live in a world where that thing counts as a skirt.

    • Tiffany

      They are like swiss army knife of shoes!

  5. Kat

    It’s absolutely beyond me how anyone could design something like these(Tom Ford you’ve got some s’plaining to do) and then someone else could decide to wear them. Is Orthopedic Chic a thing now? Do we have to brace ourselves for more cast in the same mould ?

  6. Eliza Bennett

    Sandoots! This entire outfit is something Dr. Zoe Hart would wear during a flu epidemic.

  7. Sajorina

    That is such a pretty shirt! It would look great paired with yellow skinny jeans? sky blue pencil skirt? white bootcut jeans? royal blue a-line skirt? black formal shorts? orange mini? And a cute pair of stilettos or sandals! WHY wear it with THAT?

    • Helen

      I like the shirt, too. Any of those suggestions would work with it.

      Poor shirt.

    • Tiffany

      I feel like i need you to come to my house and go through my closet with me! You sound great at putting things together, those all sound very cute!

  8. TonyG

    I actually almost like the sandal boots here. The various leather wraps around the calves I don’t mind, but the hole-y knee brace turns the look into a weird looking medical device.

  9. tigers4us

    Another primo example of how women enslave themselves with fashion.

  10. Helen

    I have just spent far too much time and effort squinting at Rihanna’s, um, lady area, and I conclude firmly that this is indeed a pair of cut-off shorts. So, at least the Naughty Bits are sorta covered. Pretty much.

    Overall, this is an excellent example of something my mother used to say when the occasion called for it, as it does now: “Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.”

  11. TereLiz

    LOL, looks like the original runway version was a dress. Mary Katrantzou. Rhianna-gized into a shirt. Those Tom Ford gladiators are even more ridiculous in buff than they are in black.

  12. Courtney

    Rihanna makes me feel really old and really tired and super cranky and sometimes I have a hard time believing she’s only a couple of years younger than me. I’m definitely having an overreaction to those sandals in the sense that they are personally offending me. But the shirt is cute!

  13. googler

    I went to the physical therapist a few months ago, and she covered my legs in tape. The end result was pretty much identical to the Sanboots. So I’m guessing Tom Ford felt inspired after getting taped up for knee issues and shin splints. It’s really the only explanation.

  14. ErinB

    Initially, I didn’t even look at the boots because I was stuck wondering if RiRi has a contract with the US Postal Service, thus explaining the massive butterfly postage stamp across her chest. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s a lovely blouse of beautiful colors, but a stamp that large would be postage to transport her wherever she’s going (without the banda-boots).

  15. Frances

    That footgear looks like something the sandpeople would wear in old Star Wars (the one I think of as the first one but I know it has a different number entirely – 4 maybe?). What was the hot planet called where Luke grew up? Perfect for prom, there.

  16. Bree

    Her shoes remind me of Band Aids. That’s never a good thing.

  17. Rachel N.

    Boondals. And they’re hideous.

  18. jean

    Other than her too dark lipstick, I sort of love the whole look. It’s very urban summer and I don’t hate the boots because the design makes them look less heavy than typical boots. Maybe it’s the Game of Thrones influence.

  19. Janiekettles

    God, just imagine how exhausting it must be to be Rhianna.

    • Helen

      Right? Being on display at all times… I realize she pursued that, but I don’t think any young person, or even an older one for that matter, can really know just what they’re getting into with fame unless/until it works. And then, if part of what you’re known for is outrageous outfits, you’re pressured to keep coming up with them, and to make sure you do get photographed in them.

      I would just stay in half the time.

  20. Eleni

    the top , by Mary Katrantzou is to die for…!

  21. Sarah

    Well that’s just awful. But let’s be honest – she always looks just awful these days. “Skank” is not a good look on anyone.

  22. Lily1214

    I think the lipstick is too dark. She looks better in a straight red.