NBC Upfugs-and-fabs

Ah, upfronts, the time of year when we say things like, “Man, NBC must regret that talent deal with Jimmy Smits, because it’s NOT HAPPENING,” and, “One Tree Hill lives AGAIN?” and “A musical starring Debra Messing? REALLY?” So really, it’s a very capsy week. Jessica and I were saying how thrilled we are that Debra “Hot Mess” Messing will be out and about now that Smash is a go, and yet, she was neither the hottest nor the messiest at the upfronts party. That honor may go to either Christina Aguilera or Katharine McPhee. Sigh. Singers, man. They always deliver.

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Comments (49):

  1. Willow

    Xtina, take the makeup gun off of the hooker setting, for the love of God woman!

    Amanda Peet’s dress is so unflattering, it makes it looks like her shoulders have fat rolls.

    Maria Bello’s outfit is cute on first glance but the jacket is just a little too old fashioned.

  2. Sarah

    I am utterly disappointed by this photo of Christina. She is horrendus looking on The Voice. Make-up caked on, boobs unwrangled, hair inexplicable, dresses way to small, by comparison, she looks almost good here.

  3. Jane

    Heather, you are on a roll with this post. Can’t stop laughting. “… it would look better coming out the ass end of a My Little Pony. ” is the funniest line I’ve read in a long while.

  4. aa

    oh my god, xtina, her hair is WAY too blonde.

  5. Willow

    Gillian Jacobs look a bit like a SWINTON in training.

    Amber Heard looks like a fashion forward cow, which I kind of love.

    How do the Community stylists manage to hide Alison rather impressive cleavage?

  6. PinkieBling

    There’s so much to love about this post, but “McPheeteaters” was my favorite.

  7. Sally

    There is only one explanation for Peter Krause’s hair to look like that and I sure hope Lauren Graham enjoyed the limo ride over.

  8. Karen

    Dear GOD, Peter Krause looks like ARTHUR GODFREY:

    Although, actually, Godfrey has better hair in that photo.


  9. TaraMisu

    “he is going up against a man whose cranial tuft could scrub your Dutch oven.” LMAO!!!

  10. Jasmine

    Ahhhhhhhhhh, that HAIR. Oh my GOD. I just literally backed away from my computer screen.

    I adore Christina’s dress so much I want to go buy it for myself, but everything else is horrible. And thank you for McPheeters, that made me laugh out loud.

  11. Katharine

    Oh, Alison Brie! That isn’t impressive cleavage, it’s just a dress that’s, like, three sizes too small in the bust and probably needs a wrangler to zip up in back. I am only a B cup, and I managed this exact look in a red cocktail dress at Value Village last week (shopping for a costume for a play). Only I didn’t BUY it, let alone take it out in public.

  12. shebrihart

    Christina looks HORRIBLE, but I MUST HAVE THAT DRESS! I also liked Maria Bello’s ensemble, but her hair is pulled back way too tight. And lastly, McPheeteaters, HA!

  13. CH

    Alison Brie does have some heirlooms (my grandmother’s euphemism for breasts). There’s actually a monkey on “Community” that’s literally named Annie’s Boobs, so it can’t be too surprising. Not loving the dress, but I prefer it to Gillian Jacobs’ ensemble.

  14. Peggy

    Xtina – close, but no cigar. You got the message about simple and classy for the dress, but it stopped at the neck.

    Zach Levi – No. Please, no. I love your cute little Chuck punim, but the faux-hawk will not be tolerated. Fans kept you in a show. Do not make us angry.

  15. Katie

    LOL “McPheeteaters” made me snorfle very loudly in the middle of our open-plan office. I’m getting looks…

    Also, I’ll take a Xtina dress and one pair of Messing shoes to go, please.

  16. Angela Brown

    I LOVE Xtina’s dress and shoes so much here. Any idea where to find the dress? Ah, who am I kidding – I’d never be able to afford whatever it is…

  17. Lynne

    Maria Bello’s ensemble is a bit too much for me. Colour is great but that’s kind of an assault on my eyes.

    And for the love of Wintour, what the hell is up with the floor length, high-wasted pants? They’re just affirming my conspiracy theory that showbiz stylists regularly band together for practical jokes against the famous and pretty. I thought the jumpsuit trend was horrible.

  18. Alayne

    Sally!! BEST comment ever! LOL!

  19. Nicole

    And that is saying something, because he is going up against a man whose cranial tuft could scrub your Dutch oven. (NOT A EUPHEMISM.)

    Very possibly my favorite sentence ever written. Thank you.

  20. witjunkie

    Holy cats, is that Anjelica Huston behind Debra Messing? In blue lycra tights?

    Xtina needs to get platinum maintenance tips from Gwen. Her hair almost always looks good; roots are always done and while it may be frizzy sometimes it never looks completely sizzled like Christina’s.

  21. Anonymous

    “McPheeteaters”…I nearly choked trying not to laugh out loud at work! My office mates probably think I am dying over here. Guess I should restrict GFY to home, but where would be the fun in that!

  22. Anon

    Poor christina – she looks ROUGH.

    Off topic, but Fug Girls, what is with the ads on your page? I have closed that little rolldown ad over and over again, does it have to reload everytime I clicked through the slideshow? I gave up after 3 slides, got sick of closing that stupid ad.

  23. Lisa

    Oh, God…I LOL-ed so hard at Peter Kraus! Seriously, thank you. That was the best giggle I’ve had all day.

  24. K.

    Christina can SANG (yes, S-A-N-G), so she’ll always have goodwill with me, but I’d bet her hair is thisshort and totally damaged from keeping it that white-blonde, and I’d like to see her repair it. (I read an interview where Gwen Stefani said she didn’t cut her hair because it just broke, and I had a friend in college who bleached her hair regularly but kept it boy short. Bleach will fuck your shit up.)

    She really does look bad on The Voice a lot of the time. I think it’s because she’s not dressing her size – she’s clearly gained some weight. She’s at a perfectly fine size but she looks like she’s still wearing her clothes from when she was 18 and teeny-tiny.

  25. vandalfan

    All I can say is the Swiss polka-dot fabric made my monitor look like an epileptic seizure.

  26. Steph

    McPheeteaters FOR THE WIN OF THE WORLD.

    Xtina suffers from J-Simp Syndrome. Gained weight over time (yet are far from “big”) but still dress in the size they were back in the day. Also, makeup guns should never be set to “whore”.

  27. Nicky

    Please please please please make the ads stop. Please. I only got as far as Debra Messing and had to stop looking because I cannot cope with the ad expanding every time I click through the slideshow. Please fug girls – I love the site and I love you both way more than anyone should love random internet bloggers, but the ads HAVE to stop.

  28. eee

    witjunkie, you’re not the only one wondering about the Anjelica Huston-esque woman behind Debra Messing. I kind of hope it IS Anjelica.

  29. Anne B

    So we’re really here, are we? In the Spring Of The Missing Feet?

    I have issues with McPhee’s Coral Pants With No Belt. Girl, the Coral Pants need at least a Loud Turquoise Belt.

    And probably the entire contents of the tequila shelf in the bar, while you’re at it.

  30. Lina

    This was hilarious – and so true. Christina looks horrible because her body has changed as she’s grown up, but her clothing style hasn’t. It’s time to graduate from the junior’s department and find some clothes that fit and flatter your new shape. Lauren Graham, meanwhile, looks like a million bucks AND like she’s managing to laugh at the whole ridiculous Up-Front spectacle.

  31. Sajorina

    I love Zachary Levi, and Chuck Bartowski for that matter, so much that I can’t FUG him… ever! And, I so would go to a “Jeffster” concert! Everyone else was a FUG for me!

  32. Mahastee

    Xtina aside – What is WITH the over-long pants lately? Elle is always so smug and annoying but those pants make me want to knock her over and drag her out by the cuffs of those damn things! Help me Angela Anaconda! She will say…

    Love Lauren Graham and so pleased that she’s moved beyong the neon satin phase.

    Also, Christina APPLEGATE seems like a classy lady, but she is living proof that ankle tattoos are a bad idea, with the potential to ruin even the cutest outfit.

  33. Chris

    Re: Xtina’s hair – The MLPs wouldn’t want it, either.

    I would have made a Friendship is Magic reference, but that would have just been too embarrassing.

  34. CJ

    Laura Benanti is lovely here and I’m so glad to be seeing more of her!!! She was AMAZING in Gypsy on Broadway playing opposite Patti LuPone. (Laura played Gypsy Rose Lee.) And to see a show with Patti LuPone and remember anyone else when Patti Force-O-Nature is on stage speaks volumes about how great a performer she is. Gorgeous, strong voice but her acting was so darn solid and specific. One of the WORST songs in musical theater is “Little Lamb” from Gypsy. I remember thinking, “Uh oh, here we go to Snoozeville,” as the musical cue began and by the time she finished singing it, I was crying. My least favorite song was absolutely haunting when she sang it. Love her.

    Also want to comment on Christina. Though this is actually an improvement over what we’ve seen from her lately, what is going on with her? I love-love-loved her Dita Von Teese-y period when she was setting her hair and wearing fabulous skirt suits and totally rocking the pin-up girl thing. I realize she has put on some weight, but she doesn’t even look like the same person. She’s sooo white blond, has such heavy makeup and seems to be dressing like …dare I say it? …Snooki.

  35. Maretha2

    Unlike just about anything I’ve ever seen her in for the past 3 years, this outfit actually fits and flatters Xtina’s figure. The dress and shoes are adorable. I hope she takes this look and runs with it for a while, because her body is fine but she keeps trying to dress it the way it looked 10 years ago. But the make-up and hair are sooooo appalling. Dare we hope that since she looks good from the neck down, maybe next she’ll tackle the neck up? She would look so much better more natural. She’s pretty and talented — it’d be nice to talk about that instead of wonder what her cosmetics and bleach budget must be.

  36. yeahandalso

    Mrs. Pete Campbell has always been booby, every comment section on anything I read about Community is filled with fan boys drooling over her goods.

  37. Softwear

    LADIES. The faux-hawk was the only thing even remotely good here. EVERYBODY ELSE LOOKS CRAY-CRAY!!! What has HAPPENED to these people? Why are they so ugly, misshapen, tacky, and poorly tailored?? Fame just is not what it used to be.

  38. anne p.

    Lady celebrities: Can we please declare a moratorium on the Nude Shoe, unless it’s the absolutely best shoe for the look?! It’s just lazy at this point, and usually takes the air out of an otherwise good ensemble. (Harrumph!)

  39. L

    I hate you just a little bit for showing me that picture of Zachary Levi.


  40. Faye

    Once again, I am amazed that so many people with extensive access to stylists manage to look so awful — at an event designed to promote their shows and careers, no less.

    I feel kind of bad for Christina Applegate, because she had a baby not long ago, and is probably still trying to lose the weight. I think that dress and belt were just a bad choice for someone in that post-baby weight transition.

    The picture of Alison Brie made me LOL — each boob looks three times the size of her leg.

  41. Miranda

    McPheeteaters slayed me.

  42. kimmy

    dear Xtina,

    1. pull a britney and just buzz your head. JUST START OVER b/c this is NOT WORKING. i swear i will not make one snarky comment about it if you really do it. ANYTHING is better than what you have now.
    2. limit your partying to just 1-2 nights a week, instead of 6-7.
    3. cut wayyyyy back on the make up.

    follow these steps and you will be adorable again.

  43. Emily

    My daughter wore the same color combination as Maria Bello today. And it was adorable. But she’s 2. I love me some bright colors, but I think for a grown-up lady (who is hot like Bello is), just one super bright color is probably enough.

  44. gryt

    “Also, her hair looks so fake that even if it’s real, it would look better coming out the ass end of a My Little Pony.”

    This has got to be among the top 10 lines ever on this website! Bwahh!!!!

  45. Ann

    Peter Krause, NO! Bad! I am rewatching Six Feet Under, and damn you were hot. Now you have mated with a Flowbee and the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. Let’s just pretend this didn’t happen.

  46. Bambi Anne Dear

    God, I’m the first one to encourage people to eat healthily but how big are Xtina’s legs?

  47. Bernd Meier

    Some people just don’t know how to step out sometimes, i.e Xtina

  48. Emily

    Alison Brie is gorgeous and i love the dress, but her boobs were a little bit too out there. Still looked pretty though, and I loved her shoes!

  49. Lis

    I have Maria Bello’s coat! It’s from Zara! It’s lovely!, she realised, eight days later…