Met Ball Fug or Fine Carpet: Gwyneth Paltrow


fug-or-fab

At least GOOP admitted she wasn’t even trying to go punk. You might ask, “Why even go then?” But you probably don’t turn down a Met Ball invitation. Especially if you’re Gwyneth Paltrow, you’ve got a movie out and a new cookbook, and you REALLY REALLY need to make up for last year’s hideous Prada apron with pockets that were constellations of horror.

In fact, even thematically, this feels like what she SHOULD have worn last year, given the Schiaparelli theme and the fact that pink was one of Elsa’s signature colors. It’s like her Step One of Fug’s Non-Anonymous was to make a visual apology for not paying any attention to the Prada until it was too late. But I’m not entirely sure this works on any other level — the cut is almost aggressively plain except for the strip of illusion netting, as if she used up all her wackadoo mojo on the Iron Man 3 events and this was all she could handle. I might have liked it better if it went bare instead of with sternum hose. And I ALSO think that, even though Gwyneth’s People Magazine Most Beautiful face is indeed great, maybe she needed something more up there than to look like she’s ditching out on the gala in ten minutes to go to the gym. Or punking out on it, I guess, which… how many times will we use THAT pun today?

What do you think?

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[Photo: Getty]

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Comments (37):

  1. Deborah Stultz
    +5

    The thing that actually annoyed me the most about this look was that the sleeves are too damn short.

    • Lindy
      +2

      They’re bracelet length sleeves. However, that length, along with 3/4 length is not flattering for us tall girls; we just look like we’ve outgrown our clothes.

      Nothing about this look works on any level.

      • Helen
        +15

        Also, if you’re going to wear bracelet sleeves, WEAR SOME DAMN BRACELETS.

  2. Maggie
    +1

    My problem with this is how unflattering it is. No one expects Gwyneth to be punky, even when the theme specifically calls for it, but the heavy fabric and aggressive seaming make her look wide. Especially broad in the shoulders. We all know that GOOP is neither of those things.

    • Lori
      +2

      I thought so too, and I firmly believe that anything that makes someone as fit as Gwyneth look wide should be burned immediately.

  3. Beth C.
    +4

    I actually really like the dress, I have no problem there, but with something cut this plain, girl needed to step up the hair and makeup. She really does look like she ran out of time so she just threw on some mascara and did the pony in the car on the way over.

  4. Carol
    +2

    If the dress were strapless and sleeveless, accessorized by a great necklace and/or bracelet(s), we would be on board. Color is great.

  5. Mongerel
    +3

    It looks perfectly tailored and has just the right amount of drama. Too bad she didn’t wear a bracelet (which those sleeves are designed for). Nevertheless, I think she looks like a million bucks here.

  6. Lori
    +6

    The least she could have done was pulled out that old McQueen dress (you know the one; the one that really needed a bra).

  7. Stefanie
    +14

    Snooze. Boring. Zzzzz. Come on Goop, you’re better than this.

    Semi OT: I think her getting People’s most beautiful award does nothing but cement the fact that celeb’s PR people get that shit for them. Goop is a lot of things but most beautiful isnt one of them.

  8. Charlotte
    +2

    Something in the way the fabric is creasing makes it look really cheap, or like it doesn’t fit her properly.

    And now that I’m examining the cut of the bodice closer, I’m pretty sure I see a nip outline. Or, at least, darts-that-mimic-nipples a la Hathaway’s Oscar dress. Which might actually be worse.

  9. MC859
    +5

    This is the same woman who showed her side-butt just last week??? I didn’t care for that dress but at least it was interesting. Clearly G is just so so tired from all the Iron Man press that she wore her fancy nightie to this party. And the rest of us fell asleep too.

  10. Esme
    +5

    Not her color, at all.

  11. Chasmosaur
    +4

    Something about this is evoking the Pepto Pink Ralph Lauren Oscar Dress. It’s a shade of pink, it looks like it should fit her well but really doesn’t, and the hair and makeup are wrong.

  12. Goldfish
    +2

    She looks like one of the one-episode villains in Dr. Who. The old series.

    She looks like a special aerobics dance version of an athletic show promoted by Rachel Ray.

    She looks like she’s trying to bring Kendo to the masses by making it fun.

    She looks like an off-brand Barbie doll called “Barbarie.”

  13. NCY
    +6

    This dress is hideous on her. It accentuates all of her body flaws: droopy shoulders, droopy boobs, lack of a waist. It even makes her look like she has a stomach pooch (which she definitely does not have). And, it hides her best feature: her legs. Somebody should be fired for this.

    • pidget
      +2

      YES! Provided she’s going to completely ignore the theme of the night, I would go for Old Star Trek Dangerous Babe vibe. To wit: whip off the sleeves (maybe keep the mini-caps for interest) , make it into a slightly looser shift shape, chop it well above the knee, updo the hair with lots of shiny ornamentation, good shoes, big earrings, stronger eye makeup, and then we’d have a Statement.

      This is boring, rumply, and doesn’t fit well. Hiding under a bushel, indeed.

    • Helen
      +2

      I really don’t get it about her legs. “Fit” and “beautiful” are not necessarily synonymous, and they’re definitely not in her case.

      But the dress is extremely ill-fitting and unflattering, I completely agree there.

  14. Kat
    +4

    This would have been cool if she had some printing on the skirt, something like: ‘Been there, done that, see Oscars 2002′.

  15. Andrew S.
    +2

    Funny enough, that oscar(?) nightmare she wore a few years ago would’ve been PERFECT for this event. I wonder if she still has that dress

  16. Helen
    +2

    Everything about this is awful, and it also makes her look so anemic I’d be worried if I liked anything about her.

  17. Anne
    +2

    I can’t explain why but I love this. Maybe it’s because we just saw a lot of royal panache at the Dutch queen’s abdication party, and this looks like GOOP is the Queen of Planet Zygor6€x attending the event specifically to find a mate. Whose head she might bite off after the sex act, but in a regal way, with handmaidens.

    Or maybe I love it beause it looks strangely like someone accidentally started to erase the dress in Photoshop.

    I don’t know. Gwyneth is the opposite of a fluffy kitten with big eyes… And I like to see her cutting a bold, GOOPy path in the world.

    Really, I do like this. It might be my favorite thing she’s worn in years. Literally, years.

    • Chasmosaur
      0

      I don’t actually dislike the dress – the color is great, that’s a nice use of sheer (if you have to use sheer) – and it suits her general concept of simple lines to show off her killer bod.

      But it’s not tailored well. It shouldn’t be wrinkling around her torso (can’t do anything about elbow wrinkles, unless you plan to be straight armed all night, which makes it hard to drink ;) ), and the sleeve length should go down to the wrist – where it is now, it’s distractingly just-short-of-the-wrist. It is not flattering to her incredibly toned figure (though at least she could probably eat, I’ll give her that). But with the correct nips and tucks, it totally would be.

      I also think it would have been cooler without the train – a column is better with a color this bold. Otherwise it just starts to veer into Prom.

  18. TonyG
    +1

    I actually think this look has a whisper of punk-i-tude despite its formal cut. The fit at the top along with the illusion netting strip makes it looks at if the top portion above her sternum could be painted on, which would definitely be punk.

  19. kiki
    +1

    although definitely not a punk dress. the color and the nude strip made me think of the Never Mind the Bullocks album cover. Which is super punk. and which makes this dress genius.

    • Helen
      +2

      >>Never Mind the Bullocks…

      The animals, or the family of actress Sandra? I don’t mind the family, heck, I don’t even know them, but I think it’s probably a pretty good idea to mind bullocks. They can be dangerous if disturbed. Especially if a herd of them is stampeding! ;-)

  20. Laura
    +6

    I don’t get it. She has no problem showing up half-naked and in black leather to other events, but the one time it specifically says on the invite “punk”, she shows up in a pink bedspread? It just seems kind….RUDE to me, the number of people who made no effort at all to meet the theme. Like just showing up at someone’s elaborately arranged masquerade birthday party in a pair of jeans and a tee.

  21. Sajorina
    +1

    I love it, just NOT for this occasion! It would’ve been great in any other red carpet situation, but for the “Punk” Met Gala, it missed the mark! Her face looks great and the dress is pretty, though, especially that AMAZING pink color!

  22. mepe
    +2

    I have to agree! My first thought when I saw this dress was that it would have been SO perfect for the Schiaparelli event! But at the Punk event it looks like she’s just too cool to care about dressing for the theme…but I guess that actually is kind of punk. Damn you GOOP!

  23. lola
    +3

    I think that Gwenny is shaped like a walking stick and so most of her clothing choices are about the architecture of the garment. She’s a human hanger. Maybe in her mind this had a really bold simplicity in the power pink length?? But The nude band around her chest is distracting (isn’t nearly as effective at creating interest as the last dress she wore which showed her naked sides) and I wish the whole thing had been more streamlined and more fitted.

  24. Helen
    +2

    HOW RUDE.

    ‘I’m never going again,’ USA Today quotes her saying. ‘It was so un-fun. It was boiling. It was too crowded. I did not enjoy it at all.’

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2322013/No-Vogue-covers-Gwyneth-Paltrow-brands-Anna-Wintours-Met-Ball-boiling-unfun-says-shell-NEVER-again.html

    Ya know, Paltrow… part of the point of a social event is for guests to MAKE it fun by being, y’know, sociable. And you might not have been so overheated had you worn something suitable. Like, in keeping with the theme. You also could have simply left early if you were having a terrible time! But worst is that now you’re slamming the hostess and the event on the next day, when there’s nothing anyone can do about it.

    It’s a basic tenet of the most basic manners: You don’t correct people on things they can’t fix at the time. Tell a friend it’s too hot when you’re at her party, by all means! She can turn down the heat (or, in this case, have someone turn it down). But the next day, she can’t do a darned thing, and it’s just pointlessly mean.

  25. Lily1214
    0

    I’m pretty sure no one could look good in this. She and it don’t go together.