Letter of Truth, Part NOVEL


Hey y’aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall!

Are any of y’all even watching X-Files? I am not. I have to sit there alllllll day and people are just singing singing singing and it is boooooooring. The only thing even keeping me awake is that Kanye West might show up to visit Kim and a duet might break out and that would be really good for my career. You guys, think about it: what if Kanye West shows up at my job one night and looks at me and falls in love and we run off together? Life and Style would finally start returning my calls. ANYHOOZLE, I’m sure you’re wondering why I look so serious and somber and why I’m wearing a dress made of the remnants of Contempto Casual’s 1997 Holiday Collection and it is because I AM TO BE AN AUTHOR and authors always wear black because that’s how you know they’re having serious thoughts about adjectives and stuff. I decided I am going to call the book Lucky because it’s the story of a girl named Lucky (Lucky is me) and obviously she cries cries cries etc. I still need to figure out all the stuff in the middle that happens but obviously obviously at the end she either marries or murders “Jason,” this horrible horrible person with ridiculous hair who sings in a dumb band with a bunch of other dumb guys, except for Lance, who is totally nice and who ALSO didn’t get invited to Justin’s wedding and we decided yesterday we might be burn down his house. I mean, in the book we might burn down his house. Jason’s house. I have to go now.

LOVE,

BRITNEY!

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Comments (23):

  1. Lucille Austero
    0

    That’s how you know they’re having serious thoughts about adjectives and stuff. Best line ever.

    • aeb
      0

      i was thinking this might be : “I decided I am going to call the book Lucky because it’s the story of a girl named Lucky (Lucky is me) and obviously she cries cries cries etc.”

      but we can call it a tie. good work, jessica.

    • jerkygirl
      0

      I know, I’m LMBO over that one. I want to have serious thoughts about adjectives and stuff too. :D

  2. CranAppleSnapple
    0

    I so look forward to your Letters of Truth! I want to compile them all into a book!

  3. marie
    0

    is Britbrit Herve Leger’s official endorser? i mean, when she’s not wearing Herve Leger bandage dresses, she’s wearing Herve Leger sandals!

  4. glee
    0

    The shoes are cute (the gold detail is very nice!), the dress is a NO, and she looks tired – however, her bod is banging!

  5. Chrissy
    0

    I don’t mind the coffin lining bottom – really, I’ve always kinda liked the coffin lining look. But the top is doing her chest no favors.

  6. Sajorina
    0

    OMG, I can’t stand her and her support-less boobs, but I love “Letters of Truth”!

  7. Helen
    0

    “I mean, in the book we might burn down his house. Jason’s house. I have to go now.” Heh.

    As a whole, Britney looks cute here (and seasonally appropriate, which I appreciate), but she does still need to learn not to fear cutting hair extensions, and that it’s well past time to Look Into Bras.

  8. Mara
    0

    Did you see her in Ellen? She looked amazing while trying to learn Gangnam Style :)

  9. ChristieLea
    0

    Now I’m just sad. I seriously thought this was a random 40-year-old Real Housewife Of Wherever at first. Britney looks so worn out.

    • Scouse Helen
      0

      She used to be gorgeous, didn’t she? Somebody once told me that the people who were the heart throbs at school don’t age so well. I hope Britney isn’t the proof of the pudding.

      • Esme
        0

        IDK, I still think she’s very pretty, but a bra and some minimal styling would do wonders.

  10. cathy
    0

    when you start to look like pam anderson it’s time to reconsider your life

  11. male fan of GFY
    0

    Zoom in on her feet… her left ankle has a huge scab on it, and her toenails look as if they’ve been bitten…. she’s a mess….

  12. Sarah O
    0

    She’s a pretty gal but I feel like she always dresses trailer trashy. Can’t she get a stylist or something?

  13. Megan
    0

    Aw, girlfriend looks tired here. I hope she gets a break and soon.

    I LOVE the letters of truth, though, and I can totally see Britney still being good friends with Lance, if only so she can still keep tabs on Justin.

  14. krista
    0

    why is she ALWAYS clenching her knees?

    • Helen
      0

      I think because they hurt. She’s had surgery on one knee, and I swear I think I remember the other also being injured more than once some years back. Pity; she was a brilliant dancer.

  15. Esme
    0

    Wow! That is one gigantic bunch of FUG!