The pattern here might not be that bad.

It’s just… plentiful. With a dowdy cut. And then accented by tie-dye, as if someone ran up to her pell-mell and screamed, “YOUR PATTERN IS SATAN’S POTHOLDER,” and ripped a piece of it off to reveal some color-coordinated Spanx. Also, add Satan’s Potholder to my list of band names, please. It’s getting long, so I’ve got to start forming some of them soon, so that I can quit them and form all the other ones before I adjourn to my table in Hell.

[Photo: Getty]