Golden Globes Fug Carpet: Zoe Saldana

This one is such a head-scratcher that we’re at dandruff-warning Defcon 1.

Clearly Cinderella’s mice have been hitting the absinthe again.

The best part is that on the red carpet, she somewhat self-aggrandizingly noted that Prabal Gurung made this and told her that “only Zoe could wear it,” and while I am sure it’s difficult on the ego to turn down a dress that the designer thinks is a cherished and magical personal gift, I choose to interpret her comments as, “You guys, I was backed into a corner, WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO?” I think I speak for us all when I say the answer is, “Spill water on it and then tell him somebody’s assistant was fired for clumsiness.”

Here is the back:

At first I thought this was a crazy Satanic tongue, and in fact it still might be, but I also can’t help wondering if the back someday might have found a less haphazard, drunken front to give it meaning. Oh well. Pass the sugar spoon, rodents. Maybe this thing makes sense where you are.

[Photos: Getty]

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Comments (70):

  1. Alicia

    The word “overdesigned” leaps to mind. I love black and pink as a combination and I don’t even mind the Satanic/satinic tongue at the back but I do mind the bedazzled claw marks at the crotch and all the lace. Was she molested by a very fabulous tiger?

  2. Anita

    Thank you for showing the back of this. Upon seeing the front, I was convinced there’d be an actual kitchen sink back there.

    Advice to designers: If you have 100 ideas, leave at least 97 or 98 on the drawing board for next time.

    • Bambi Anne Dear

      Indeed, thanks for the shot of the back so we can see that the two either side of her committed a few fashion crimes. BTW, I don’t think Zoe’s dress is that bad, but her stance is doing it no favours.

      • Shannon

        Right? She and ScarJo are the most egregious pigeon-toe posers EVER. Drives me nuts.

  3. gayle

    I do not think I have ever been so confused by a dress before, I just do not understand what I am supposed to be seeing.

    • Jen S. 2.0

      Agree. Upon viewing this picture, I actually said out loud to no one, “I…what? No. Huh?”

  4. ^_^

    I like it, it’s unusual and she looks very cute!

  5. Rachael

    Oh my. Talk about overwrought. I also question how she sat, if it looks this slim fitting while she’s standing up. I can’t imagine she had a comfortable evening. Though, I admit, I do kind of like the back.

  6. Kathleen

    At least the back of her dress looks better than the back of the ‘outfit’ to her left.

  7. Krissa

    I think my favorite bits of designery-fuckery are the triangular bits at the top of the corset, above the arm strap/metallic band, because they look like cat ears perched on her boobs. Suddenly, if you think of them as cat ears, the whole dress gets, well, actually, it gets even more weird.

  8. Jenz

    I think without the lace/tulle/stopwiththesheeralreadywtfgirlnexttozoehoneyNO, this would have been alright. Actually, I would have make the back all black and left the netting there but the front would have stayed all dress.

  9. Adriana

    This is Pretty in Stink.

  10. gladly

    I took her comments the same way! I don’t think she ever said that she liked the dress; only that she was flattered to be his muse. I feel like I heard a million other designers taking notes about how to strong-arm attractive stars into wearing their craziest dresses.

  11. cynicalsmirk

    I actually don’t hate the back. The shoes look very elegant – but please, ladies – cut it out with the pigeon-toed stance already!

    •  JustJess

      Ordinarily I’d agree, but for some reason the stance here reads more like “er, I’m not totally sure about this, guys” than any attempt at being ‘fashionable’. She just looks so uncomfortable and mildly cringe-y – not the usual confident Zoe we see in pictures.

      Then again, what do I know? :P

  12. Bella

    Spilling water is not sufficient – lighter fluid would be better.

  13. Stefanie

    This is terrible. I absolutely think she wasn’t a fan either. Zoe trends to pull wacky stuff off because she has a confidence about her. Not this time.

  14. la di da

    It is just so befuddling. The top looks like a cat wearing a very fancy headband. The bottom looks like a major hodge-podge, like there was only a teeny bit of each fabric so they fused it all together. Just so odd…

  15. Victoria


  16. Krissa

    I think my favorite bits of designery-f*kery are the triangular bits at the top of the corset, above the arm strap/metallic band, because they look like cat ears perched on her boobs. Suddenly, if you think of them as cat ears, the whole dress gets, well, actually, it gets even more weird.

  17. Tina

    It looks totally cheap — like she bought it at some knockoff store or F21.

  18. AJ

    I was ready to vote this The Official Worst of the night, but the fact that she gave us a read-between-the-lines-not-loving-this-dress comment gives me sympathy. For some reason I’m more inclined to vote worst dressed when I think the wearer wanted/liked the dress in question.

  19. Allison

    I don’t hate this. Can I not hate it? Maybe I just love her too much.

  20. greatwhitenorthchick

    This comes a close second for worst of the night….right behind Paula Patton.

  21. Sara

    I simply do not lile this designer. Every singleitem he has designed worn by a star this awards season has been fugly beyond belief. This is like the grand finale fugly. Poor Saldana.

  22. Marie

    This is the 2014 version of Molly Ringwald’s pink prom dress.

  23.  Jan

    Such a shame. She’s so lovely and what a wonderful figure. The first thing I thought was – did they have to replace the zipper last minute and couldn’t find a black one? It looks like the dress is too small and pulling apart at the zipper (which is crazy on such a tiny woman). A design feature should never look like the dress is splitting at the seams…

  24. Esther Zeigler Burns

    Odd…. it looks like three separate dress components ended up at the sewing machine at the same time and no one checked to make they went together. It’s creates so much visual anxiety!

    • Melinda

      “Visual anxiety” is the perfect way to describe it – I feel stressed out just looking at that dress! (She, as always, is lovely, though.)

  25. Lisa Schweitzer

    There is nothing I don’t hate about this dress.

  26. Shannon

    I’m more concerned about WTHH the woman on her left is wearing…

  27. leona
  28. leona
  29. Cat

    The back is much better than the front, that’s for sure. There’s just way too much going on– it needed to dialed down from 11.

    • Melinda

      I think it needed to be dialed down TO 11. :)

    • Jen S. 2.0

      The back is better than the front almost by definition, because there’s no way it could be worse without actually being on fire.

  30. Crystal

    Second week of January, and we already know what the worst dress of all 2014 is.

  31. Sajorina

    I don’t have a problem with the top, even though is totally 80s PROM! My problem is with everything that’s going on from the waist down… front & back! And that lipstick doesn’t go with that outfit! FUG!

  32. Julia

    The Joan Rangers are going to have a field day with this convoluted mess.

  33. Aundrea Johnson Crum

    I am so happy you hear you say this dress is fugly!!!!

  34. The City Dweller

    Honestly, I think she looks fantastic. I might be blinded by her beauty, figure, and fab skin, though. OK, the dress on it’s own might not be a slam dunk. I guess what I’m saying is, I think she sells it. No wait, looking back at it again, I actually do love it. I’m weird like that, maybe.

  35. susie

    Just when I was fretting over my career prospects, I realized that someone made a lot of money by designing that dress and then someone else got paid a lot of money to select it for Zoey. Stupid me! Why did I go to grad school?

  36. milaxx

    There were a few dresses that looked okay from the waist up last night. Zoe’s just happened to be the worst of the lot.

  37. TonyG

    The front looks like it’s decorated by those “edgy” bows people put on wrapped Christmas gifts.

  38. Lori

    From the back, at first it looked like a pink satin capri jumpsuit. I nearly fainted.

  39.  HelenBackAgain

    I think I like the back. What if the front matched, and no lace? It might be a pretty great, dramatic dress. An entirely different garment from this one, but I think it could be good.

  40. Diana

    So, I have a serious question. What exactly does a designer stand to gain from forcing a starlet to wear a crackpot dress? If I were the kind of person who could afford designer clothes (which I am very much not), I would never look at this outfit and decide that I needed to go shop at this particular designer’s store. Fictional rich Diana would definitely be spending today at Ralph Lauren, Andrew Gn, and Gucci (based on Lupita Nyong’o, Julianna Marguiles, and Olivia Widle’s outfits), but would stay very far away from Prabal Gurung, Stephanie Rolland (Paule Patton), and Dior (poor Jennifer Lawrence). Maybe it’s because I don’t work in fashion, but I don’t understand why designers feel the need to dress starlets in outfits that are so unfortunate.

    • TonyG

      Ego. That’s the only answer I can come up with. Inside their own head, they believe there is something earth-shatteringly “new,” “edgy,” “different.” It may be all those things (or not), but it still does not make it fab.

  41. KirstyK

    I also think she looks cute and ask if I’m allowed not to hate this. It could do with a few tweaks but at least it isn’t blah. Points for being interesting and not wearing. Fishtail/Ange leg as per most people do at these things. I would totally wear this and have fun with it and IN FACT I thinks the back stinks compared to the front. So there.

  42. Sharon

    The only thing as bad as the front of her dress is the back of the dress of that gal in sheer black standing to her left in that rear view photo.
    Horrible fit, zipper looks like someone from Home Ec stitched it in, that hideous white slip thing, and those clod hopper shows.
    Who IS that unfortunate human????

    • Rozz

      Yes–whatever possessed that unfortunate creature to think that dress called for a short white slip and booties?!

  43. Aberdale

    I think if the black section ran uninterrupted to the existing hemline with the little star burst accents and keep the back as is. That would be enough unusual ideas for Zoe to carry off with her usual aplomb. (quick pause to savour the word aplomb)
    The lace and the cat scratches at the crotch have just pushed it over the edge into ‘come on we’re just being silly now’

  44. Lexi

    It looks like what happened was the designer ran out of black fabric satin and the top front half was already made, so he added pink satin, of which had far less of than he originally thought. The bottom looks decidedly like a “make do with what you’ve got left over in your fabric box.”

  45. tigers4us

    If that’s her stylist to Zoe’s left (in the rearview pic), FIRE HER!

  46. Bella

    I love this dress and I may be the only one. I think its fab. And stop w the pigeon toed stance. Horrid.

  47. Nicola

    It appears to be something a 12 year old home economics student might make for their first sewing project, they would score a D minus!

  48. Jax

    I think the dress is far from perfect, but it’s charming and whimsical. And maybe she’s selling/feeling it from her expression.

    •  HelenBackAgain

      You know, yeah, if nothing else, I’ve gotta give it that – it looked like Saldana was having fun wearing it!

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