Fuggy, Fuggy, Fuggy, OOOOH


New theory: All of North America massively overreacted to Justin Bieber, and now everybody is too proud to admit that THIS IS ABSURD, AND OH MY GOD.

Jessica is going to be very upset that her alma mater got dragged into this. The crotch fits, but dear god, somebody please save the animals on his groin. I mean, has anyone in the world who has tried SO HARD actually had LESS natural swagger than this kid? I’m curious to  know who or what he would be if he weren’t so busy trying to be LL Cool J.

[Photo: Getty]

 

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Comments (58):

  1. Laura V
    0

    the first rule of LL Cool J is that only LL Cool J is LL Cool J.

  2. Tiffany
    0

    “has anyone in the world who has tried SO HARD actually had LESS natural swagger than this kid”

    That pretty much sums it all up.

  3. glee
    0

    He has a Swagger Coach. Like a person who trains him to be cool. That person needs to be fired because s/he is failing in that job.

    • mary lou bethune
      0

      THat is a joke, right? Swagger coaches do not exist because that would be utterly counter to actually being cool. RIGHT? If a bigger contrast of terms exists, I do not want to know it.
      He is so absurd and has so little talent. When my son dressed up like a disco dancer at age 6 he was more convincing and he wasn’t all that convincing because he was a small boy – like this small boy.

      • Corriner
        0

        I disagree completely about his lack of talent, and I am definitely not a Beiber fan.
        If you’ve ever heard this kid sing something acoustically or play drums or various other instruments, you can’t deny he is very talented indeed.

        AND THAT IS WHAT MAKES THIS SO TERRIBLE!

        He is literally on a crusade to make people think he is awful. And this outfit, this outfit is THE DEFINITION of awful. He really does need to reevaluate the whole ‘Swagger Coach’ ridiculousness… anyone who lets you step out of the house like this is not on your team.

  4. Chasmosaur
    0

    Are we sure the crotch fits? Maybe he’s using the animals to hide a less aggressively dropped crotch…because you know, what’s the point of wearing pants that fit?

    • TonyG
      0

      For sure, the pants don’t fit. Look at all that wrinkled cloth stuck in his sneakers.

  5. S
    0

    I truly truly truly do not understand him. He is a tiny, perfect skinned prepubescent girl.

  6. Seamyst
    0

    Yeah… there’s no way in hell I’m zooming in on his crotch, but I’m pretty sure those pants are still baggy – just less so.

  7. Carol
    0

    Photos like this just make me laugh … no way is he bad … no street cred … lame.

  8. pourgirl
    0

    Why are his tweezed eyebrows always raised? I don’t know why that makes me crazy, but it does.

  9. Sandra
    0

    That is a long tee shirt sticking out from the hem of his hoodie, right? Please tell he isn’t wearing short shorts emblazoned with a poor innocent baby harp seal over the jeans that clearly belong to someone seven feet taller.

    Also, not that anybody takes him seriously anyway, but it’s damned hard to swagger when you’re wearing a cute baby animal on your package. This is the one and only little harp seal that ought to be clubbed.

  10. Pen
    0

    Is he – no, he probably isn’t wearing a hard hat, building-site style, but… nah, I don’t want to stare at it any more.

  11. theotherjennifer
    0

    that looks like a UCLA hard hat. on an asshat.

    • Jessica
      0

      It’s not a hard hat, it’s a baseball cap that hasn’t been creased or beat up in anyway. You know how some kids don’t crease the bill of their caps? That’s what’s happening. I actually have that hat, but with the colors reversed (the cap is blue and the logo is yellow, which is, by the way, the correct way). I also am HORRIFIED THAT MY BRUINS HAVE BEEN DRAGGED INTO THIS.

      • Debbie
        0

        I think it’s that the hat is also too large and look like it’s sitting too high or something that gives it the hard hat effect. The yellow is certainly helping.

        • Kat
          0

          Yes. That’s the way my grandad wears HIS baseball hat when he’s using his riding lawn mower. Let that sink in.

      • Rebecca
        0

        Yes, the “kids today” call those kinds of hats ‘snapbacks’ I guess…and I sadly only know this because I’m a One Direction fan and those kids wear them. They can be kind of cute if worn right and actually on the head or backwards…instead of delicately placed on top of the head like a crown like he’s wearing it here.

      • theotherjennifer
        0

        on him it looks like Bob the Builder gone bad. probably looks ok on someone without a pompadour.

  12. lakin
    0

    curious to know who/what he would be if he weren’t so busy trying to be LL Cool J …
    He would be a senior in high school at band practice.

    • anny
      0

      ***With perfect skin and impeccable brows*** let’s not forget.

      • Katharine
        0

        He would be a nice Christian senior from a small Ontario town.

        That right there explains everything that is going so wrong here.

    • theotherjennifer
      0

      but he would get beat up a lot in the back of the bus.

  13. Deanna
    0

    I keep waiting for someone to instruct him to bulk up a little. When he was genuinely a kid, it was sort of cute that drowing in his grown-up clothes, but now he just looks like a dumbass.

    • Scanderoon
      0

      I’m guessing that he’s probably trying to bulk up. I know a few photos here on GFY have shown him in ridiculous tank tops that show that he has a little arm muscle, but not nearly enough to pull off the things he wears. I wonder if those hormones will ever really kick in, or if he’s destined to be a weedy little guy forever.

  14. witjunkie
    0

    I am so, so glad I have boys who openly share, if not exceed, my nausea of this prat. If I had girls, I just could. not. even.deal.

  15. Fifie
    0

    His legs are so short he looks about 4’5″. Also, in related news TMZ has an item about a stalker who was going to castrate him. What pray sir, were you exactly expecting to cut off? I’d say there’s nothing there to begin with.

    • I.K.
      0

      Just gonna quote some random wise person on the internet here:
      “Justin bieber? ha, more like JUSTINE bieber. You see, the joke is that Justin Bieber does not fit the patriarchy’s narrow definition of masculinity, and is therefore a woman, which is a bad thing, because women are Bad”

      I do too think his clothes are ridiculous, and my impression of his personality isn’t exactly stellar either, but I’m pretty tired of people mocking him with “HE LOOKS LIKE/HE IS A GIRL LOL”.

      • Shanti
        0

        Actually, for me, the joke is that he is trying desperately to fit into a definition of masculinity that he patently does not fit. Yes, I make jokes that he looks like a girl. But I don’t make them because girls are bad – I make them because his efforts to make himself look traditionally macho have the exact opposite effect.

        If he embraced his androgyny, or proudly created his own definition of masculine — one that worked with his appearance, instead of against it the way his current “style” does — I would be applauding him instead of snickering, and I bet there’d be a lot fewer “looks like a girl” jokes overall.

        • I.K.
          0

          Well, I agree with you on the embracing it part :) Sorry for jumping to conclusions, I’ve just seen that attitude so much towards him and it’s getting a bit tiring.

        • Tamburlaine
          0

          So true. Bieber should maybe take style tips from 70s-era Bowie on how to do the androgyny bit (though Bowie managed to look sexy, too – not sure if Bieber can manage that yet).

  16. kscoaster
    0

    I was so confused at first, thinking “Didn’t they just post this pic the other day?” He really should consider putting out a Mockable-Outfit-A-Day calendar for 2013…

  17. Esme
    0

    Ha ha ha ha! He is like who the writers of the Brady Bunch would think of as a cool friend of Peter’s. Ten years from now, a bunch of 20-something females will be sooo cringing (deservedly).

  18. Kris M
    0

    The weird thing now is that he’s 18 and that seems to OLD to be dressing like this and pretending you’re a gangster.

  19. cc
    0

    He’s like the living embodiment of the word ‘contrived’. Someone puts Biebsy in the dictionary!

  20. Ladyblahblah
    0

    I want a time machine to send this kid to Compton in 1988.

  21. Lsamsa
    0

    He would be walking the halls of his high school…thinking he’s cool…never hearing the snickers from his classmates who are perhaps cool…or the ones who don’t care about being cool.
    He would be walking down the street never seeing the stares from adults…wtf is up with that baseball cap…didn’t anyone ever teach you how to ‘break a cap in’?!
    Now if you’re Canadian, as I am…you most likely shop at a Shoppers Drug Mart…somewhere…they’re everywhere.
    Ah, there would be Justin…life-size…waiting to ‘greet you’ as you enter the store to the cosmetics department.
    Second year in a row being creeped out by that ‘thinking someone is watching me’ cardboard cutout…first year, purple sneakers….this year, gold sneakers. Sneakers & fragrance…hmmm.
    Yes, I work at one of those stores…an amazing phenomenon…all sorts of people wanting to have their picture taken w/Justin….most for a lark.
    Love the little kids coming in exclaiming…Look, there’s Justin Beaver!!
    Then there were the thefts of Justin!
    How the hell did they walk out of the store with a life-size Justin under their arm?
    Don’t know…but I tell you…more power to them…buh bye!!

  22. ChristieLea
    0

    DEAR GOD, it just occurred to me that the kittycats on his t-shirt , given their proximity to his crotch, are supposed to be a reference to ladyparts. AND NOW I CAN’T UNSEE IT.

  23. 7Kellx
    0

    He’s like the real life personification of The Offspring’s Pretty Fly for a White Guy…

  24. Vandalfan
    0

    Methinks most are a bit too tough on this kid. He’s all product, all manufactured, and he’s just doing what his owners tell him to do. When he stops bringing in the pre-teen cash, they’ll release him and he can just play drums and maybe become a real musician in a real band.

  25. TonyG
    0

    I could live off of this kid’s sneakers budget. The only thing he kind of gets right most of the time is his athletic shoe choice, which is totally appropriate both for his age and his performance persona.

  26. Fever
    0

    He disgusts me.

  27. Sajorina
    0

    There is a cat on her groin! I REFUSE to even DEAL with THIS! FUG YOU, Bietchber!

  28. Mouse
    0

    I remember when I was younger, spending hours and hours and hours bending and crafting the perfect brim on my ballcaps until they perfectly framed my face.

    I just can’t with this “trend” of oversized hats with the flat duck brims. I just can’t.

  29. gryt
    0

    That looks like a hardhat. Did he just come from a construction site?
    Man, this kid is embarrassing.

  30. cynicalsmirk
    0

    It’s often commented that Canadians are very polite. And so, as a Canadian, I feel it necessary to send out a huge “I’m very sorry about this” to all of humanity in regards to everything about Justin Bieber. Ugh. This kid. He’s just so cringe-worthy. Nauseatingly loaded, but cringe-worthy.

  31. Alicia
    0

    Hah, its like someone said to him, you know what will really do it for those twelve year old girls, if you wear a shirt with adorable kittens and puppies. So weird.

  32. Rachael
    0

    He’s trying so hard, but the harder he tries to look bad, the more foolish he looks.

  33. mony
    0

    Lord, this dude has on a kitty cat shirt on. KITTY CATS. ON A SHIRT. First I thought they where polar bears, but I thought naw—usher wouldn’t let him go out like that.

  34. mrbruno
    0

    Fashion advise for Bieber – buy a full length mirror AND USE IT!!!