I’m old, and here’s how I know it:

I had NO IDEA who this girl, Daniella Monet, is — despite the fact that she’s been in a ton of teeny-bopper TV stuff — and I was totally confused when the dude was IDed as “Drake,” because when I think of “Drake,” I first think of the singer/former Degrassi star, and then maybe The Drake of Seinfeld lore. Anyway, this is Drake Bell, who has been in literally everything on Nickelodeon and has three albums out, and apparently the two of them could run me over with a truck and I wouldn’t be able to rat them out to the coppers. I’d have to tell the police that was I menaced by some cute anonymous girl who should maybe try harder at official Press Events and a dude who has a very specific and unusual mental disorder wherein he thinks he’s one of the Oneders. So what I’m saying is, you two, if you’re thinking about a crime spree when you’re done promoting this movie you’re in together, start at my house.

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