Fug Genius

I do not know what the deal is with Val Kilmer lately:

But I DO wish he had a blog. He could call it, like, “Val KilMIRACLES” and it would just be, like, a recounting of thoughts and stuff he did. For example, “Tuesday night: went to some Chanel party with a bunch of yahoos. Wore my hat again. People seem to like it. They keep staring at me. If they stare too long, I just walk up to them and say, ‘Iceman knows what you did,’ and then leave. Sometimes I just walk home and leave my car at the valet for three weeks. Do you ever think about how much you like cheese? I do. Love, Val Kilmer.” Someone get on this.

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Comments (39):

  1. Leah

    Iceman flies ice-cold, no mistakes!

  2. Adriele

    OMG Jessica, that is the most hilarious thing I’ve seen in a while. I just snorted out loud reading that. “Iceman knows what you did…” PRICELESS.

    • Alle C. Hall

      Agreed. Priceless. Cheese is also priceless.

      There have always been rumors about The Iceman’s orientation. This photo solves it, i think. Good for him for (possibly) coming out and doing tiny theater in the sticks. If he had to hide himself behind a Het-Boy image in order to succeed, well, GOOD FOR HIM for finding a way, now, to enjoy who he is and indulge in great small projects

      Did you catch him and Downy JR. in “Kiss Kiss Bang Bang”? Was about the funniest thing since Jessica’s post.

  3. cathy

    that blog… i need it in my life *_*

  4. val.

    I totally did not recognize that picture as Val Kilmer.

  5. Gigi

    The Iceman Cometh! And when he does, he’ll look like the father in Mary Poppins.

  6. Anna Svahn

    Oh dear. Remember when he was seriously hot?

    • Frances

      Exactly what I was going to write. Remember Real Genius?

      • Ruth

        Oh, yes. I remember Real Genius. That movie and Top Secret showcase his past hotness.

      • M.Amanda

        Yes. So hot in Real Genius. In the feed I first thought it was Warren Beatty.

        Speaking of Real Genius, just today I almost laughed maniacally, stopped abruptly, then told my coworker, “Now you try.” Fortunately, I realized in time she wouldn’t get it and I’d just look crazy. People should really introduce themselves to me with the information of just which movies’ quotes they will recognize.

    • Annie

      Yeah – remember when he was Jim Morrison? *SWOON*

  7. Christian

    I DO think about how much I love cheese. Thanks Val.

  8. CJ

    Have you ever heard the commentary for “Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang”? This guy has a GREAT sense of humor and is wickedly witty. I don’t think he takes himself too seriously. I think he looks fun and kind of dapper and I’m guessing that was his intention.

    • Tana

      I think a large part of his career downfall was that he did take himself too seriously. No one wanted to work with him.

  9. What what

    This is kind of random, but I actually think he’s turning into Van Morrison. Look: ehttp://bit.ly/Im8oyV

    • What what

      Rrrr, look: http://bit.ly/Im8oyV

    • jean

      Nope. Beau Bridges! The OTHER Bridge. Sigh. I can hope for a comeback a la Alec Baldwin, right? Because you millennials on this site, Val was HOT. Stunningly, outrageously hot. Rent Real Genius and you’ll understand how painful this is for your elders. Imagine …Robert Pattison gone to seed and that’s how unthinkable this was back in the 1980s.

      But he does seem happy.

  10. Emi!y

    This is what Val Kilmer is doing now: bringing a one-man Mark Twain show called “Citizen Twain” to William Woods University in Fulton, MO: http://www.williamwoods.edu/news/detail.asp?ID=3306

    For. Real.

    I would go, but I just can’t get myself to pay $50 for it, no matter how much I loved him in Willow.

    • Emi!y

      Also, there is singing. He sings about the life of Mark Twain as Mark Twain.

    • Other Emily

      Oh, Madmartigan. I love that movie. I still think he’s hot. And he’s hilarious. And agree with above poster, it really embarrasses me when I quote movies and tv that only a very small set of people will recognize. I do it a lot, too. Mainly from Kids in the Hall, but there are a lot of others. It’s a sad statement about what I do in my free time, I’m afraid.

    • Mary

      Willow…. out of the way Peck!

  11. Amber

    I would SO read that blog! I agree, someone needs to make that happen!

  12. ashley

    I bet money that man is wearing a girdle! His face is WAY to full for the size his waist/gut looks!
    Sigh, I had SUCH a crush on him when he was in Real Genius ans Willow

    • Halo

      Not necessarily. Have you looked at how fat DiCaprio’s head has gotten, and his body is still slenderish?

  13. vandalfan

    Puffy, puffy, sad, sad.

  14. Marvelous A

    The world is ending. At first glance I thought this was Timothy Spall. As in Harry Potter’s Peter Pettigrew, THAT Timothy Spall. WTF?!

  15. Dana

    I’m laughing so hard I’m crying! Please offer to write his blog for him! I’d read it everyday!

  16. SaraK

    Based on the photo I’d have guess he was auditioning for Downton Abbey, not doing Mark Twain. Doesn’t Mr. Bates need a disreputable American cousin?

  17. Bambi Anne Dear

    Cute as Iceman was, that face was never going to age gracefully.

  18. direchef

    He’s the new Gary Busey…unfortunately.

  19. Mair Mair

    Jessica, it is perfectly obvious that YOU need to make that blog happen. In fact, you are the ONLY person who could make it happen.

  20. Melanie

    That is the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time and I love all the comments. I am so glad to hear that I am not the only one that loved him in Real Genius. I used to play / rewind / play that movie for days on end in high school.

  21. madness

    He so looks like one of the Bridges brothers now.

  22. Mary

    Thank you for reminding me about Real Genius btw… My nephews are old enough to watch this movie… got to download and show them… =)