I do not know what the deal is with Val Kilmer lately:

But I DO wish he had a blog. He could call it, like, “Val KilMIRACLES” and it would just be, like, a recounting of thoughts and stuff he did. For example, “Tuesday night: went to some Chanel party with a bunch of yahoos. Wore my hat again. People seem to like it. They keep staring at me. If they stare too long, I just walk up to them and say, ‘Iceman knows what you did,’ and then leave. Sometimes I just walk home and leave my car at the valet for three weeks. Do you ever think about how much you like cheese? I do. Love, Val Kilmer.” Someone get on this.