Fugger: Tilda Swinton

Recent Fugs and Fabs: SWINTON


I hope it doesn’t surprise you to find out that SWINTON owns a variety of fabulously warm and chic-ly shapeless coats. I imagine her home planet is as icy and majestic as her beauty.

[Photo: Fame-Flynet, INF, Getty]

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Fug and Fab: SWINTON


This is the most epic scrolldown fug, and it’s so wretched that I am going to start at the bottom and work up:

WHAT. These are shoes that are answering a question no one asked, namely, “what would happen if your shower shoes had a baby with a crow?”

The thing is, the rest of the look pretty great, you can look away from the fact that she stepped in a bird and stayed there:

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SWINTONly SWINTON’d: Guess Who?


We have a SWINTON sighting, at the Chanel couture show.

And she looks like she is wearing a San Antonio airport gift shop. She is remembering the hell out of the Alamo, and the Alamo is all, “Thank you, SWINTON, you minx, for making me feel like a baller.”

[Photo: Getty]

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SWINTerfeldly Played: SWINTON and Karl


Karl: Delicious pixie, whither the spice? DUST.

SWINTON: Hello, Karl. Your voice is the purring of the tiger I tamed last night in my living room.

Karl: True or not? Fantasy is the foreplay of reality. CLIMAX.

SWINTON: No, Karl, not until the orgy of where black and white intersect and explode into the erotic grays that shade our yens, numbering not fifty but infinity.

Karl: Your lilt intoxicates. No lemur among our planetkind could buzz my edges as you do. BLUR.

SWINTON: I feel this connection. You bring an international adapter to my plug, and together, electricity. Power. A hair dryer, keening in the wind, its purpose lost and found.

Karl: I will mourn the end of our duet. A fruit bowl broken, but not the way you think, is where poetry is born. You are the bowl, and fruit is for the wicked. PEEL.

SWINTON: So rare a bird are you that birds themselves quit, and join the circus. Promise me we’ll meet again.

Karl: Have you the feet to travel? Shoes make spirits whole. HEM.

SWINTON: Fare you well.

Karl: I bit you sad farewell, knowing I will forget we ever met. Memories are for the innocent. SIN.

 

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Casual Fuggerday: Well Played, SWINTON


I have nothing to add to this, except to repeat my assertion that Jim Jarmusch is clearly SWINTON’s hair soulmate.

I just wanted you to see SWINTON lounging in a fabulous coat. SWINTON for the WINTON, as it were.

[Photo: WENN]

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Well Played, SWINTON


This isn’t even a facetious one, nor a so-weird-it’s-wonderful designation. I just think she looks groovy.

Classy, cool, sparkly, sexy, long, and lean. Mystique: Reaffirmed. I now think that the movie of her life, SWINTON, should be done like that Bob Dylan flick where a bunch of different people play the role: Conan O’Brien, Joanna Coles, Coco Rocha, Cate Blanchett, Nicole Kidman, Jared Leto, SNL’s Kate McKinnon, Meryl Streep because it’s a biopic and she needs to fill her biannual quota, and Justin Bieber for the headlines. And then it will be revealed that NONE of them are in the movie at all, and the whole time it was SWINTON playing them playing her, and the legend will grow.

[Photo: WENN]

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