Fugger: Penn Badgley

We need to talk about what Dan Humphrey is doing to his hair.

I say “Dan Humphrey,” because I am wondering if it’s a character choice — like, now that we’ve been told Dan is North America’s most throbbing new writing talent, maybe he’s growing out his hair because he’s going to embark on a really pretentious artsy phase, and he has no friends left to tell him that he looks like a cross between John Mayer and Even Stevens.

This dispiriting, delinquent shrubbery is the second-most mystifying thing on Gossip Girl this season, the first being the fact that they found and hired a bunch of French actors with real French accents that inexplicably sound faker than Ed Westwick’s insistence on speaking only inside his own throat (you are not Kiefer, Mr. Bass, and this is not 24. PROJECT).

Actually, wait, there was one thing more perplexing, or at least equally furrow-inducing:

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