Fugger: Malin Akerman

Fugs and Fines: Zooey Deschanel for Tommy Hilfiger Launch


I had forgotten that this was even happening, but Zooey and Tommy seem like a pretty natural fit in some ways; indeed, the collection is saccharinely named “To Tommy From Zooey.” He MAY want to return that to sender. It’s hard to say.

[Photos: WENN]

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Fugphy Wife: Malin Akerman in Jonathan Simkhai


This is a perfect storm of somebody doing as little as possible to sell an outfit:

Granted, it’s never fair to compare anyone to a model, but at least she is standing ramrod straight and giving the top its best shot at looking architecturally cool. I DO think it’s possible the tube-top thing underneath is a cup size too small, which is why her chest appears to be frowning, but I mean… she’s slouching, her hair looks really blah, and none of her accessories are giving this any zing at all. So while the dress itself is just unflattering and wrong on her, she had a few chances to at least TRY and deflect that, and she didn’t take them. We are EASILY SWAYED by shiny bright things, Malin. USE THAT.

[Photo: Getty]

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Oscar Party Fugs and Fabs: Red Dresses


Oh, Sienna. To NAB is divine, but you may have binged on it a wee.

[Photos: Getty, Fame/Flynet]

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SAG Awards Well Played, Malin Akerman


Originally, I was torn on this. Not because I don’t like it, but because it seems like a LOT of dress for a person who isn’t a nominee or a presenter:

This whole thing sort of looks like she’s a really glamorous old woman attending the opening of the Opera — her hair is so blonde right now that it almost looks white — but, if you really think about it, don’t we all kind of want to look like a really glamorous old lady at the opera sometimes? Why else do you think I carry this lorgnette everywhere?

[Photo: Getty]

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Golden Globes Fug Carpet: Miranda Kerr and Malin Akerman


Remember when Jared Leto got up to accept his award, and talked about waxing his body for Dallas Buyers Club, and his relief at not doing a Brazilian, and how women in the audience probably knew what he meant? I can think of one person who probably did:

I keep wanting to call this Divorce Thigh, but it’s also Divorce Groin. As that whole sport goes, I think Divorce Bangs are the one I prefer. (Side note: Do we think Pucci paid Donatella Versace a royalty for this design? I wonder if there was a rise in people Googling “Elizabeth Hurley safety pin.”)

Divorce Nudity, by the way, was going around:

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People’s Choice Award Fug Carpet: Malin Akerman


Heather and I just got home from a business trip  — I am writing this at WHAT TIME IS IT?? O’Clock so you can read it first thing — and I joked to her at the baggage claim that I was just going to write one angry word for each post. Like, “NO.” And “Whaaaaaa???”  And “YIKES.” But I cannot keep myself to one word with this thing:

Well, if I did, maybe it would be “BOOBS.” But it’s really more like, “Hey, look who’s newly single and also really wants you to watch her sitcom!” Shall we see the full-length view?

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